Paranoid schizophrenic family member

[Sandra]

I know that this topic is a bit out of place but since many of you are full grown adults, I wanted to share to know if anybody has been in a similar situation and has experience with this (and also, why not, to get it off my chest. I haven't told too many people from my surroundings because I don't want them to worry, and I'm forced to act tough in front of those who know so they don't worry even more).

My elder sister recently drew to a personal crisis. No wonder why, many things have happened this last year: my parents got divorced, my dog fell from a second floor because she left the window opened, one of her best friends died in an accident, her boyfriend's mother died from cancer, I went to live on my own, my mother expelled her from home (not because mom is a bad person, it's because it was just impossible to live together with my sister... She hasn't worked or studied at all this last year, he took things without asking and after she broke or lost them, she didn't help at all at home with the housework, just the opossite, she is the untidiest person you can ever find... She would go out at night and didn't appear until midday, sometimes she disappeared for whole days without saying my mother... Well, she's that type of person). Mom thought that she would react and become a bit more responsible if she had the need of getting a job and a house. And things couldn't go worse.

My mother hadn't been able to contact my sister for two weeks when I went there because I was on vacation. That was on January 1st. That same day my sister called home and we noticed she was a bit weird and talking no sense. But well, we waited for her at home. She didn't appear after 7 hours later, and was obviusly under the effects of some drug and extremely paranoid. At first we didn't know how serious the situation was, because my sister is very intelligent and knew how to keep the conversation going. But after she started to say that her friends were waiting at the street (when there was no one), she tried to scape several times shouting that we were trying to kidnap her and telling people that she didn't know at all to help her and calling them by her friends' names (you can imagine the faces of those people at that moment... Priceless). At the second attempt we locked the door, and she said that she would jump from the window. After that, she would start saying that everything was an evil plan to give her a lesson, (my mom had one arm in plaster because of a fall, and my sis said that it was fake, just to make her feel guilty, and the same with my dog's plaster, and that her friend didn0't die, it was a lie to make her feel bad... Things like that). We started talking about House M.D. while we were having dinner and she thought that it was a secret code to talk about her without her noticing, just imagine how paranoid she was...

We expected it to be the effects of some drug and hoped that with some rest she would recover, but the next day she was the same so we took her to the hospital, where she caused some more rows. They found out she had an overdose of cocaine, speed and I don't know how many things more. She stayed at the hospital for some days under the effects of anti-psychotics and sedatives and it seems that she gradually got better. Now she is out of the hospital and doesn't talk all that nosense, but she is still weird... My mom called me and said that the docs have told her that she won't recover and will have to be under anti-psychotic medication and medical help forever. It seems that her brain has suffered irreparable damage.

It may sound a bit harsh, but I wish that my sister would just die... It's not that I hate her, but I don't think I would sadden a bit if that happened. Now my mother will have to take care of my sister forever, and won't have the chance to redo her life after the divorce. My mom is suffering a lot from this, I haven't ever seen her cry more than this. My father is also having a very bad time too. I don't care if someone is so lazy that doesn't want to get a job, or if he/she takes drugs, or anything. It's their life and their bodies and they can do whatever they want with them. What I can't stand is that they hurt others doing so.

I've talked to my sister some times after she was released from the hospital and she really looks a lot better (no evil plans against her or invisible friends, LOL) but she still seems different. She sounds like it's difficult for her to understand things, and sometimes talks nosense. It's like she turned dumb. One psychologist suggested to send her to a working camp to keep her busy. But she seems that doesn't want to get separated from her family even a little bit, just like a kid. If anyone has known a paranoid person, what did you do about it or what did your docs recommend? It would be a big help to know.

