Grinning Geckos
Tegan onboard.
- Messages
- 2,515
- Location
- Chicago-land
Or, at least, I assume it is? I'm thinking this must be the secret secret room Kelli had mentioned awhile back. If it's not, you never heard anything from me about a secret secret room .... how can it be secret secret if I just told everyone?
:main_robin:
Anyway, if this is what I think it is, that's great. If not, then I'll live. Mods ... if it needs to be moved anywhere, then I'd prefer this be in the Insiders forum.
I woke up tonight (as you can see by the time on my post) at the butt-crack of dawn because my cat Troi was having a seizure at my feet. He's an old, old man ... roughly 17 years old ... and his health has been failing for awhile now. His kidneys have been failing for awhile now, and I new his time was getting short. Tonight though, it's the first time I've seriously thought that it's TIME.
This is taking a long time to write - the tears are many and the right words are few.
I've had him for a long time, since I was 11. He was a stray cat that we almost didn't get ... I almost feel like we were SUPPOSE to have him. We were moving from off-base to on base, and my-parents were doing the last little bits at the old house to complete the move while I was visiting my best friend while I was still able to. As they are leaving the house for the last time, a group of 6 or 7 kids they've never met before came up and asked if they wanted a cat. They were handing him around like a blanket, and he was limp and loving it, so they took him. A minute later they pick me up and I see him in the van. I fell in love right away, and he adopted me immediately. I'm sure you all know what I mean when I say that I was his. He sat in my lap on the way home, and never left.
When I was young, I would dress him in doll clothes because he looked funny, and he loved me for it. Every night, he would come into the room and sit on my chest and knead me before falling asleep at my feet. If he couldn't get into my room, he'd pace the hallway yelling "MAMA" so well my Mom thought it was one of us. He knew my school schedule, and he would sit at the door in anticipation of my arrival. If I was late, he would yell at me.
The only thing he ever asked of me was that I love him. He was my friend when I was too shy to make new ones. My confidant when I had none. He never judged, only loved. Not once in 16 years had he so much as hissed at me. He always had an uncanny knack of knowing just when I was at my saddest, and he would try his best to cheer me up. He got me through my teenage years, and when I thought life wasn't worth living, he let me know that I matter. He followed me from Texas, to Panama, Virgina, Texas again, and finally Chicago. He has moved 7 times with me, and home was always where ever I was. In the 16 years I had the honor of being his person, we weren't together for one year - when I moved out of my parent's house.
I regret that I didn't always love him the way he has loved me. As I got older, and real life set in, he was no longer the center of my world. He would ask for love, and I didn't always give it to him. Hundreds of times I shoo-ed him away when I could have let him snuggle up to me. I got annoyed when he insisted on laying between our pillows at night, and it's continued for 3 years. I forgot that all he ever wanted in life was me....I regret those times I didn't remember.
A new chapter in my life opened when I had Cadence. I'm glad that they met, even if Cadence will never remember it. It's fitting that one chapter is starting as another one ends. I knew it was coming, and I tried not to think about it. Now that it's staring me in the face, it's worse then I could imagine.
I wrote a lot more here than I thought I would. If you read it all, I thank you. Once he came of of the seizure, my first thought was to come here. Here, it doesn't matter that it's 4AM and I'm crying. Here, I got to laugh and smile from a few posts before I had the face the reality of my situation again. Here, I have friends who care. It sounds a bit pathetic ... but I think some of you know how it is ... the friendships I have here are some of the best I currently have. Thank you. I don't call any of you as much as I should - picking up that phone can be pretty frightening. I don't want to disturb you guys, so I know online is less intrusive, but I'm sure all of you would take the time to talk to me if I called (I'm more than happy to talk to you if you call ... I might not be around, but I'll get back to you when I am). I may not be here for stretches of time, but you're never far from my thoughts. Thank you.
:main_robin:
Anyway, if this is what I think it is, that's great. If not, then I'll live. Mods ... if it needs to be moved anywhere, then I'd prefer this be in the Insiders forum.
I woke up tonight (as you can see by the time on my post) at the butt-crack of dawn because my cat Troi was having a seizure at my feet. He's an old, old man ... roughly 17 years old ... and his health has been failing for awhile now. His kidneys have been failing for awhile now, and I new his time was getting short. Tonight though, it's the first time I've seriously thought that it's TIME.
This is taking a long time to write - the tears are many and the right words are few.
I've had him for a long time, since I was 11. He was a stray cat that we almost didn't get ... I almost feel like we were SUPPOSE to have him. We were moving from off-base to on base, and my-parents were doing the last little bits at the old house to complete the move while I was visiting my best friend while I was still able to. As they are leaving the house for the last time, a group of 6 or 7 kids they've never met before came up and asked if they wanted a cat. They were handing him around like a blanket, and he was limp and loving it, so they took him. A minute later they pick me up and I see him in the van. I fell in love right away, and he adopted me immediately. I'm sure you all know what I mean when I say that I was his. He sat in my lap on the way home, and never left.
When I was young, I would dress him in doll clothes because he looked funny, and he loved me for it. Every night, he would come into the room and sit on my chest and knead me before falling asleep at my feet. If he couldn't get into my room, he'd pace the hallway yelling "MAMA" so well my Mom thought it was one of us. He knew my school schedule, and he would sit at the door in anticipation of my arrival. If I was late, he would yell at me.
The only thing he ever asked of me was that I love him. He was my friend when I was too shy to make new ones. My confidant when I had none. He never judged, only loved. Not once in 16 years had he so much as hissed at me. He always had an uncanny knack of knowing just when I was at my saddest, and he would try his best to cheer me up. He got me through my teenage years, and when I thought life wasn't worth living, he let me know that I matter. He followed me from Texas, to Panama, Virgina, Texas again, and finally Chicago. He has moved 7 times with me, and home was always where ever I was. In the 16 years I had the honor of being his person, we weren't together for one year - when I moved out of my parent's house.
I regret that I didn't always love him the way he has loved me. As I got older, and real life set in, he was no longer the center of my world. He would ask for love, and I didn't always give it to him. Hundreds of times I shoo-ed him away when I could have let him snuggle up to me. I got annoyed when he insisted on laying between our pillows at night, and it's continued for 3 years. I forgot that all he ever wanted in life was me....I regret those times I didn't remember.
A new chapter in my life opened when I had Cadence. I'm glad that they met, even if Cadence will never remember it. It's fitting that one chapter is starting as another one ends. I knew it was coming, and I tried not to think about it. Now that it's staring me in the face, it's worse then I could imagine.
I wrote a lot more here than I thought I would. If you read it all, I thank you. Once he came of of the seizure, my first thought was to come here. Here, it doesn't matter that it's 4AM and I'm crying. Here, I got to laugh and smile from a few posts before I had the face the reality of my situation again. Here, I have friends who care. It sounds a bit pathetic ... but I think some of you know how it is ... the friendships I have here are some of the best I currently have. Thank you. I don't call any of you as much as I should - picking up that phone can be pretty frightening. I don't want to disturb you guys, so I know online is less intrusive, but I'm sure all of you would take the time to talk to me if I called (I'm more than happy to talk to you if you call ... I might not be around, but I'll get back to you when I am). I may not be here for stretches of time, but you're never far from my thoughts. Thank you.
