Relationship Problems.

[Tanga]

I've been with my long time fiance for 6 years now. We've had our ups and downs and of course like any normal couple we have the occasional arguments. He works in a school system and there's a troubled 15 year old girl that has been going to him for advice for the past year or so. Well, now she's texting him all these stupid little messages on his phone. So I confronted him about it and told him I thought it was kinda weird that a 15 year old girl is "texting" him as a full grown man and I told him it bothered me. He got all mad and said "Oh there's nothing going on, she's frikkin' 15 years old! I'd lose my job, my life, everything. You're CRAZY to think something is going on!!" So he turned the whole thing around on me. Whatever.
I'm really thinking twice about marrying this man. :main_thumbsdown:

 

[Ccrashca069]

hmmmmmmmmm pretty weird that he gave her his cell phone number. My question would be if he would lose his job because of her why he give her the number?

 

[Tanga]

Well his excuse for having her number is because she was going thru a "crises" and wanted to kill herself so he wanted to be there for her. This automatically tells me that she's mentally unstable and might be a threat to my relationship not knowing where this girl's mind is at.
I smell the B.S. alarm going off, seriously. I was a 15 year old girl once and I know how they are, they can be just as bad as a teenage boy when it comes to crushes.

Forgot to add that I just got out of the hospital on Tuesday. I don't need this added stress, I've been through quite enough already.

 

[LizMarie]

That would definately send a red flag soaring into the air for me. He's in the school system and should know how to handle these types of situations. I'm not a teacher but shouldn't he be contacting the parents or referring her to a school counselor (i'd imagine they one or two of them around, unless that's him)?

He should really know better working in the school system, even if he's not doing anything why would he jeopardize his relationship and career to help this girl out. If this gets out to the school board he might be in trouble male school personale, young female student don't mix. No matter the "Crisis" he shouldn't be giving out his personal information to help her, if it's that bad he should help her seek professional help.

Take it Easy, Tanga. I wish you nothing but the best, hopefully this "issue" is really nothing and will blow over soon.

 

[ataber]

just take your time and dont rush into the marriage or any other decisions...which doesnt seem like you are since u said long time fiance. honestly i have a friend(well shes pretty much my lil sister) that is in a similar situation, at least the having 2nd thoughts about marrying the guy part. maybe he really is just trying to be very caring (maybe a lil too caring in some ppl's eyes) to this girl. 15 is awful young but some guys do that somehow. i hope everything works out for you though! if u need nething just let us know we are pretty much a family here a very dysfunctional one but a family nonetheless

 

[Sandra]

I don't mean to discourage you, but when I was 15 years old I was dating a guy that was 22. It's not all that common but it's not as weird as your fiance wants you to see it.

I agree with LizMarie, mainly about this:

if he's not doing anything why would he jeopardize his relationship and career to help this girl out.

I would have a serious talk with him and ask him this. And tell him that you really are having a bad time because of this and that please doesn't try to turn everything around you.

I hope it's nothing.

 

[gaparicio]

I work in the school systems and the one thing we should not do under any circumstance is hand out our personal information to students. I can see how he wants to help out this teen but there are other ways he could have gone about doing that. I don't think he's a counselor is he?(even counselors can't hand out personal information).

In my school there are at least 10 girls that are in need of some help. I seriously doubt that she is the only girl in his whole school that needs his personal help. I guess what I'm trying to say is that he made a mistake and should talk to the girl about stopping the messages because it's unprofessional on his part. It could go the other way as well. What if the girls parents find out they're texting each other and they don't like it one bit. The parents would bring this up with the principal or dean and what does he have to back himself up. His superiors don't know his real intentions. All they see and think of is a grown man having silly conversations with a 15 year old girl. This instantly raises eyebrows.

 

[Stitch]

When I was in middle school, my art teacher thought I was suicidal (I wasn't, the teacher misunderstood my conversation). He told me that he had to contact my parents, because if something happened to me and the school system found that he knew he would lose his job and possibly be held accountable.

