Life is sometimes very overwhelming........

[LadyGecko]

My mother is 85 years old and she has moderate Alzheimer's

I have listened to the change in her on the telephone almost daily for the past 3 or so years

She currently lives over 100 miles from me and I do not drive so I really do not get to see her very frequently
I do call her at least once per day-sometimes two or three times if she is having a bad day

She has no conception of money anymore and has problems using the phone-the remote control for the TV and with the lock on the door of the apartment in the senior apartment complex that she lives in

She lives in much closer proximity to my bother than myself-her choice when she moved from her condo around 2 years ago into the retirement community

She lives in a very nice upscale place but I honestly feel that for the money that she is paying to live there($2K plus per month) that she gets very little more than 2 meals per day during the week and one per day on the weekends and the rood over her head-her utilities are included except for the telephone
There is minimal supervision because she is not in assisted living as of yet

I have been trying to talk her into moving down here for the past year and my brother agrees with me
She recently has started to agree to doing so but my problem now is that my brother is extremely busy with his job and family and has not had the time to check the place out down here that i want to move her to
It is an assisted living facility and they specialize in caring for Alzheimer's patients
I live in a very rural location and it is very similar to the type of area where i grew up and i know that she would love it down here
We could take walks together and go shopping when she is up to it

The bottom line is that i would be able to spend time-lots of it- with her before I lose her

I wish that I could have her move in with me but there is no way that I could care for her with the problems that I have and I feel that with me visiting with her every day that she will be much better off in a place with nurses on staff and doctors on call

I am frustrated to get everything going to get her moved-I don't even know if there is a long waiting list at the moment-there was not last month which was the last time that i checked with them

My hands are tied until my brother and I can get together and take care of this
My mother made him her "power of attorney" around 3 years ago-which i have np with
I think that she had an idea of what was happening to her at that time

This is not something new to me
I had a grandmother(fathers mother) that I have very young memories of as a little while haired old lady sitting in a chair holding a doll

My fathers mother was that way for years-living in her own world and it breaks my heart to think that my mother will/might end up like that
Not knowing anyone or what is going on around her
Mom-is in extremely good physical health for a woman of 85 and does not take anything more than Tylenol on a daily basis

I suppose that it might be better for the people that have dementia to not know what is going on rather than having a painful fatal disease but it sure is hell on their family either way

I know that there are going to be some hard /rough times ahead for me
But all i know at this point is that I need her down here to be able to care for her in what ever way that I can
So hopefully this process will get moving and she will be moved down here before winter

Thanks for reading this
It is something that is on my mind 100% of the time

Sandy

 

[RepBex]

i am 17 and over 3 years i watched my granddad have Alzheimer's

being young i did not fully understand why he did not know my name and why he had to have his car taken away. he was put in to a home when my nan could no longer cope due to the fact he no longer knew her..

my granddad was a very important man in my family and was loved by all and is still sadly missed everyday.

but it brought my whole family together they all helped how they could and i have never seen so many members of my family at one time than at his funeral he died 10 october 2001

its gonna be hard and stressfull etc but the one thing u should hold in mind is everytime u remind them of something they have forgotten every time u show them affection they still know and appreachate it

as long as she knows you love her she will be okay

 

[Halley]

Sandy, I’m sorry to hear about your situation, and I hope you can get her to move down near you soon. Your mother is lucky to have such wonderful people like you in her life.

 

[Sunrise Reptile]

Sandy, it sounds to me like you need to stay in touch with your brother. If he's really OK with the idea of your Mom moving closer to you, then he's really your only help in achieving that goal. Keep reminding him of all the benefits the arrangement brings. I hope everything works out for you. :main_yes:

 

[Kristi23]

I hope your brother can find some time to drive down there to check everything out. It sounds like your mom would do really well there.

 

[Mel&Keith]

Sandy, I hope she can move closer to you soon. My dad was in a similar situation, paying for his mother's assisted living center that sounds exactly like the one your mother is in. He built an apartment onto the back of his house so when it came to the point where she was almost out of money she didn't have any choice but to move from Arizona to Texas. We thought the move was going to be horrible since she had previously said that she would move to the Gulf Coast "over her dead body" but she's actually adjusted really quickly and has had more of a positive attitude that we could have ever hoped for. I hope that you end the year with the same sort of success story. It's hard to watch the people we love turn into people we don't even know so maybe spending more time with her will help ease the pain.

 

[LadyGecko]

Thank you all so very much for your support and your caring words

I have been in touch with my brother but it is frustrating as he is extremely busy with work
But I am confident that he realizes how important that it is that we get Mom moved and settled in down here where I can spend time with her

I am hoping that we will be able to check this assisted living place together out this coming week
It sounds perfect and is only about 5 min away from me on my bike

Sandy

 

[fallen_angel]

its gonna be hard and stressfull etc but the one thing u should hold in mind is everytime u remind them of something they have forgotten every time u show them affection they still know and appreachate it

I think this was very well said and may be the most important thing to always keep in mind.

I am so sorry to hear about your situation Sandy I kind of know how it feels, my father is turning 72 in January, and he has drastically changed mentally in the past six months. His mother is 95 and lives with both my parents, and I know how hard things can be for her. I truly hope that everything works out for the best for you and your mother, and I hope that the two of you get the opportunity to spend as much time as possible together very soon. Best wishes to you and your family, you will be in my thoughts/prayers.

Bex, very sorry to hear about your dear grandfather, may he rest in peace.

 

[LadyGecko]

Thanks so very much Jess and thanks to everyone for your wonderful advice and support

Mom informed me last week that she was engaged and getting married and when i asked her the man's name that she plans to marry-she said that she couldn't remember it
:main_huh:

I believe that my brother is in denial more than he knows about Mom's situation and I hopefully will be talking to him tomorrow

The lack of communication between us is very frustrating and I need to know if he asked her about her"recent engagement" when he saw her this weekend

I also wonder if Mom really doesn't want to move down here and is trying o spare my feelings???
I honestly do not know what to think at this point and hope to have more clarity on this tomorrow or asap

Thanks again everyone for listening/reading
Sandy

 

[fallen_angel]

Hey Sandy, I hope things are looking up for you :heart:

 

[modestmouse]

I wish you the best of luck with getting her moved closer to you, I know that that is one of the best moves you can make for both of your well-being.

Now I don't want anyone to get upset, or sad or mad at me for saying it.. But I've got to say this:

Spending time with your mother, no matter what, will be one of the most important things that you can ever do in your life. Even if she does not get moved closer to you, try your best to visit with her & spend time with her. My Dad died last year & everyday it's the hardest thing to get over, but I've got the fact that we were so close to hold dear to me. If there is anything I can say or do to possibly help console you about this, I will be more than willing. But in all honesty, try your best to visit her as much as possible, like I said, it is one of the most important things in your life. I'm not saying you aren't or won't, I am just making sure that anyone knows this.

 

[fallen_angel]

Yes, I definitely agree on that one. I have lived in a different state from my parents for going on 5 years now, and I've only seen them once a year up until this year. It's been the hardest thing for me, knowing that when I leave them I wouldn't be seeing them for another year. Unfortunately, we don't always realize how much we cherish things until we can no longer have them. I miss my mother/father everyday and I long to be able to live near them, as I am sure is the way that you feel Sandy, and I too hope that you can get things worked out to where you to can be living closer together.

 

[LadyGecko]

Thank you Jess and Sybill so very much for your input
I do stay in touch with Mom on the phone as much as possible
I can not get up to see her very often since I do not drive and there is no public transportation to get from here to there

I am dependent upon my bf/long term life parter to get a ride up to see her and he drives 48 plus hours per week for work and he has not been in the best of health lately

I miss my mother a lot and one of the main reasons that I want to move her down here is so that I can spend lots of time with her

I can not afford to move up there and I believe that is not the answer either

The facility down here is smaller and I believe that she would be much happier here

It is just either getting her to agree to move or moving her if she can no longer make that decision on her own
It is a very tough call

I am constantly e-mailing and calling my brother and he gets back to me on the average of once per week

Yeah-I'm frustrated by the whole delay with everything but I have finally decided that I can't make myself sick over this with worry and I have to go along with the flow-so to speak-for the moment

I have managed to catch her on the phone once per day for the last week so that is good
However-she sounds confused lately and it is hard to carry on a conversation with her with her staying on the subject that we are discussing at the moment
I believe that it is harder for her to concentrate with talking on the phone than it is in person

My pain level has been very high with the weather/season change and all of the rain and everything going on sometimes makes my poor head spin

I get all of the animals taken care of and what ever else needs done and then it is not unusual for me to head back to bed for some rest and relief from the pain

I know that things will work out .......it's the period before they do that is rough

Thanks again everyone for your concern and advice

Sandy

 

[fallen_angel]

I know that things will work out .......it's the period before they do that is rough

So very true.