Break Out The Hats! It's Pity Party Time!

[Haligren]

I'm pretty sure I won't be moving out of my in-laws house for at least another four years. I keep looking at the ads for apartments and even house rentals in the local newspaper and sighing. I hate it here. I'm going on 25 and I'm still not out on my own yet. Everyone says "Oh well you should appreciate it while you can because you're going to university". I know a lot of people who are on their own and are balancing a job and school and are even younger than me. I'm MARRIED. I should be out on my own. There's two of us. Shouldn't that make it easier?

Chad's parents are nice and everything and do their best to give us our space but it's not enough. They're always asking us what we're doing or where we're going. We don't have a choice to opt out of family things because we happen to live in the house where they often take place. Every weekend there are people over - including a screaming two year old that is going through his terrible twos in every way imaginable. We have no where to store anything because his parents are pack rats and just about every nook and cranny in the house is already occupied with their junk. So our basement area is pretty cluttered.

Chad's parents always let him know how disappointed they are in him whenever he is ill and can't make it to school or work. (He's going to a community college to become an IT tech. But I don't know if anything will come of it. He's already gone for trying to become an electrician but no one will hire him except for jobs that will take him way up north and barely pay him enough money to survive.) He hates it here as much as I do, but he refuses to try and find a better paying job because he works at a local game store and he says "I get paid in video games". He's pretty much an addict - his life pretty much revolves around video games. He even locks himself in the bathroom for hours on end to play his PSP. He also has an inferiority complex and believes that no one else will hire him. He's only working four hours a week and usually spends his pay check on *gasp* video games. When I'm working I usually have to pay for everything else as well as attempt to save. I've been putting twenty dollars aside out of every pay check in hopes that it may one day help us to move out. Chad offers up the occasional dollar and claim it's because he can't afford to give any more.

I don't really blame him for hiding away in his video game world. His parents harrass him because he must ALWAYS been on call for any sort of help or whatever. He has a younger brother who is also with a girlfriend and they are living in a similar situation with her aunt.

But money goes fast. I keep trying to save but something always comes up that sucks our money out - car insurance and maintenance, groceries, rent- when we're not in school - credit card payments - boy was that a mistake. Chad uses it to buy add-ons for games we don't even play over the PS3 network. It eventually adds up. The original idea for the credit card was for gas for the car and the occasional online purchase. It's gotten out of control several times.

I guess I should be one to talk though. I just quit my job at the pet store because I couldn't stand the way they managed their reptiles and I got tired of being the only one who cared. I was repeatedly undermined when I complained or even offered up suggestions. It's gotten so that I'm doing everything short of actually doing the orders for stock and the animals myself and yet I'm only on the schedule once or twice a week. Coupled with suffering from severe depression and anxiety due to my doctor messing with my medications and stress from university I've come very close to outright killing myself. I've gained 20 lbs in two months due to stress and the new medication. I can't fit into much of my clothes any more, but I also can't afford to buy a new wardrobe.

We've been living in this house for about five years now. And when I think about how we're not better off than what we were five years ago I just....don't think I can hang on much longer.

I'm sorry for the pity party but like many on here, GF is my little bit of sanity and I've found many sympathetic people on here.

 

[T&KBrouse]

Cassandra, you are dealing with so much right now. I can completely see why you've hit the peak of what you can stand. I wish I had some good, sound advise for you, but all I can offer is love and support to help you get through this.
Five years is a long time to have to deal with these issues. You know, it sounds like, the situation hasn't changed, but the way you look at it has. Like your "evolving" and setting your own boundries of what is and isn't acceptable. My mother called it the "I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!" phase. We spend most of our young lives learning and observing, occassionally testing our own wings. Then one day, we realize we can fly. Then we look at those around us (that don't serve our 'higher selves,' so to say) and want to ask them, "Have you lost your freakin' minds?"
Life becomes hard and overly complicated at that point, it seems. But there are reasons behind it. Those are your reasons and your lessons, though. We'll be here to help you through it.

You have to stay strong. You're way to young to give up. Life shouldn't be spent waiting for the storm to pass. Time to learn to dance in the rain.

Hang in there, sweetie. We're rooting for ya.

 

[Haligren]

K, thanks for the kind words. They made me cry. But in a good way. I never looked at it like that before. I know I just have to hang in there a bit longer. It's always darkest before the dawn, right?

 

[BettaDragon]

I'm going through some similar thoughts at the moment because the crap my parents are putting me through due to the problems my condition causes. My friends are the greatest support I could ever ask for. I come to them all the time with my problems, as do they come to me when they have a problem. When hard times come up, you need people you can lean on. The people here at the GF are great and we're here for you for support.

That being said, you really should talk to Chad about video game addiction. That can seriously be a problem later. Maybe try to direct him to some game trading sites. I know there are some sites that you can trade games you no longer play for other ones and often just for the cost of shipping. Either that or try to get him a different hobby. I have far too many hobbies and from personal experience, when my hobbies change, I often stop spending so much money on the old one.

Hang in there, we're all here for you.

 

[sunshinegeckofarm]

Hi Cassandra,

I am Danielle I am 24 going on 25 also married and living with my inlaws also. Experience much of what you say on your post. Its hard to deal with believe me I am there. We have no space no privacy no anything, everyone uses us for everything we buy all the groceries and we have to do everyones bitch work per say if we dont we have to hear about it. god forbid we go out and have fun they are like where did you have the money to go out and blah blah its like what the hell we want to have some fun sometimes instead of sitting in this miserable house all the time. We both work we are taking pix for a real estate agent and i do data entry for him also we are going to go for real estate licenses and see what we can do with those. We are both attending college i am going for a vet tech degree. To top things off my husbands family is greek so greek is the language spoke the most in the house and most of the time i have no clue what they are saying and sometimes it sounds like they are talking shit about us. We are the black sheep of the household everyone thinks we are lazy pieces of shit and his parents bend over backwards for his sister whom is a single mother of 2 kids whom comes over like almost everyday and eats up everything and doesn't contribute to what she ate and the girls ate then you have to hear them sounding like hyenas in the tv room talking and the kids running around like idiots. we have no lock on our door other than if we leave we can lock the outside of it so no one can get in but inside the room no lock so they can walk in on us at anytime, our door is a closet sliding door which is shitty and noisy, we have no closet. They hate the animals and are always mean to the dogs.

if you ever want someone to vent to feel free to email me or PM me
[email protected]
I am going thorough the same thing here as you are i hate it everyday sometimes i wish i didnt wake up but i always do

 

[Foreverandever]

I was in the same situation with my ex and living with his parents. I'd much rather be on my own struggling then living in hell and struggling

 

[malt_geckos]

I'm sorry you're going through so much right now. Just know that with school, once you graduate and have a good job, you will make more money. We are on our own but we can never save money. We try and then we have to pay rent. That's how it is when you're in college without a real job. It sucks but just see the light at the end of the tunnle and know that once you get out of college, it will get better.

Also- I know you're married but marriage is a union of two people. You're supposed to help each other with your struggles. It sounds to me like your husband needs to grow up a little bit and realize that he's one of the reasons you're stuck in that house. Being addicted to video games is an actual illness and he needs to get real and see a doctor. If t was me, I would threaten to leave him but I don't know if that's your personality or not. I hope that didn't offend you but it just is how I feel.

If you need any help, let me know.

Mallorie

 

[Haligren]

I'm going through some similar thoughts at the moment because the crap my parents are putting me through due to the problems my condition causes. My friends are the greatest support I could ever ask for. I come to them all the time with my problems, as do they come to me when they have a problem. When hard times come up, you need people you can lean on. The people here at the GF are great and we're here for you for support.

That being said, you really should talk to Chad about video game addiction. That can seriously be a problem later. Maybe try to direct him to some game trading sites. I know there are some sites that you can trade games you no longer play for other ones and often just for the cost of shipping. Either that or try to get him a different hobby. I have far too many hobbies and from personal experience, when my hobbies change, I often stop spending so much money on the old one.

Hang in there, we're all here for you.

Thank you for your kind words. I've spoken to him several times about his 'addiction' but he doesn't think it's that serious, and until recently I didn't either. I also like to play video games and am hesitant to get rid of them. I've tried to get him interested in other things but they just don't seem to matter as much. The trade games online thing is a great idea though. I didn't think about that.

Hi Cassandra,

I am Danielle I am 24 going on 25 also married and living with my inlaws also. Experience much of what you say on your post. Its hard to deal with believe me I am there. We have no space no privacy no anything, everyone uses us for everything we buy all the groceries and we have to do everyones bitch work per say if we dont we have to hear about it. god forbid we go out and have fun they are like where did you have the money to go out and blah blah its like what the hell we want to have some fun sometimes instead of sitting in this miserable house all the time. We both work we are taking pix for a real estate agent and i do data entry for him also we are going to go for real estate licenses and see what we can do with those. We are both attending college i am going for a vet tech degree. To top things off my husbands family is greek so greek is the language spoke the most in the house and most of the time i have no clue what they are saying and sometimes it sounds like they are talking shit about us. We are the black sheep of the household everyone thinks we are lazy pieces of shit and his parents bend over backwards for his sister whom is a single mother of 2 kids whom comes over like almost everyday and eats up everything and doesn't contribute to what she ate and the girls ate then you have to hear them sounding like hyenas in the tv room talking and the kids running around like idiots. we have no lock on our door other than if we leave we can lock the outside of it so no one can get in but inside the room no lock so they can walk in on us at anytime, our door is a closet sliding door which is shitty and noisy, we have no closet. They hate the animals and are always mean to the dogs.

