Venting about my mother deserves its own thread, lol.
Since two years ago, she's acting like a cranky oldwoman even if she's only 52. I guess it's normal, because she has gone through many sad things during this time. I try to support her as much as I can, but everything has a limit especially when you see your concern only helps to be taken advantage of.
She's a pain especially when regarding to money. My mother was never stingy like that, but lately it seems that I can't spend money in anything that isn't absolutely necessary. She sends me 250€ every month to help me to pay the rent, which I appreciate a lot, but it looks like just because she gives me some she has total control over all my money.
For example, I left my job a month earlier than I thought at first (I worked part-time at a pizza restaurant and was paid about 250€/month, so it wasn't a really big difference) because I was moving and I wanted a free month to pack up my things without rushing, and also wanted to do a four days trip with some friends. When I told her she started to complain, asking me if could afford something like that, etc. Ok, it was an extra expense, but I think I have the right to manage MY money the way I want, especially when I spent the whole year working and studying, damn, I think I deserved a break!
I spent the summer in my mother's house to keep her in company as long as I could, because she lives alone. She insisted about getting a summer job but I didn't think it was necessary for my economy. So she said that then I had to help her with the cleaning, thing I was thinking to do anyway (it was the least I could do). And then she asks me to clean a bathroom that hasn't been cleaned in at least months. Isn't it a bit weird to ask your daughter that you haven't seen in such a long time to clean the most disgusting room in the house? I can only think it was revenge for not getting a job.
While I was there she told me not to buy any more geckos because they were an extra expense. It wasn't a suggestion, it was more like a prohibition. What? Are you telling me how I must spend MY money?
I've told her several times to stop sending me money if it is such a big sacrifice for her. Not only for her, but also for me, because I don't want her to think that just because I accept her money she has the right to tell my what I must or mustn't do. But she insists on it. And inmediatly after she starts complaining about how many debts she has and that kind of thing.
Fankly, I don't think she's that bad. Or there's something I don't know, like a very huge debt that she has kept away from me... Or there is something very wrong with her because she is a Government employee with a significant salary and every once in a while I see her giving herself teats like handbags, clothes... Many things have happened and I know she's not in the best financial position ever, but I don't think she's all that bad.
I bought some new geckos in september, but I didn't tell her until yesterday. I'm writing this thread because our conversation was the last straw.
I lied to her and told I bought them this month as a late Xmas present for myself, and because me and my boyfriend earned more than 1000€ this month between our jobs, presents (our families usually give us money so we bought what we want) etc, that counting the rent, bills, and other expenses. I hoped that softened the blow a bit.
But no, the first thing she asked was how much they cost. I answered that I wasn't going to tell her, because she was too stingy (ok, maybe I shouldn't have said it like that. After I explained that I meant that she cared too much about money and didn't want to upset her). I implied, wish I didn't have to, that breeding them I could make some money, so she would see it from another point of view. But her answer was that I could re-sell them all at an higher price so I could make money without having to wait.
I don't know exactly why but that comment especially hurt me. I thought she did understand how important my geckos are to me, to think I would just sell them like that...
I told her that I was going to her house for 10 days in February. Going back to my homeland, seeing my family... are supposed to be happy things but instead of that I'm afraid to be with my mom because I know she will react badly to anything I say. I can't tell her the way I feel because I don't want to make her any more miserable and I only have to cope with it once in a while. So instead I'm venting here. She has an exam during that week (she's doing a degree too) so I guess she'll spend plenty of time studying and I won't have to be with her that much. After that I can invite her to the cinema, or a restaurant or somehing and hope she can forget about her worries even if it's just a little time. I just hope she doesn't tell me it is a waste of money :main_thumbsdown:
Since two years ago, she's acting like a cranky oldwoman even if she's only 52. I guess it's normal, because she has gone through many sad things during this time. I try to support her as much as I can, but everything has a limit especially when you see your concern only helps to be taken advantage of.
She's a pain especially when regarding to money. My mother was never stingy like that, but lately it seems that I can't spend money in anything that isn't absolutely necessary. She sends me 250€ every month to help me to pay the rent, which I appreciate a lot, but it looks like just because she gives me some she has total control over all my money.
For example, I left my job a month earlier than I thought at first (I worked part-time at a pizza restaurant and was paid about 250€/month, so it wasn't a really big difference) because I was moving and I wanted a free month to pack up my things without rushing, and also wanted to do a four days trip with some friends. When I told her she started to complain, asking me if could afford something like that, etc. Ok, it was an extra expense, but I think I have the right to manage MY money the way I want, especially when I spent the whole year working and studying, damn, I think I deserved a break!
I spent the summer in my mother's house to keep her in company as long as I could, because she lives alone. She insisted about getting a summer job but I didn't think it was necessary for my economy. So she said that then I had to help her with the cleaning, thing I was thinking to do anyway (it was the least I could do). And then she asks me to clean a bathroom that hasn't been cleaned in at least months. Isn't it a bit weird to ask your daughter that you haven't seen in such a long time to clean the most disgusting room in the house? I can only think it was revenge for not getting a job.
While I was there she told me not to buy any more geckos because they were an extra expense. It wasn't a suggestion, it was more like a prohibition. What? Are you telling me how I must spend MY money?
I've told her several times to stop sending me money if it is such a big sacrifice for her. Not only for her, but also for me, because I don't want her to think that just because I accept her money she has the right to tell my what I must or mustn't do. But she insists on it. And inmediatly after she starts complaining about how many debts she has and that kind of thing.
Fankly, I don't think she's that bad. Or there's something I don't know, like a very huge debt that she has kept away from me... Or there is something very wrong with her because she is a Government employee with a significant salary and every once in a while I see her giving herself teats like handbags, clothes... Many things have happened and I know she's not in the best financial position ever, but I don't think she's all that bad.
I bought some new geckos in september, but I didn't tell her until yesterday. I'm writing this thread because our conversation was the last straw.
I lied to her and told I bought them this month as a late Xmas present for myself, and because me and my boyfriend earned more than 1000€ this month between our jobs, presents (our families usually give us money so we bought what we want) etc, that counting the rent, bills, and other expenses. I hoped that softened the blow a bit.
But no, the first thing she asked was how much they cost. I answered that I wasn't going to tell her, because she was too stingy (ok, maybe I shouldn't have said it like that. After I explained that I meant that she cared too much about money and didn't want to upset her). I implied, wish I didn't have to, that breeding them I could make some money, so she would see it from another point of view. But her answer was that I could re-sell them all at an higher price so I could make money without having to wait.
I don't know exactly why but that comment especially hurt me. I thought she did understand how important my geckos are to me, to think I would just sell them like that...
I told her that I was going to her house for 10 days in February. Going back to my homeland, seeing my family... are supposed to be happy things but instead of that I'm afraid to be with my mom because I know she will react badly to anything I say. I can't tell her the way I feel because I don't want to make her any more miserable and I only have to cope with it once in a while. So instead I'm venting here. She has an exam during that week (she's doing a degree too) so I guess she'll spend plenty of time studying and I won't have to be with her that much. After that I can invite her to the cinema, or a restaurant or somehing and hope she can forget about her worries even if it's just a little time. I just hope she doesn't tell me it is a waste of money :main_thumbsdown: