Alienated in my own house...I love it!

[biggiy05]

I've been living with my dad and his wife(refuse to call her my step mom) for almost a year now. There were some issues when I moved because I couldn't bring my dog or cat so they had to stay with my mom. I brought my dog out to the house for a day a few months later and my dad's wife Susie flipped on my dog because she was sniffing her cat. She tried to tell me my dog was going to attack the cat.

Fast forward to last month. I took Roxy to the vet to have her teeth cleaned. I just walked through the door and laid down on the couch and was going to take a nap. My dad calls me and tells me I need to take my oldest step sister to the ER for a possible kidney infection. Susie works for the city of Powell and is on salary pay. Why the hell can't she take her to the ER? So I drive over, pick her up and spend the day in the ER until Roxy is ready to be picked up. Nobody pays me back for the gas and the money I had to use to get out of the garage. I'm off work from shoulder reconstruction and have absolutely no money.

I brought up the idea of adopting a dog and bringing the dog here so I had someone for Roxy to play with when I go out to see my mom during the week. I bring it up knowing she will say no. She says we'll talk about it and get back to you in a few days. The following day my dad tells me it's a no go. She thinks it will be too much of an adjustment for everyone among other excuses that make no sense. The following night I scared her cat by accident and said "dewey you're a little jumpy". She comes back under her breath and says "not until you brought that dog around he wasn't."

We don't talk that much as it is now. After I brought up the dog idea she didn't talk to me at all for a few days. This morning I was in the kitchen, she said good morning and I went to say morning but coughed. I had something in my throat and she asks if i'm not talking to her anymore. I said no, I tried to say morning. I went over to her parents for lunch like we do every Sunday. I walk in the house and NOBODY says a word to me. Usually it's "hi, how's your shoulder" or small talk. I ate, cleared my plate and left.

I can't deal with this anymore. I moved out of my mom's so I could save more money, be closer to school and get away from the drama with my sister. I come here only to learn that my dad treats Susie's daughters better than he does my sister and I. He's paid their bills when they screwed up and lost a job. They never had to pay him back. I ask for help with my cell phone and he wants me to pay him back. It's pretty obvious I'm not wanted here. As soon as my doctor gives me a full release I'm moving into an apartment I found near a fire department I can volunteer at.

Sorry it's so long. The fact that I'm treated like an outcast by the family annoys me and I needed to vent.

 

[Jenn]

let me just say I know how stressful it is. Me and my dad no longer speak becaues of his girlfriend (they are not married). he lives a mile away and has to drive by my house everyday but yet we have not spoke in 4 years. He has only held my 5 year old son one time and my son sees him atleast twice a week at the ball park and does not even know that is his grandpa, He has never met my daughter and it is his only grand daughter. Please dont lose that line of communtication. I absolutely hate that we dont speak and it breaks my heart everyday but we both are just to stubborn to put aside our differences and apologize. do not let someone come between you and your dad. I would defently move out as soon as you can and just let things go. that women and him could be divorced in a few years but you are always his child. Do not let her win and push you away because I did and I hate myself for it everyday.

 

[shadowx362]

Sounds like my life, minus the dog arguments....that is my sister LOL

Tell me if you ever find a way to resolve your problems as would be interested........

 

[animalhouse27]

I know what your going through.. my dad and I havn't really talked in over 10 yrs. I Didnt talk to him for 6 or so, and then i did so I could be nice to invite him to my wedding.. and since then.. I have not talked to him..cept when I go to my brothers cookouts and such. *He is my half brother..we share the dad* and his Wife.. my wicked Step mom hates me,and always has I guess.. I dunno. LOL But, my mom and I Moved down to Florida when Iwas 13 to be closer to him..and he just doesnt do anything to get in touch with me. He moved like less then a mile from my moms when I lived there..and he NEVER Came by, NEVER Called.. :-/ And when I wrote him a letter to tell him how I felt.. I got the "Well, when I wanted to hang out with you you thought your friends were more important so I stoped trying" WTF.. I was a Teenager! lol DUH! Soo, yea. I know what you are going through. It is tough! *Hugs*

 

[biggiy05]

I've had a falling out with my dad twice. Once right after he married the witch. It was a few weeks after I had my chest reconstructed. He told everyone at the wedding that I wasn't feeling well and decided to stay home from the wedding. I drove past the church with my mom after the wedding started. I chose not to go to the wedding. I started talking to him in the fall of my senior year then we had another falling out shortly after I graduated. I didn't start talking to him until the problems started with my mom and sister. That was fall of 07.