if you ever want someone to vent to feel free to email me or PM me
[email protected]
I am going thorough the same thing here as you are i hate it everyday sometimes i wish i didnt wake up but i always do

Jeez! That sounds like a mess! I'm fortunate in that it's not quite that bad where I'm at. As I said I know things could be a lot worse in my predicament, but things are slowly going downhill. There was one time where Chad's father was banging on our door. I can't remember what he wanted but we were trying to be intimate and when he asked what we were doing I yelled out "F**KING"! It was funny later but I was really, really pissed at the time. At least it shut him up and earned us more privacy from then on. Chad's mother is more forgiving and leniant but his father has always been a bit tougher. He has criticized us for the what we do with our money and has made it clear that he resents our presence. Luckily we've moved into the basement, earning us a bit more room but not much else.

I'm really sorry about your situation though, and I sincerely hope you'll get out of it soon. At least both you and your husband are working together to get out of there. Since I moved in with Chad, I've always felt like I was the only one doing anything. It feels like two rowers in a boat but only one is actually rowing. :\

Thank you for offering me your shoulder though. I appreciate it. You can email me as well if you need someone to vent to. [email protected]

I was in the same situation with my ex and living with his parents. I'd much rather be on my own struggling then living in hell and struggling

My thoughts exactly.

I know you're married but marriage is a union of two people. You're supposed to help each other with your struggles. It sounds to me like your husband needs to grow up a little bit and realize that he's one of the reasons you're stuck in that house. Being addicted to video games is an actual illness and he needs to get real and see a doctor. If t was me, I would threaten to leave him but I don't know if that's your personality or not. I hope that didn't offend you but it just is how I feel.

That's how I feel too, and I've tried to explain this to Chad. He's aware but doesn't seem to know how to go about it. He's very attached to his home life, I think, despite obviously resenting the influence of his parents. I have threatened to leave him several times but I've had no one to turn to up here. I've tried calling on several friends but no one has any room or time for me. I have one friend however who said she would be willing to move in with me and I am still considering taking her up on her offer. But first I need to get some money together. I am considering starting a savings account that Chad doesn't know about so that I can squirrel away some money for myself....

And you haven't offended me. I'm glad you understand and I appreciate your advice. Thank you.

 

[sunshinegeckofarm]

Yeah we try like hell to get out of here we actually did once but it didn't last long. it seems like just when we think we are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel that we hit another wall and have to climb yet another one. my parents offered to move to their house again but i know my dad doesn't care for the dogs in the house and stuff and ours are used to being in the house sometimes also i dont know if i can handle my mom 24/7 lol my dad and my brother i have no problem with but my mom is annoying sometimes and nosy. i am waiting for the day to move out and have a huge party at our own place to celebrate it. i hope you and your husband can get a understanding on you have to save in order to move out on your own that he needs to get out of the game thing i understand its a hobby but limit it to maybe like 2 games a month or something you know what i mean that why he has a game fix and able to have fun with his PS3 or whatever it is..we have Wii but haven't played in like a month now since we started working for the real estate dude. i hope all gets better for you soon its not feeling like you havent done anything with your life believe me i feel like it everyday i feel like i have done nothing even though i am in school and about to start the vet tech courses in a couple of semesters i cant wait for that lol. well write me anytime.

Danielle

 

[paulnj]

:main_robin: 4 hours of work a week :main_laugh:

 

[rubym]

Cassandra when I was 22 years old, I had 3 children , a dead beat immature husband ( He wouldn't keep a job because every place he went demanded that he be on time and work ( how dare a boss do that)and a dead end job and I got the pleasure of living with my mother-in-law....who was less then wonderful to me. There were times when I knew that I couldn't make it through another day in that house or in my life but I got up each day and somehow I made it through another day. You sound like a very tough young lady and someday ( even though it may not seem like it now) you will look back on all of this and be able to atleast chuckle. You will have survived and you will be a H*** of alot stronger for having made it. My ex husband never thought that his friends or his issues were serious either until the day he came home and found his bags packed and on the porch waiting for him. I spent 8 years talking and he never bothered to spend one minute really listening until it was too late. The poor man is 40 years old and he still lives in the same house with his mother. Hang in there . You always have people willing to lend an ear and a cyber shoulder. Best wishes.

