Okay I Just Have to Vent Somewhere...

[Haligren]

Can some please tell me why is it so difficult for some people to change the litter box?

Today is garbage day. I've been busy and my husband has been home all day. He was asked to change the litter boxes this morning. I normally do it - I also scoop them on a regular basis, but my husband always 'forgets' to do what he's asked. Not only that but he's not 'feeling good'. He usually doesn't 'feel good' when someone asks him to do something. And will end up locking himself, his laptop, or his DS, in with him in one of the bathrooms. Occasionally he will do what he's asked but most of the time you have to continuously remind and/or beg him. Typically I end up doing it in the end and then b***h at him about it later.

My husband seems to be of the mind that "if I don't do it, someone else will eventually" or "if I say I don't feel good that automatically exempts me from doing any chores".

Thankfully, although he's lazy as my cat, he's not slob as well...well for the most part. He tends to leave his laundry in large piles in our bedroom instead of putting them in the hamper like I ask him too. And then he gets uppity when I don't do his laundry. Sometimes I end up leaving the hamper in the laundry room and his excuse is is that it's too much of an inconvience to walk into the laundry room (which is right next to our bed room) and toss his clothes into the hamper. Of course, even when the hamper is in our room, that doesn't stop him from creating his version of Mount Clothing-manjaro in the corner of our room. It already looks like a Chinese laundry mat as there are piles of his clothes in one corner that he doesn't want anymore, and expects me to dispose of them. To make matters worse we have a very insecure older cat that belongs to my in-laws that gets a kick out of peeing on dirty clothes. Most of the time she stays out of our bed room (mostly in thanks to our cat who sees it as her territory) but sometimes she gets in there and decides to leave a surprise in my husband's clothing pile.

Not to mention the possibility of spiders and those large beetles that seem to love our basement home. They seem to like piles of laundry.

Are all men this lazy? Is it so hard to get one's husband to clean out a litter box every once in a while and put his laundry in the hamper. I mean, he doesn't even have to wash them himself! I mean, not much is really expected of him, but it's like he's afraid to do anything because then we'll start making him do more stuff. I just want him to pitch in every once in a while. I get anxious whenever I ask him to do something because there is a very large chance that he won't do it. I'm always surprised when he does something his family asks him to do. Typically he manages to worm his way out of things, but then he complains when his family finally gets him to come help with something because it's like they expect him to do more than everybody else. My thoughts are 'maybe if you actually DID what they asked you to do most of the time, they wouldn't expect you to do so much when you are finally forced to help'.

I could totally understand him resisting if he were actually doing work or something but most of the time he's either playing games, reading comics, or looking up porn. I'm surprised he made it through college this year, but I wonder if he did as well as he told me he did...

Holy crap! He's actually washing some towels right now! Did Hell freeze over? I guess it just has to be his idea. I know he can work really hard when he puts his mind to it, but I guess when he's at home he doesn't have to impress anyone....

I'm done. Whew. Feel better now.

 

[Barbel]

LOL... I know you are mad, but I can relate a bit. My boyfriend (we have been living together for over 2 years) and I had litter box issues as well. He would never clean it unless I asked him like a thousand times! Finally I said, I am tired of being the one to do it all the time, so we are going to alternate. I will tell you after I clean it and then it is your turn. You can clean it the next day or a week from now, but I WILL NOT clean it until you did your turn. The longer you wait the worse it will be. After a couple really nasty boxes in a row, he got the point and now does it within a day or two of my turn.
The laundry doesn't bother me as much as the dishes. We both drink a lot of milk and it drives me crazy when the milk is dried in the bottom of the glass. I always tell him you don't even have to stick it in the dishwasher, just at least rinse out or put a little water in the glass to keep the milk from crusting onto the glass. It is a 5 second "chore" but he still doesn't do it. AAHHHH! He also doesn't empty or reload the dishwasher unless there is a huge mess and he needs the space to cook (which he only does maybe twice a month) then he "cleans up" but he is all huffy and angry about it. I'm like, well if you just put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher in the first place, there won't be a big pile of dirty dishes in your way! Also, if I take the time to load and run the dishwasher, could you at least put the clean dishes away when it's done???
So anyway... You are not alone all husbands/boyfriends do things, or don't do things, that annoy their wives/girlfriends.
And yes, for the guys reading this, we know that we annoy you too. That's just part of the fun of being in a relationship!