 

[robin]

i have a cousin who is clinically diagnosed schizophrenic, an uncle who is paranoid delusional and i have been under psychiatric care since i was like 20 or something, for bipolar disorder (i am 33 now). i had a psychotic breakdown back then with paranoia and everything. [most people here that know me know i am a bit "off" LOL]
you can do a couple of things. encourage her to see a psychiatrist and possibly even a therapist. one thing you can do is help is to support her, mentally and to make her fel that she is safe. do not disregard what she is thinking as untrue because to her it is very much real. while you do not want to encourage it you can try to understand. whether or not this is because of the drugs or just a mental breakdown with the drugs being the catalyst you can try to help her. this may or may not be reversible and most likely can be treated but you and your mom need to give her allot of support and be patient. sometimes good medical care, a supportive family and time are the best thing. most of time just a simple few day stay in the hospital will not "fix" them. like i said time is a big key.
my cousin who is schizophrenic is medicated and married and lives with her husband. my uncle who is paranoid delusional lives a good quality life with his wife. he has children and had a good job before he retired. me, i am not like i was i live a good as life as i can, i am married and will hopefully going back to work soon. people with these problems can have a healthy and productive life.
yeah she may need to be medicated her whole life but that doesn't mean she cant have a life of her own too and eventually without the aid of your mom, dad and/or yourself.
like i said a good support system, good medical care and time.

russell (my husband) may be able to give you a better perspective than i can since he is looking at me and my situation from the outside. so more of a perspective from possibly you and your mothers standpoint. i can only tell you what i think from my point of view.

i hope this helps and i will get russell to respond later when he gets home.

and no i am not a doctor, these are just my experiences and opinions on the subject

 

[Grinning Geckos]

It may sound a bit harsh, but I wish that my sister would just die... It's not that I hate her, but I don't think I would sadden a bit if that happened. Now my mother will have to take care of my sister forever, and won't have the chance to redo her life after the divorce. My mom is suffering a lot from this, I haven't ever seen her cry more than this. My father is also having a very bad time too. I don't care if someone is so lazy that doesn't want to get a job, or if he/she takes drugs, or anything. It's their life and their bodies and they can do whatever they want with them. What I can't stand is that they hurt others doing so.

I'll have to go into this more later, but I just wanted to say I know how you feel.

 

[moosassah]

Sandra, I won't go into details but I've got a couple of bi-polar people in my fam. One is just plain nuts, the other was depressed. I honestly can say that you can't help her without the doctor's help. You are not a professional. The work program sounds interesting. Maybe she'd warm up to it if a family member attended once or twice. Then again, maybe it's like daycare with a child, bring her in, say we'll see you at 12 o'clock, give her a hug & walk out the door feeling a little guilty, but knowing she's safe. Best wishes! J

 

[BalloonzForU]

I think there are more and more people in the same place you are now days. I wish I knew why, maybe we are just more open out these types of thing then we once were, and doctors are starting to understand more.

First off, this is not your sisters fault, but it's normal to feel your's and you mom's live would be much easier without her.

I have not talked to my mom for some time, three plus years, because my life is much easier without all the drama. My mom has issues, my thinking as well as others is bi-polar like Robin. When my mom is having a good day, every thing is rosy and a little goofy, but watch out when she's having a bad say. My mom also acts paranoid but with her she has a right to, as we've all tried to get her help for years, and she resents it and lets us know.

I also have a cousin that just turned 18, and stopped taking her meds, moved out of her house and is living with a drug dealer that raped her with they were in 8th grade together. She's been self destructive for some time and since she's 18, no one can force her to get help. The courts in the state she lives won't help. My aunt has tried to get her help and they just say "Oh, she's 18 she can do what she wants.".

I agree with Robin to be supportive of your sister. You also may want to reinforce to your mom that this is not her fault, as she may be feeling guilt for kicking your sister out of the house.

I wish I could add more to help, but I'm no Dr. One thing that may even help you and your parents is to talk to a Dr. about your feelings, to help deal with this and all the feelings. It may also help you as a family to help your sister.

 

[robin]

oh yeah felicia i think to talk to the doctor or a therapist is a good idea as well.
also sandra the drugs she was taking make have been a way to self medicate herself in oder to cope with how she was feeling mentally. (i did that myself)

 

[brandy101010]

I'm sorry your family is going through this. I have delt with people with mental illness and suffer minor mental illnesses myself. I had a boyfriend for 4 years with borderline personality disorder and was also an alcoholic. All I can tell you is help in any way you can but also realize that you can not help those that do not wish to be helped. Be suportive and let her know you are there for her if she needs you. in situations like these the family needs to stick together and keep reminding yourselves that this is not her fault. It's an illness just like any other. Try not to make her feel "insane" Treat her like a normal person, with respect like you would anyone else. If she feels you are not judging her she may be more willing to let you help her.