I try not to let her get between us because honestly he acts like a totally different person from time to time when she's not around. Like today, he was being buddy buddy with my step sisters fiance when he just called him a dick the other day. He rolls over and plays dead whenever she wants. He was all for me adopting the dog and liked the dog I was looking at. He never once stood up to help me or tell her he liked the dog.

I want out for so many reasons. Of course getting away from her is the number one reason. I'll be less than 30 seconds from the fire dept so I'll always be on the first engine out. I'll have my dog back too, who I miss every time I leave my mom's.

Marriage is a few years away at least and I really do not want to invite her, let alone her side of the family. If I invite just her and my step sisters and not the rest of the family it will start more problems. Gah...I'll deal with that when the time comes. Maybe by then they will have said enough things to me that I'll have a reason to keep off the list. Now I just need to try and keep my cool so I don't start a battle royal with her.

 

[Chewbecca]

Have you tried talking to her? Like a heart-to-heart? To find out exactly what her deal is with you?

I'm NOT sticking up for her, but just as someone who has been a step mom before, and my husband is a step dad to my sons, I know that it's not always that both parents (dad and step mom) are against the child.

It could be a complete misunderstanding. She might feel as though you hate her and have some "mom replacement" feelings towards her. Are you (or your siblings) her first step children? I know you shouldn't HAVE TO understand where she might be coming from, but if you confront her, and have a one-to-one talk with her, perhaps you guys could calmly air your feelings towards one another. But you both have to be mature about it. And, yes, even moms can be immature.
You may find she feels just as oddly about things as you do.
And no matter what either of you feel, feelings are never wrong. Now, whether or not either of you intended to make the other feel bad, that can be wrong, but feeling are not.
And maybe it's time you two find out what you feel/where you stand in this.

Or, you guys could just go on thinking you both hate each other?

 

[biggiy05]

I've tried to be civil with her more than once and it didn't go over very well. She is the type that thinks her opinion is right and everyone else is wrong. We got into it during the election on more than one occasion. She's a die hard republican, narrow minded and won't look at the big picture. Gay rights or something came up and I have a few friends that are gay. My niece was talking about someone at her school coming out and Susie chimed in saying it's wrong, blah blah blah. I came back and shot the argument down. It ended with me saying it's not hurting you in any way shape or form, it doesn't affect you and they aren't taking anything away from you.

That was the nail in the coffin last year. I'm an independent but I speak my mind. This family hates that. Between her comments about views, talking about my dog want to attack my nieces and nephews when they are here and calling my now ex girlfriend crazy because she had a breakdown I'm at wits end. I just ignore her like my step sisters ignore me. I'll treat you as you treat me.

 

[thestack510]

I feel the same way about my dad's wife... I only wish she wouldn't talk to me.

 

[biggiy05]

I feel the same way about my dad's wife... I only wish she wouldn't talk to me.

The list of reason her and I don't get along goes on forever. Speaking my mind and telling her father he's wrong and knows nothing about firefighting is one of the big things that did it for me.

For now I'm just trying to avoid her. I just took a percocet for my shoulder so I should be out cold before she comes home.

 

[biggiy05]

I made peanut butter pie the other day to snack on over the next week. If I buy food you don't touch it, it's been established. I come home to find the WHOLE pie gone! Heads are going to roll tomorrow when this percocet wears off...

 

[BalloonzForU]

I made peanut butter pie the other day to snack on over the next week. If I buy food you don't touch it, it's been established. I come home to find the WHOLE pie gone! Heads are going to roll tomorrow when this percocet wears off...

I ate it!!! MMMMMM I love peanut butter pie!!


That sounds like a crappy situation. I hope you get a clean bill of health soon so you can find other living arrangements.

 

[biggiy05]

I ate it!!! MMMMMM I love peanut butter pie!!


That sounds like a crappy situation. I hope you get a clean bill of health soon so you can find other living arrangements.

Chocolate chips inside with Hershey's special dark drizzled on top.

I'm out of here by the end of June at the latest.