 

[techgirl]

Is his name Dean? And if it is, how are you dating my boyfriend??? Sounds just like him to a T!! He never helps with housework. AT ALL! His excuse is that he honestly doesn't think of it. When I ask him to do something, it takes days or weeks before it's done and by then I am screaming at him. Litter boxes cleaned? Oh no sweetie, that's all me. Occassionally on garbage day he'll remember. If I don't do it, then it's not done. You're not alone in this. This is a big club. Our secret handshake is just us shaking our head and going "why do we love them?"

 

[breanna-banana13]

All the men spoken about here seem really immature.... he locks himself in the bathroom with laptop, comics, or a DS???? are you kidding me? i honestly mean no offense to anyone but im guessing they did not just develop this problem spontaneously... meaning either they "came with" this defect or it was basically "trained" into them. by whomever, girlfriend, mother, etc.
so what im saying is either you knew how he was before, or the years of letting him get away with it has led to him not doing anything because he knows if he dosnt do it, you will.

he leaves his clothes in a pile on the floor instead of the hamper? if you do the laundry, new rule*: tell him that the only laundry you do is the stuff in the hamper. if its not in the hamper it wont get done. if he dosnt do it, well it looks like he'll be wearing stinky, cat pissy clothes (or going naked- his choice)
*(this actually works...i was helping my mom out for a while bc she had surgery and i told my brother and father that laundry gets done in the basement, if its not there- it dosnt get done)

"he complains when his family asks him to do something" if i remember correctly you live in his familys basement... it is the least he can do to do a favor for them.

"he spends his time on the computer, reading comics and looking at porn" in my eyes this is completely unacceptable and disrespectful. this guy has some serious growing up to do..

in short, tell him to man up and start taking on some responsibility, its rediculous.

my father is the kind of person who has actually said (and i quote) " i would rather eat from the dogs bowl than wash a dish or take a (clean!) dish out of the dishwasher"....my answer? chow down. maybe that is where my hostility for immature men comes from, my mother takes out the garbage and even has to empty the lawn mower bag after he is done. it wont be long before she is spponfeeding him and wiping his butt. its disgusting and its Both of their faults. my boyfriend on the otherhand is a typical guy, he enjoys xbox and computer games and sports center. we do not live together (yet) but have basically planned out out chores lol. we bothe love cooking so thats no big deal. i love laundry (weird i know) and dont mind dishes but hate vacumming and ironing so those are his. its just simple things that make the whole experience easier.(Barbel has got it right with the litterbox thing).

and about the secret handshake thing...i just close my eyes and chant "i love this man. i love this man. i love this man"

wow. see what happens when im bored at work??

 

[Haligren]

LOL... I know you are mad, but I can relate a bit. My boyfriend (we have been living together for over 2 years) and I had litter box issues as well. He would never clean it unless I asked him like a thousand times! Finally I said, I am tired of being the one to do it all the time, so we are going to alternate. I will tell you after I clean it and then it is your turn. You can clean it the next day or a week from now, but I WILL NOT clean it until you did your turn. The longer you wait the worse it will be. After a couple really nasty boxes in a row, he got the point and now does it within a day or two of my turn.
The laundry doesn't bother me as much as the dishes. We both drink a lot of milk and it drives me crazy when the milk is dried in the bottom of the glass. I always tell him you don't even have to stick it in the dishwasher, just at least rinse out or put a little water in the glass to keep the milk from crusting onto the glass. It is a 5 second "chore" but he still doesn't do it. AAHHHH! He also doesn't empty or reload the dishwasher unless there is a huge mess and he needs the space to cook (which he only does maybe twice a month) then he "cleans up" but he is all huffy and angry about it. I'm like, well if you just put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher in the first place, there won't be a big pile of dirty dishes in your way! Also, if I take the time to load and run the dishwasher, could you at least put the clean dishes away when it's done???
So anyway... You are not alone all husbands/boyfriends do things, or don't do things, that annoy their wives/girlfriends.
And yes, for the guys reading this, we know that we annoy you too. That's just part of the fun of being in a relationship!

Oh the milk thing is gross! lol I'm glad my husband's not THAT bad. He does rinse his plates/cups/bowls off before putting them in the dishwasher. Although he has left dirty dishes in the basement for weeks. (I do refuse to pick up after him sometimes.) And that's a good idea about the litter boxes. I'll have to bring that up.