 

[sacredcreatures]

Sandra, I am so sorry you and your family have to live with this. My daughter age 28 was diagnoses with Paranoid Schizophrenic from the use of drugs. Its a big story and I will write more about it later. But you need to be supportive for her because what has happened to her is very hard on them too. My daughter believed she killed a man in a hit and run accident while on heavy drugs and he was hauting her, she also believe God talked to her Plus so much more. She is on alot of meds to stop the paranoid part. She is my step daughter so she is now living with her real mother but I was the first she called when she was believing all of her delusions. And we never really got along because I wasn't her real mother and yet her real mother abanded her at 6 months of age. My husband, her father is bipolar and has serious ups and downs to where I worry about him often and lastly My 12 yr old daughter and me are on depression meds since we witnessed my mothers death. I have Post traumatic Stress disorder and severe clinical depression to were I did want to hurt myself. My daughter is the same, she hits herself in the head when her dad gets in his down period but its all due to the depression. And lastly, I lived with my brother who had major head injury when he was 10 from a car accident my brother mother and me were in. He is a real nut case, smart but very weird and nasty when he talks. I wish sometimes he was dead because he did terrible things to me growing up, like shooting me because I called him a name, stabbing me in the shoulder because he didn't like my jacket and throwing a hammer which stuck in my back because he wanted me to get home for dinner. Thats how strange he is. I feel for you but please support her especially right now. I knowthat sometimes these things happen and even though she caused her problems, she is still very mixed up not knowing whats going on herself. My daughter spent a long while in a hospital and a drug rehab and all that. Now we just found out shes pregnant and they took her off alot of her meds. So we are unsure of her future but we are willing to care for her baby if we need to. Good luck and we are here for you, so write and let us know how things are going. Hugs, Deb:main_thumbsup:

 

[Golden Gate Geckos]

Sandra, I am very sorry to hear you and your family are going through this. It will be one of the most difficult and challenging journeys you may ever have to face.

We have come a l-o-n-g way in understanding and treating mental illness, but in many respects we are still in the stone-ages. My family also has a history of mental illness... from clinical depression, to psychosis, and bipolar disorder. I think the main thing to remember is, that most psychiatric disease is a result of biochemical inbalances in the brain chemistry. Neurotransmitters in the brain play a critical role in how we feel, think, and behave. Just like other chemical inbalances like diabetes, most people with these diseases can lead productive lives if managed with medication, lifestyle changes, and therapy.

My first exposure to mental illness was with my grandmother, who back in the 1940's was institutionalized for nearly a year due to psychosis. Back in those days, they simply locked people up and lobotomies and/or shock therapy performed. It wasn't until she was in a asylum for 9 months did the doctors realize she was in the throws of severe menopause, and once she was treated with estrogen therapy she was essentially symptom free from her psychotic episodes for the rest of her life.

I have suffered from clinical depression since puberty, and have been hospitalized on 4 occasions. I went through so many different prescription antidepressant drugs that I was a zombie... I felt numb and disassociated. Today, there are great new treatments for this brain chemistry problem I have suffered most of my adult life.

My younger brother, Mark, had all the classic symptoms of bipolar disorder, yet didn't get diagnosed until he was around 30 years old when he shot himself... and survived. Mark told me when he got the diagnosis that he was tremendously relieved to find that he actually had something legitimately wrong with him!

He became a drug addict and alcoholic from the time he was about 18 until he committed suicide on New Year's Day, 2000 at the age of 42. He did everything he could to self-medicate for those many years before his diagnosis, and wound up with with scirrosis of the liver, Hepatitis A, B, and C. He was diagnosed with HIV at age 33 from using infected needles. My father disowned Mark, because he refused to accept that he had a son that was 'mentally ill' and not just a low-life druggie. He didn't speak to Mark for 17 years, and never forgave himself when Mark killed himself.