 

[ariana]

thats f'n bull id do somethin about it yell at that dumb hoe of a wife your dad has and if one of her daughters needs help screw them they dont help u dont help them.
get a lock put it on your door.
dont talk to them stay out of their way and screw it. im not exactly wanted either. i take care of myself for the most part and thats how i like it.
ignore the witch and hope that she dies.
harsh yes.
but when god was making people out of dirt he saw this pile of caca and thought it was dirt and made more people...she's obviously one of them

 

[BettaDragon]

I had similar problems with my step dad in my early teens. It got to the point where one of my friends called and told my mom to divorce him because of the way he treated me. My mom confronted me about this and asked why I "would ever lie about him to my friends like that." I said. "I didn't lie, I told the truth, you just chose to believe his side of the story every time. I've been telling you this for years but you never listened to me once. I hate him, I've always hated him ever since I developed common sense. He's stupid, he's a moron. He lies to you, he sucks up to you, he treats me like crap behind your back and lies about it later, and you believe him. I hate living in this house. It makes me miserable and you don't care one bit. I want my last name changed to anything other than his name, I want to be unadopted by him (my step dad adopted me when I was 7). You can choose between me or him because I can't take his crap anymore. I can't even argue with you without him butting in and making everything ten times worse. He's ruining my relationship with you so go choose, me or him." Some big changes were made in the house since then. We got family counseling and things are much more civil now. I also started dating my boyfriend soon after that and my step dad suddenly started treating me a lot nicer after that. I still extremely dislike my step dad but it's not to the point of me wanting to completely remove myself from the family anymore and I don't feel like he gets in between me and my mom anymore. Maybe confronting your dad about how your step mom interferes with your relationship with him might help some. It didn't totally fix my situation but I think it made it better somewhat.

 

[metaldad904]

You're definitely not alone. It seems to me that we have a lot of dysfunctional families in our little forum lol. Makes me feel better honestly b/c i'm no different.