 

[Haligren]

Yeah we try like hell to get out of here we actually did once but it didn't last long. it seems like just when we think we are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel that we hit another wall and have to climb yet another one. my parents offered to move to their house again but i know my dad doesn't care for the dogs in the house and stuff and ours are used to being in the house sometimes also i dont know if i can handle my mom 24/7 lol my dad and my brother i have no problem with but my mom is annoying sometimes and nosy. i am waiting for the day to move out and have a huge party at our own place to celebrate it. i hope you and your husband can get a understanding on you have to save in order to move out on your own that he needs to get out of the game thing i understand its a hobby but limit it to maybe like 2 games a month or something you know what i mean that why he has a game fix and able to have fun with his PS3 or whatever it is..we have Wii but haven't played in like a month now since we started working for the real estate dude. i hope all gets better for you soon its not feeling like you havent done anything with your life believe me i feel like it everyday i feel like i have done nothing even though i am in school and about to start the vet tech courses in a couple of semesters i cant wait for that lol. well write me anytime.

Danielle

I've been thinking I should try and limit my husband's time playing vids. But then I start thinking about how I'll be more like a mother than a wife, but I guess I should swallow my pride and try it.
I really hope you get out of that house soon! It sounds like Hell! lol

:main_robin: 4 hours of work a week :main_laugh:

I KNOW, right? lol

Cassandra when I was 22 years old, I had 3 children , a dead beat immature husband ( He wouldn't keep a job because every place he went demanded that he be on time and work ( how dare a boss do that)and a dead end job and I got the pleasure of living with my mother-in-law....who was less then wonderful to me. There were times when I knew that I couldn't make it through another day in that house or in my life but I got up each day and somehow I made it through another day. You sound like a very tough young lady and someday ( even though it may not seem like it now) you will look back on all of this and be able to atleast chuckle. You will have survived and you will be a H*** of alot stronger for having made it. My ex husband never thought that his friends or his issues were serious either until the day he came home and found his bags packed and on the porch waiting for him. I spent 8 years talking and he never bothered to spend one minute really listening until it was too late. The poor man is 40 years old and he still lives in the same house with his mother. Hang in there . You always have people willing to lend an ear and a cyber shoulder. Best wishes.

No offense to those who are in similar situations but after reading what they have to go through every day I feel a bit better. I realize that things could be A LOT worse than what they are so I'm trying to push forward again. The feelings of helplessness are still pretty persistant though. And I probably make Chad sound worse than what he is. He is a hard worker once he gets his mind on something, and I have faith that he'll do better once we're out of here. Atleast, I really hope so.
Thank you for the advice and the shoulder. I appreciate it.

 

[sunshinegeckofarm]

believe me i know its hard to tell your partner in life not to buy this or that or to limit it. but sometimes you have to have a serious talk and discuss finances and what you both want in the future and come to a crossroads of what needs to be done to get to live on your own. I am there now and living here in the florida is no help jobs are hard to come by and when you do come by them its like slave labor for peanuts then you have to buy everything and anything now it would be great if my parents and pull strings and get us there cuz then we wouldnt have to spend alot of money on stuff and i would most likely have use of 2 rooms if my lil bro has a rv outside to sleep in which he wants badly. so therefore i could have a gecko room and then our room which is cool i want that. or we are going to look really soon to moving out of here if we can get a steady amount of money coming in each month so we know what we have to spend since alot of repos are not that badly priced right now here and with 4 dogs we have to own our own place cuz i know there will be damages from them cuz they are chewers of anything that fits in their mouth. I hope all goes well and yes many people have or are living in hell these days especially in the US being the economy is shitty right now and alot of folks have lost their jobs and alot are losing their homes due to many reasons. i hope now you dont feel like the only one that is this crap believe me i am upset quite often cuz i feel i am nothing cuz i am almost 25 and not living in my own house and havent finished school yet. Yes anytime their is a cyber shoulder to lean on and pal to rant too. but maybe you need to talk to your hubby about everything so you guys are on the same page so maybe you can develop plans to execute to get on your own and yall dont have kids so maybe a apartment/condo could be an option i dont know the housing costs where you are but here for a 2 bed apartment is like 550-650 a month and sometimes that covers some utilities. i hope this helps also maybe he can show up his parents by not buying games and saving whatever money possible and be o mom&dad we currently have whatever saved up to move. i know i want to do that to my husbands parents but sadly our savings is dry at the moment. Good Luck

Danielle