My personal belief is, that any time we or a loved one, or even someone we know, gets diagnosed with any kind of disease, the first step is to educate ourselves as much as possible about the condition. When we are equipped with the knowledge of how this disease affects the person, and us, we have the tools to help us understand and deal with it, and be a supporting force in how the disease gets managed.

With this understanding, it is essential to provide the acceptance and love that the inflicted ones need so desparately. These loved ones are STILL our loved ones... they just have a condition that requires us to adjust the way we have related to them in the past. They have a life-long battle that cannot be fought without our unconditional love, acceptance, and support. They need to know we are on their team, and will not abandon them.

Here is a poem I wrote for Mark when he was diagnosed with terminal AIDS, yet continued his self-destructive behavior with drugs and alcohol...


BROTHER

Who but I could ever know
the agony you bear…
Or tell you that I understand
and how much I really care.

For I have felt that icy hand
that grips your aching heart,
And I have known the loneliness
that keeps you and life apart.

I know too, your endless search
for answers deep inside…
for solutions that lie within yourself,
not knowing where they hide.

Each hour is one more struggle
to keep going day by day.
That path, I too have wandered
without the light to guide the way.

I wish that I could break those chains
and let your blind eyes see,
there is life beyond your prison…
and set your spirit free.

All I can do is love you, Mark…
How much, I hope you know.
We’re two branches from the same tree,
that chose a different way to grow.

 

[Sandra]

I didn't know these things were so common...! It must be what Felicia said, we are just discovering more about this type of illnesses lately.

Robin, I don't think that anyone needs to live forever at her parent's home just because they are paranoid. But I mean, if she wasn't able to get a life when she was perfectly sane, what is going to happen now that she isn't? And knowing my sister, I'm sure that if she lived on her own she would skip the medication and therapy... I think that she is only taking it to make my mother happy, but doesn't really think that she needs it (she's the 'Im right, everyone else is wrong' type). I don't think my mother will let her alone. I also that think she is feeling guilty for kicking her out... Probably thinks that this wouldn't have happened if she didn't.

I'm somewhat doing the same as Felicia, I live far away from them and I just try not to think too much about that... I don't know how to feel about this, maybe I'm just too selfish wanting to keep away from all this drama. I'm not the type who likes to play the victim and I'm not so strong to want to get too involved either... I just want to go on with my life. Of course I want to help them too but I don't really know what can I do...

And, about what I said of my sister dying... I know that she loves me and I feel a bit guilty for thinking like that, but she has just brought problems to this family her whole life. She has got my parents into (serious) debts several times, has betrayed their trust many times too, and as you can see, she was involved in drug issues too... She has done too many things wrong to be listed in one post, but I can tell you that she doesn't deserve all the opportunities she has had. She has the problems that she wants, period. She loves to think she is a misunderstood victim, that the world sucks, that life isn't worth... If she had faced her problems as the adult she is supposed to be she wouldn't have collapsed like that, that's what I think. She doesn't deserve the time and worries everyone is going though to take care of her now, but we'll support her... Once again.

I think she is going to go to a therapist, although I'm not sure of what kind of therapy she will be receiving, because I wasn't home when my mother called to say this and was my boyfriend who picked up the phone. They said something about her getting a job, too. I have to call mom when I have some time so she tells me better.

Ps. Deborah, it's horrible what happened with your brother! He's really nuts... Luckily my sister didn't get all that violent, although she sometimes threatened with a knife or her fist.

Edited: I didn't saw your post Marcia... Wow, that must have been hard to bear I'm very sorry for what happened to Mark...

 

[BalloonzForU]

Marcia, well said. And what a beautiful poem for your brother.

 

[BalloonzForU]

Sandra,

I lived with my mother till I was 18 and she was always like this, and has refused help her whole life, she's now 56. I've given up on my mom, because she's hurt me, not just mentally but physically, and my 17 year old sister too. When she was court ordered to get help in order to get custody of my sister, she refused, saying nothing was wrong with her, and that everyone was out to get her. She dis-owned me recently after finding out I'm the one that called child services to have my sister removed from the house. My mother has had many chances and given every ave to help herself while she tore everyone apart that loved her. I chose a different life far away from my mom, in order to give my children a more stable life. When I was in contact with my mom, I would find myself acting like her, and became depressed all the time. I'm sure I have some sort of mental illness too but no where near the degree my mom does. I've had many bad things happen in my life to me and refuse to let them get the better of me.

