best friends and trust :(

The NY Gecko

Don't Get So Carried Away
Messages
430
Location
Rochester, NY
you put your trust in someone and they lie to you. best friends come from years of trust and honesty. its amazing how when they lie to you once its like they stabbed you in the back. not some small white lie, something big, too big to type here. not about you but something in general that might pertain to you. if anyone here has found a way to go through life without trusting anyone, and without emotions let me know and show me how. it sucks. whenever i finally trust someone it gets destroyed. it seems the only way to not get hurt is to expect nothing and to do everything without emotion
 

Grinning Geckos

Tegan onboard.
Messages
2,515
Location
Chicago-land
Not feeling anything or trusting would be a very sucky way to go through life. True, people can and will disappoint you at times. There is no getting around it, it's what people do (and some do it well). You have to decide how much that lie means to you, can you still trust them on other matters and be thier friend, or is it big enough to end the friendship? But just because you no longer trust them doesn't mean you can't trust someone else. Not everyone deserves trust, but there are plenty of people that do....figuring out who they are can be difficult (and it's harder when you're younger). Not ever trusting anyone only leads to a very lonely life, and will actually breed distrust from others.
 
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nora

Guest
i personally have a hard time trusting people, even my friends cuz ive been burned a lot in the past.. and because of that ive learned to put a wall up to keep myself from getting hurt. So instead i learned to be the one that did all of the hurting the minute i felt threatened.

but word of advice..... dont ever put up a wall to hide your emotions like i did. it will only destroy you. you're better of living with the pain and learn to move on.
 

brandy101010

New Member
Messages
2,804
Location
N.J.
I'm sorry this happened to you tom. When I was in high school. I had my best friend of 7 years really really screw me over. It was so bad and I was so angry that I just lost it and kinda ended up getting suspended from school. I don't recomend you do what I did. but I do recomend you think about how imporantant this person is to you and if what they did can be forgiven. If it can't be worked out and is just something so horrible that you could never trust them or think of them the same way. you may want to brake off the friendship like I did. but there is no need to go through life never trusting anyone. not everyone is out to screw you over. Just pick your friends wisely.
Good luck.
 

roaches42993

Senior Member
Messages
307
When I was your age mate I had somthing simular happen as well . This "friend " I had hacked into a website I had for a clan and destroyed it . when I asked him why he did it he said "simple your addicted" well later that week at my high school my lock to my locker was missing . I figured he took it so I went looking through his locker (idk why but he never put a lock on it ) well he found me looking through his locker and punched me . I probly shouldn't have but I beat the crap out of him . later both of us got suspended . why ? cause i lost his trust .

when someone does somthing stupid and loses your trust don't start to blame other things on him . I wish i could change what happened but I cant . we havenet talked since (5+ years)
 

wilomn

No One of Consequence
Messages
189
Location
Earth
It's a tough row to hoe.

If you don't trust, it's sort of lonely.

If you do, people fail. Sometimes they fail on purpose and sometimes because they are simply unable not to; too weak or scared or unwilling when it comes right down to it, to stand up for what they've said they will.

People also change, often making choices, especially when young, that they would not make were they older and more experianced.

And some folks are just scum from the get go and you don't realize it until it's too late.

The first thing to do to find trustworthy people is to be trustworthy yourself.

Have you always been such a person Tom? Not digging at you here, but you should see more than one point of view if possible.

Even I, the great ME, have been wrong on occasion.

Trust is hard, being trusted is even harder.
 

PaulSage

I'm baaaaaack!
Messages
2,590
Location
Texas
I think it's all about setting limits and boundaries. Unfortunately, I don't know where to set those limits and boundaries without learning the hard way. It's a delicate balance between alienating yourself and letting people walk all over you. (yes, I am somewhat cynical and non-trusting.)
 

The NY Gecko

Don't Get So Carried Away
Messages
430
Location
Rochester, NY
I've had a few incidents like this, makes me start to look "oddly", for lack of a better word, at how i can trust my other friends. Even the ones who have never done anything are now getting the weird eye. A few mistakes and everyone gets punished, astounding :-\
 
Messages
583
Location
Ohio/West Virginia
I have a cousin(also9 friend)and we have been friends ever since we were 3 and he quit talking to me for about a year and a half so one day I just got tired of not talking and walked up to him then said what is your porblem and we talked and we became friends again a couple months l8r and have been friends ever since
 

Sandra

New Member
Messages
630
Location
Spain
Although this thread is somewhat old, I have just seen it. I felt like posting because I'm also having problems for trusting too much.

I feel betrayed by my best friend (also my partner) just because he didn't fulfill my expectations. I don't trust people easily, but, for some reason, he seemed to be the most trustworthy person I would ever find. The truth is that what he has done isn't all that horrible (it's not like he has been with another girl or anything like that, lol :D ) but the idealistic image I had of him is now torn to pieces. Now I feel like I am with a person who is different from the guy I knew, a person I can't trust. It's quite odd feeling like this, although I'm not angry anymore (how could I, if it's my fault for bouilding up my hopes too high), I feel like it will never be the same as before.

I have always said that I prefered a harsh truth rather than a white lie, but this time I think I would have prefered not to notice the delusion so everything could be the way it was before.

I'm also that kind of person who doesn't give second chances (not to be unfriendly, it's just that forgiving is very difficult for me). That's why before trusting anyone, when starting a relationship with a possible friend, I state very clearly how I want to be treated.

Although I might feel a bit apathetic after this and trying not expect anything for anyone, I'm aware it's just a period and sometime it will have to end. It would be childish saying that I won't trust anyone ever again, you always have to keep that door open for anyone who wants to enter, but thinking that those close to you are perfect is a mistake and doing so can hurt you badly.

Ps: telling your problems to a bunch of people you don't know is quite refreshing lol :p
 

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