I'll try not to make it too lengthy but my Dad lives in Michigan & basically moved onto another family after my Mom & him divorced....he's a good guy & i know he cares about me but I really don't see him as much more than a friend, I've never spent that much time with him...i'm almost 26 years old and i've maybe spent 4 years with him total, and probably close to 3 of those years were before i could really remember much. He married a complete piece of trailor trash that is quite possibly the dumbest person i have ever met in my life....i swear a retarded monkey has a more complex though process. I don't rly care too much about it b/c they live so far away and i've grown very accustomed to just not giving a crap about it (sounds cold but ther yah go). On the other hand, when i was real young i became extremely close to my mother b/c well, she's my mom and i was a bit clingy as a lil kid, probly having to do with the fact that i was a rly little kid (i was only 4'10" and around 90 lbs entering high school) most of my life so most likely had something to do w/wanting to feel safe or whatever. When my mom and dad divorced she married a guy that i know was for his money (she'll never admit it tho). I admit, i was very much against it and even refused to live with them for awhile b/c of him.....which i still feel i had good reason for, he's was horribly mean to me but i inevitably came back & just dealt with it. From age 6-17 i went from being very close to my mother to eventually telling her she was a worthless piece of....well u know where that's going and running away. All of this was routed through her husband who went out of his way to make my life a living hell. I can remember times where he would accuse me of breaking things i have NOTHING to do with and didn't do it, i would answer honestly and he would punish me saying i was lying to the point where he would force me to confess to something i didn't actually do just so I could avoid being in trouble constantly. He would pretty much do anything he could to make me feel alienated and of course, he accomplished his goal b/c i became more and more of an introvert to the point where the only time you'd know i was home was when i was grabbing food b/c i would spend all my time in my room. He was also physically and mentally abusive to me and yet my mother defended him no matter what, and to make matters worse she was a completely different person when he wasn't around. When i hit my teen years and started growing i became more and more rebellious, realizing that i had more power than i thought (i went from being a little runt of 4'10" & 90 lbs to 5'10" and weighing close to 180 in less than 2 yrs from obsessive weight lifting). During my senior year in high school i decided i had had enough and would do "what i want when i want". I would dye my hair outrageous colors, wear all black....your typical goth type, of course i started experimenting more & more with drugs and questionably activities. Well, that eventually led to me getting my g/f pregnant. Well, i made a gross misjudgment and told my mom in confidence (i was scared understandably) and of course she immediately told him and all hell broke loose. Within 24 hours i was told that i would have to get out in less than a week. I actually saw that as my escape and was more than happy to go, i was ready to get out within a day and then of course they realized this was a stupid tactic and changed their minds & tried to ban me from seeing my pregnant g/f. I lost my mind which i don't think they expected, i cussed out my mother and grabbed my stuff in my room, preparing to walk out. My stepfather attempted to stop me, getting in my face....mistake on his part, he is all of 5'6" and a dumpy guy, i towered over him & knew he was no match for me. I got straight into his face and said "if you don't move out of the way you're going to die where you stand". He didn't budge so to show i wasn't kidding i put my fist through a door.....he moved then lol. I walked to the gas station (they took away my car too) and called my g/f and she picked me up & took me to her house. I didn't speak to my mother or him for over a month, they even enlisted my cousin (who i was very close to at the time) to try & convince me to come back home. Eventually I agreed to come back home based on conditions that they couldn't keep me away from my g/f & so on. I lived there for maybe 2 months more, where they constantly pressured me to convince my g/f to get an abortion, which i was very against (i wouldn't have the greatest thing to ever happen to me if i did). Once i was about a month from turning 18 i was only living w/my mom part-time & that was rly just to be around my little brother & sister. After high school my g/f & I decided to get married & i even invited them to our wedding, when i told'em they STILL tried to make me change my mind. I told them i would prefer if they just didn't come then & to stay out of my life. They ended up coming & it was awkward but i dealt w/it. I got over that & even worked for my stepfather for awhile (where he took full advantage of my good nature), of course that ended badly. For years after that i barely spoke to them at all, and if i did it was b/c my mom would call me time & time again until i felt guilty. Well, my wife & I broke up in....i wanna say 2003 or somewhere around then. I decided i wanted to try & mend my broken relationship with my mother & started spending time w/them. At first it went well, she even started developing a relationship w/my daughter (my mother held my daughter a total of 3 times by the time she was 4). She volunteered to babysit her while i was working & she was visiting me and it was going great. After about 6-8 months of this the inevitable happened. Not to get too much into detail but my lease was about 2 be up on my apartment & my roomie was moving out so i was debating on what to do. I was going to get a new roomie but my stepfather wanted to work out an arrangement where i basically did some contracting type of work for him & he would pay half of my rent & utilities, sounded like a good deal so i agreed. What i didn't know this was all seemingly a plan to have me so deeply leveraged that i couldn't say no to them. Within 6 months I had been late on my rent 5 out of 6 months, was struggling to pay any of my bills (which i had been fine with on before) & had developed a pretty bad drug addiction from all the stress. My "parents" knew this & decided to take advantage of it, basically forcing me to do some highly illegal things which i would do just to keep my head above water (i won't specify but i just so u know i don't steal or hurt people). I was in dire straits & didn't know what to do, i was embarassed to tell anyone & didn't want my ex to know for fear of her not letting me see my daughter, which was the ONLY reason i kept going. For some time all i wanted to do was drive my car into a tree & end my miserable little existence. I somehow managed to pull myself out of my haze & see things clearly again, i cleaned up my act miraculously & even managed to excel at my main job despite these things (i was a very functional addict). I realized i didn't need them & cut them completely out of my life for several months & if they did contact me i would lose it on them to the point where I would even threaten some pretty nasty things to happen, etc. Karma managed to step in & they went from living in a $750,000 home to a condo where they don't even pay rent due to a relative, my mom works at McDonald's part-time & he doesn't even have a job. My mother periodically calls me to borrow money, which i honestly sometimes will give in to for the sake of my siblings (who are now 15 & 16) knowing i'll most likely never see it again. She'll tell me how hard things are & i'm extremely cold & told her i honestly didn't give a crap b/c of the position they have put me in & so on. She asks me why i won't visit her & I simply say "I won't until u leave that steaming pile of crap b/c if i'm in the same room as him i'm going to jail & i can't do that to my lil girl". All in all, i'm now around $6,000 in debt & my car is in horrible condition (i made the mistake of letting them borrow it for 2 months which turned into 10 and 22,000 miles) but i'm happier than i have been in years honestly b/c i'm away from them at least. They put me through hell, and while a lot of it was my own fault for being so gullible i rly don't think i should have to question trusting my own mother but here i am. I wish i could be close to my mom sometimes but i know it will just lead to me being miserable again so i just stopped caring, period. I focus on what's important, my little girl & keeping my life together. Things have started to look up finally, i'm on the brink of getting a big promotion at work that will finally pay me what i deserve, me & the ex are actually in talks about a possible reconciliation even (we'll see about that lol). What i'm trying to say in the end is, focus on getting yourself out of the grasps of your father & stepmother's household & be independent. If things are meant to be patched up they will be, if not you'll be happy on your own away from all the drama. Parents are important but people sometimes forget they can screw up a kid far worse than anything else sometimes.

Sorry for the ridiculously long post, i meant to make it short but of course it got me to thinking & i poured out a lot of stuff, my bad...i'm sure that was mind numbing.