I guess my point is your sister is still young, don't give up hope, keep loving her, keep close to her. You mentioned all the things she's done in the past, but this mental illness has been there this whole time and she has no control over it, she just hid it well and it's probably going to get worse before it gets better.

 

[brandy101010]

Marcia.
I'm so sorry about Mark. It sounds like you were a great sister to him. That poem is beautiful.

Sandra,
I know you feel that your sister does not deserve help and does not deserve what you and your family do for her and you may be right, I don't know her. But I know you do love her and do want to help her or you would not have wrote this post. I know how it feels to have your feelings torn in different directions. When I was with my Ex that I mentioned earlier I felt that way too. I wanted to run as far away as I could but at the same time I couldn't because I loved him and wanted to help him. in the end I had to get out because it was getting dangerous. I guess i'm just trying to let you know that I sorta know what you are going through. Just remember that your sister Is "sick" she can not help the way she feels. Think of it like someone with any other illness. Most illnesses effect people physically. this one is effecting your sister mentally. I'm not saying that because she is mentally ill that she should not be responsible for her actions but It may be a little harder for her to control her actions.
Take care.

 

[robin]

Robin, I don't think that anyone needs to live forever at her parent's home just because they are paranoid. But I mean, if she wasn't able to get a life when she was perfectly sane, what is going to happen now that she isn't? And knowing my sister, I'm sure that if she lived on her own she would skip the medication and therapy... I think that she is only taking it to make my mother happy, but doesn't really think that she needs it (she's the 'Im right, everyone else is wrong' type). I don't think my mother will let her alone. I also that think she is feeling guilty for kicking her out... Probably thinks that this wouldn't have happened if she didn't.
.

chances are she was not completely sane before she had this recent breakdown. it was most likely not as severe as it is now. chances are doing drugs and drinking was the way she medicated herself in order for her to feel more normal. and yes sometimes literally from one day to the next someone can have a breakdown. their body can not take it anymore and this is what it does.
when i got sick around 20 or whatever (i am not sure how old i was exactly) i lost allot of time that i can not remember. i am not talking days but months and possibly even years. allot i can not remember and the rest is a big blur. but i remember not being right but i didn't know what it was... next thing i knew i was moved out of my apartment and living with my parents. i remember someone mentioning something about a hospital but i do not remember. my parents said i didnt go to one that i was heavily medicated and that i had to have 24 hour supervision. i do remember taking a bath and my mom sitting on the toilet while i took a bath if i went to the bathroom i had to leave the door open.. anything i could possibly hurt myself or someone else with was removed from the house. my mother slept with me every night. i do remember shuffling around the house unplugging plugged in items like lamps and electronics because i was afraid the house was going to burn down. i remember being afraid to go outside of my house because i thought someone was gonna kill me, i remember being afraid to watch the news on TYV and i remembering wanting to kill my grandmother. i love my grandmother, i always have but i had this urge to choke her to death., literally kill her with my bare hands. why? i don't know. i am sure i will never know. thats pretty much all i can remember. i have no clue how much time had passed, still don't.
she may not remember some of the stuff she did and she may not realize what she has done and later on what she is doing right now. the brain works in strange ways.
but one thing i know. that without the help and support of my family i would not be here today. i live a "normal" life. i sound allot like your sister except my parents didn't kick me out. i moved out and they paid for all my expenses.. i had no responsibilities, i didn't have to worry about paying bills if i wanted cloths of whatever i got them. i didn't have to do a thing and all i did was party. even after i got sick and i kinda was sorta stabilized (i think i made my parent think i was doing ok, but i can not remember) i did the same thing and started mixing drugs and alcohol with my psychiatric medicines (very very bad thing to do). like i said earlier it takes time. i know it's hard to be patient. most likely she can be treated and live a somewhat normal life on her own. don't give up on her and try, try to support her. because even though she may not say it or admit it, she does need you right now

