I Need Advice

[pawsfoot]

I need advice from people who might have encountered a situation such as this:

My fiance Jeremy works for a small business. It is run by a couple who are not married but live in the same house. That's obviously not the problem. The woman brought her 2 children into the relationship with her. The couple have been together for 5 years and they have a lot tied up in a business together. The children are 12 and 15 and from a previous marriage of hers. Her youngest son is being verbally abused by the man and the last time I saw him he looked horrible. Very anxious and appeared to be very stressed. He told me that the man tried to choke him and has previously hit him. I asked him if he had told his mom what had happened. He said when he talks to her about it she laughs at him and thens tells him that he should not be that way since the man owns the house they live in and feeds them. The boy also told his counselor at school what was happening. The counselor told him to call him ASAP if the man every physically abused him again. All of this does not help the fact that the boy is being called stupid every day and feels like nothing he can do is right. He told me he wants to run away. What do I do? What do I say? I really don't want to get into the middle of this because I have no children of my own and do not profess to know what the laws are for this type of thing. I do know that nobody should have to live with a person who treats like that bad and calls them stupid. I also know that nobody should put their hands on you like that. Any advice is appreciated. I don't want to see this kid run away from home and then run into a bad situation.

 

[Scott&Nikki]

I hate to say it, but I think the right thing to do is call DCFS. Nobody likes hearing that, but unless you feel like talking to the mother about this, I don't see another option. Stuff like that cannot go on and needs to be stopped. I hate hearing stuff like this. Either the mother needs to be talked to, or someone with authority needs to take action.

EDIT: I wanted to add... in my head this sounds like a good idea, but I don't know if there are legality issues. I was thinking maybe you should tell him that if he has no choice but to run away, he should come to you. That way you know he would be safe and you could maybe get more info to decide if DCFS should be contacted? I don't know, just an idea.

 

[wilomn]

File a report with your local police dept. Talk to the boy, tell him what you're doing and why.

IF you don't and he winds up dead, you'll feel bad for the rest of forever.

Also, be prepared for things to fall apart at work. Your fiance' may well be out of a job and you will not doubt be making an enemy of at least the guy doing the beating and probably the mother as well if she's as foolish as you make her out to be.

If he's beating the boy he may well be doing more to the sister and mother.

It's a suckass situation but if you are sure the boy is being truthful, YOU need to do something. If more people did there would be less of this crap going on.

To the left, you could hire some local muscle to have a little "talk" with the childbeater. I broken bone or two can work wonders in changing ones perceptions.

Those who can, should.

 

[BluGnat]

You could always put a call in to social services anonymously, so that hopefully you won't be pointing the finger at yourself or your fiance - plus if he stays on at that job, you guys can hear how things're going with him.

What an awful situation.

 

[BalloonzForU]

I wouldn't tell the child you are calling, it could come back to haunt you. Just call make the report, they will keep it anonymous if you ask. Been down that road myself, it's not an easy choice to make when it could backfire on you, but there is a child's life at stake, and not just physical life, but mental as well.

 

[wilomn]

If the boy has only told her and she doesn't tell him that she is reporting it he may well feel that she can no longer be trusted.

Chances are he needs to know that someone will be there for him. That means a commitment to him, which is not easy when looked at realistically, especially since he is not a relative.

Whether you tell him of your call or not, I think you should make it.

 

[pawsfoot]

Just an update:
As of now both of my fiances bosses are in another state at some dumb convention. The boy told his counselor and we're gonna make an anonymous call to child services. Since his counselor knows I'm hoping the finger doesn't get pointed at me. If the call goes in before they get back then the boy will continue staying with his grandma. Plus my fiance is looking for a new job. Thanks for the advice.

 

[BalloonzForU]

Good move! But this is just the beginning, I called child services 3 years ago, the child was removed and put into foster care, then custody given to the father after he moved out of the house. Since then the child has requested to live with the abusive mother, that lasted about a month and is now back with the father. However the courts have still only given him temp custody. This is a long drawn out process in some states, and can move slowly.

Sadly unless the mother leaves the man that treats her son like this it will only hurt the child more. He will always love his mother and even request to move back with her once he has a say so in the matter at about 15 years of age. I would also say there is a chance that the daughter can also be taken away. I would also be very worried that there is something going on with the daughter too. Where is the father of these two kids?

 

[leolover2]

Why doesnt the boy tell his real father?

 

[The NY Gecko]

File a report with your local police dept. Talk to the boy, tell him what you're doing and why.

IF you don't and he winds up dead, you'll feel bad for the rest of forever.

Also, be prepared for things to fall apart at work. Your fiance' may well be out of a job and you will not doubt be making an enemy of at least the guy doing the beating and probably the mother as well if she's as foolish as you make her out to be.

If he's beating the boy he may well be doing more to the sister and mother.

It's a suckass situation but if you are sure the boy is being truthful, YOU need to do something. If more people did there would be less of this crap going on.

To the left, you could hire some local muscle to have a little "talk" with the childbeater. I broken bone or two can work wonders in changing ones perceptions.

Those who can, should.

I'm liking your last suggestion.

 

[pawsfoot]

Sorry for the confusion. There is no daughter only 2 boys. The 15 yr old stays at school and football practice as much as possible. I don't know where the real father is. The 12 yr old is afraid of foster care and is afraid he will never see his mom again. I'm not going to be the one to tell him that his mom is crap for putting him in this situation in the first place and then even more for not standing up and leaving. Either way passing judgement on her and then saying something to him about it is not my place. I'm hoping that child services acts on my phone call. When they get back from their conference I don't want to be around to hear them get the news. I just hope the grandmother has enough sense not to send him back to his mom right away.

I just wanted to rant a little more. This isn't abuse, but since they own a business where they travel they are always taking the kids out of school. This just bothers me because the kids are the ones that are going to suffer for missing all the time, not the mom and boyfriend. They wonder why the kids don't get A's and B's. If they were there to learn the information maybe they would do better.