Basically what I'm saying is that if he thinks that she's suicidal the parents should be contacted as well as the principal and counselors.

Twist it on him, tell him that you want him to help her by getting the proper authorities involved. That being the parents, principal, counselors and if needed psychiatric care. :main_robin:

 

[dprince]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Red flags are going up for me as well. Even though people are aware of the bad things that happen when teachers and students hook up, it still happens every day, sadly.

I think you are very wise to think twice about marrying this man. :main_yes:

 

[moosassah]

Twist it on him, tell him that you want him to help her by getting the proper authorities involved. That being the parents, principal, counselors and if needed psychiatric care. :main_robin:

OH YEAH! Exactly what he said. You couldn't have better advise than this. She needs help & he is not what she needs.

 

[Ccrashca069]

You could always just change the locks on the door and have a suitcase waiting outside for him. That should really make him come too his senses.

 

[malt_geckos]

I was going to go to school to be a teacher and the first thing I learned in one of my college classes is you never give out your personal information like that or let a student-teacher relationship be anything more than help in the classroom or during tutoring time. So, that's strange because he should know to not give out that info and he should also know that there's a line that should not be crossed. It seems like that his helping her has gone from helping to more like a nonprofessional friendship? I don't really know what to call it....

But when people get very overdefensive about stuff like that, that usually means they're uncomfortable about the situation.

I can't tell you what to do but I would talk to him and if he can't tell you without coping an attitude, I would also reconsider the marriage because when you're married, you're supposed to be able to be open and talk with one another.

 

[wilomn]

I'm a cynical SOB. Seems to me that if he was really interested in helping this girl he'd be asking YOU for advice, since you used to be a 15 year old girl.

I work with a lot of teachers, and this has trouble written all over it.

Then again, maybe the guy is a saint. Personally, I don't think saintliness has anything to do with it but I don't know him so you really have to look long and hard at the whole situation.

I really hope it works out for the good of all of you but if he continues contact with this minor I don't see a good outcome.

 

[SteveB]

I'm going to go ahead and say that it's inappropriate and I would be hesitant to commit to someone who could be so self destructive. Even if it's innocent, it could turn on him.

I'm also going to say that as sick as it is, I know plenty of guys in their twenties that absolutely would go after a teenage girl... especially in this scenario where the guy perhaps hasn't progressed much past high school dating in maturity due to lack of experience...

 

[malt_geckos]

Yeah, Matt works at aa bar and some of the people in there are in their late 20s and talk about how hott girls are that are in there mid teens...and I told them it was pervy but some guys just don't care.

 

[mmsi1002]

You should come before his job & his own life if you're engaged. Don't forget that.

 

[SteveB]

You should come before his job & his own life if you're engaged. Don't forget that.

disagree... his own life, including his career aspirations, are part of the attraction. Marriage is about compromise and mutually beneficial decisions... not about putting the other person above yourself.

 

[paulnj]

I say if you love him, you trust him. While I know some guys are dogs, not all are.

I assure you I have spent many hours talking with a few female friends on this bourd and sometimes the word " love" comes from my mouth even. My GF hears that and doesn't bat an eye. Reason being, she knows I love her and she trusts me

I must say though, I had a girl I used to work with get my number and that girl was a stalker and came right out and told me what her intentions were.

 

[LadyGecko]

I would just keep your eyes wide open on this one

Maybe it is all innocent on his part-but open communication and him asking for your advice IMO should be a part of the communication between the two of you

I see no good coming of something like this and if his intentions are altruistic then he should just direct her to counseling as was already suggested

Giving out his cell # was NOT a smart move on his part no matter how good his intentions might be

Good Luck and take care of yourself

Sandy

 

[eric]

Tanga you know your man better than anyone if you feel somethings not right act upon your instincts trust yourself the more you think about what might be happing and the thoughts in your head will drive you mad so in short if it smells bad its probably bad cut bait and run!! I wish you the best Tanga