 

[Jayyoung]

Sandra,
I will keep you in thought and prayer. I am a nurse and have worked in the psychiatric field, also someone close to me has been diagnosed with B.A.D. (bipolar affective disorder) I have seen from both sides the hurt mental illness can cause. As a "third party care giver" and a loved one. Providing support during this time is difficult. I wish I could provide some form of relief but often with mental illness time proves to be the best aide. Time to adjust, accept, and forgive. I hope you find peace and time to rest.
I think every one is crazy. Have you ever been alone and heard your name called, or been in a car with a friend and think they said some thing to you they deny saying? Most things dubbed crazy go on in every ones head every day (opinion) some have more mental energy to apply defense mechanisms. I have seen a loved one suffer "normal" mania and depression from B.A.D. and then go into a hyper-manic state becoming completely delusional and paranoid I was lost. At the time I was working for a company that provided care to people with MRDD/MI. I understood from a nursing stand point what to do, but at the same time the feelings I had, the emotional connection stopped me from thinking objectively. Their actions, I knew to be caused by the disease still hurt, so much I could not separate my self enough to help. They had a complete psychotic break and ended up in a psych ward. A very difficult time for them and I didn't know how to help them. I did it every day for someone else but my I was powerless to help my loved one. Partly because I was a "key player" in many of their delusions. To date this person is off medication and very stable I have asked many different doctors about this and they offer no answers. They could relapse into paranoid thinking at any time. I believe though that one reason for their recovery was learning to use defense mechanisms. often with mental illness there is a lack of sleep, that is a major problem for anyone. You mentioned drug use, and Robin spoke of self medication. These things happen far to often and compound a preexisting problem. I myself have S.A.D. (social anxiety disorder) I am just recently accepting this and seeking help. By recent I mean 3 years ago. It is difficult to admit problems of this nature. Society sees MI as a fault a short coming that makes you less of a person or dangerous. That is one reason people don't seek help as soon as if they cut a finger off. I am just going on now sorry. I also apologize for the rambling nature of this. again my thoughts and prayers are with you.

 

[Sandra]

But I know you do love her and do want to help her or you would not have wrote this post.

Haha you caught me... As I said, it's not like I hate her... I just think that if that happened, it would be easier for everyone.

Felicia, I didn't know that your mother's case was so awful. It must have felt horrible... Probably I look just like a coward compared to you saying that I don't want to get involved. But I'm not leaving my house, job, studies, friends, etc here to go back to my mother's house to help her with my sister, I'm sure my family wouldn't be happy at all if I did, because I had to struggle a lot to be where I am today. When I think about all this I feel like it would be easier for me to be there so I wouldn't worry so much, so the best I can do is just try to not think about this too much.

I asked my sister if she remembered what she did that day and she says she does, but I don't know which version of the facts she does remember... I didn't want to talk too much about this. Maybe she still remembers it like we were all against her and holding her back from going to the street for no reason? Or now that she's better she realizes that everything was a delusion? I thought that, like Robin, she wouldn't remember it too well but she says she does... :main_huh:

Well, we will have to wait and see how the medication and therapy is working on her. Maybe she needed this great blow to react and she will try to make her own life from now on, I don't know.

Thanks everyone for sharing your experiences, I know it must be very unpleasant to talk about them. But your opinions are helping me a lot. Thank you!

Ps. One funny thing is that when my sister was all paranoid, she was like that towards every person who was there with her (my mother, my boyfriend, a friend of my mother who lived near and helped us to get her back to home when she was trying to scape, and me) but with my dogs she acted completely normal. Nothing can compare to puppy love

 

[BalloonzForU]

Sandra,

I don't think you are a coward. I takes a lot to admit what is going in on your family when it comes to mental illness and even more to bring it to a public forum. But at least now you know you are not alone. Like I said before getting help not only for your sister but you and the rest of the family will help you all understand, and help you work out your own emotions. You don't have to move back to your mom's to be helpful and suportive. Just visit when you can and talk to your sister. Let her know you're there and that you love her.