Is his name Dean? And if it is, how are you dating my boyfriend??? Sounds just like him to a T!! He never helps with housework. AT ALL! His excuse is that he honestly doesn't think of it. When I ask him to do something, it takes days or weeks before it's done and by then I am screaming at him. Litter boxes cleaned? Oh no sweetie, that's all me. Occassionally on garbage day he'll remember. If I don't do it, then it's not done. You're not alone in this. This is a big club. Our secret handshake is just us shaking our head and going "why do we love them?"

lol No, my husband's name is Chad...unless your boyfriend is leading a double life! lol That last line is so true! My husband has gotten a lot better about certain things since we started living together. I wrote the above when I was mad at him because he'll go through periods where he relapses back into old habits. But if he doesn't straighten up a bit more, I can see it will evolve into a battle of wills once we move out and it's just me, him, and the cat....I suppose the geckos and fish too, but they live in tanks....

I would say perhaps you should put your foot down and just tell him you're not doing his half of the chores any more, but I've known many guys who don't mind living in squalor as long as it's their's. That's something I simply can't understand, but I come from a very tidy family (my brother, father, and mother are almost OCD when it comes to cleanliness. Seriously.)

All the men spoken about here seem really immature.... he locks himself in the bathroom with laptop, comics, or a DS???? are you kidding me? i honestly mean no offense to anyone but im guessing they did not just develop this problem spontaneously... meaning either they "came with" this defect or it was basically "trained" into them. by whomever, girlfriend, mother, etc.
so what im saying is either you knew how he was before, or the years of letting him get away with it has led to him not doing anything because he knows if he dosnt do it, you will.

he leaves his clothes in a pile on the floor instead of the hamper? if you do the laundry, new rule*: tell him that the only laundry you do is the stuff in the hamper. if its not in the hamper it wont get done. if he dosnt do it, well it looks like he'll be wearing stinky, cat pissy clothes (or going naked- his choice)
*(this actually works...i was helping my mom out for a while bc she had surgery and i told my brother and father that laundry gets done in the basement, if its not there- it dosnt get done)

"he complains when his family asks him to do something" if i remember correctly you live in his familys basement... it is the least he can do to do a favor for them.

"he spends his time on the computer, reading comics and looking at porn" in my eyes this is completely unacceptable and disrespectful. this guy has some serious growing up to do..

in short, tell him to man up and start taking on some responsibility, its rediculous.

my father is the kind of person who has actually said (and i quote) " i would rather eat from the dogs bowl than wash a dish or take a (clean!) dish out of the dishwasher"....my answer? chow down. maybe that is where my hostility for immature men comes from, my mother takes out the garbage and even has to empty the lawn mower bag after he is done. it wont be long before she is spponfeeding him and wiping his butt. its disgusting and its Both of their faults. my boyfriend on the otherhand is a typical guy, he enjoys xbox and computer games and sports center. we do not live together (yet) but have basically planned out out chores lol. we bothe love cooking so thats no big deal. i love laundry (weird i know) and dont mind dishes but hate vacumming and ironing so those are his. its just simple things that make the whole experience easier.(Barbel has got it right with the litterbox thing).

and about the secret handshake thing...i just close my eyes and chant "i love this man. i love this man. i love this man"

wow. see what happens when im bored at work??

I have to admit that I'm aware that I do enable him sometimes, and he knows how much I hate it when he spends all day/night locked in the bathroom with his acoutrements. (Thankfully we have three bathrooms in our house, including our own in the basement.) We've had many a fight about his habits. And I really hope that when we move out of his parents' house, he'll grow up a bit more more...Especially since we'll probably only have one bathroom! And the porn thing is an ongoing battle and leads into a much larger, more troubling rant than the one I've posted here, but for the most part, he seems to have it under control. I can hear him playing his video games when he's in the bathroom. But when it's quiet....The porn thing used to be really bad - to the point where he was actively looking it up while I was in the room. Now, he is much more discreet and I'm sure many on here will think I'm enabling him, but I've come to accept that he is going to indulge in it from time to time. I just don't want to see it or catch him looking at it....He knows it is disrespectful, but aside from that and the anti-chore thing, he does treat me very well overall and I know he loves me. (He tells me all the time.)

But, I think I will take your advice, Breanna, and just try being more firm with him. He and I both know that I'm going to win though.