Cherish EVERY day you are alive!

[JordanAng420]

I honestly have no idea why i'm posting...I think i'm just sort of at my breaking point and I don't know what else to do or where to go...

Anyone that's spoken to me, or read my posts before is most likely aware that I work as a veterinary technician with a special interest in reptiles & other exotic pets. Currently, I am in school AGAIN, since my licence requires me to test every few years, and have a certain amount of continuing education hours that I must obtain from lectures, drug companies, etc...I enjoy school for the most part.
This past year for me has been compleatly unyeilding. I started the year off with the diagnosis of a small malignant melanoma in the middle of my back. The growth has since been removed, and has had no regrowth, thank goodness.
My husband was temporarily relocated to Texas for 5 months, and I was unable (for personal reasons) to travel with him...he returned last November, and began having these terrible headaches which then changed into him going numb on the left side of his body, to the point where he couldn't even hold anything in his left hand...I took him to the ER, (and had convinced myself, through denial I guess, that it was a pinched nerve) and after they did a CT scan, found that the entire right side of his brain was bleeding. He had a Craniotomy 6 hours later. And I had to be sedated and restrained. Not joking.
He spent the next few days in a coma, and the next 2 and a half weeks recovering in the hospital. I barely remember that period of time. I was functioning on pure adrenaline and nicotine, with a spash of Merlot every few hours.I just know that some way, somehow, I STILL went to school, I STILL took my finals, and I STILL managed a 4.0 GPA.
3 months later, he's home with me. He's on a whole schmorgasboard (sp?) of medications that make him weird...his speech and motor functions have not been affected (by the grace of SOMETHING) I try and care for him as best I can. And lately, the positive attitude I once had that he fell in love with, is pretty rare. The whole thing really took a toll on my thoughts and feelings. I worry that he'll take another blow to the head (he does martial arts) and he'll kill himself instantly.
We're just having such a hard time getting along right now. I just lost a lot of money with the recent stock market bulls***....and now we're a quarter of a million dollars in debt with all these medical bills (as we have no health insurance at the time) so REALLY it's hard to stay positive sometimes....
I'm sorry I laid this all on you guys. I just really needed to talk to someone...besides him. Thanks for listening and sorry it's so long.

 

[whkrazyk]

OMG, im soo sry, thats alot to go through, ill pray for you guys, keep your head up, and look forward to the little things that make you smile and laugh, and laugh at every chance you get.

 

[Sunrise Reptile]

That would be a lot for ANYBODY to deal with! :main_yes: I'm glad both of you made it through everything "for the most part" OK. Keep your chin up. Things are probably only getting better from here. All the Best for you guys!

 

[Blizzard Lizard]

Something good will happen to you. Just keep your head up.

 

[Jenn]

wow Im so sorry you had and have to go thru all this. Keep you head up and vent when Needed I know it can be hard being the strong/positive one. Just know something ha to give and good things will come to good people it just takes longer for some. I hope you husband continues to recover and be safe.

 

[BettaDragon]

That's a lot happening all at once. I all to well know the feeling of how hard it is to keep positive about things. You'll pull through though. You've got my support here. I'm routing for ya!

 

[2bacop]

Your life sounds like mine!

I got very very sick and had to be hospitalized and for 3 months the doctors could not figure out what was wrong. In this time I was in an out of doctors and specialists and had so many tests run on me. They finally diagnosed it as Gastroporisis. This was something that was not dealt with very often. So much so that I have to order my medicine from the UK because it is not sold in the U.S. Not only that but this was my senior year in high school and I missed everything and barely graduated. On top of this my grandmother got sick and died in May. The same week my grandmother died, my dad found out that he had stage 4 lung cancer. He died a month later. This is just the beginning of all that has happened this year. To my list you can add kidney stones and a really really bad dog bite that has left a very noticable scar on my arm. I wont even get into the other members of my family and there emergencies, but trust me when I say there is not a week that goes by that someone is not hospitalized or at the very least ill in some way that is more serious than the flu. I know how you feel for sure, and I am only 18!

P.S. I am always here for a talk, I can sympathize!

 

[Haligren]

I don't know how you managed to do as well as you did while your husband was sick like that. I probably would have fallen apart. You're very strong. So I know you'll get through the rest of this. Bad times can't last forever, right? *hugs* Good luck!

 

[Riyo]

I can't imagine being in your shoes, you are incredibly strong willed. Good luck, I hope for the best for the both of you! Get well soon and keep your chin up

 

[Golden Gate Geckos]

WOW. You have a LOT on your plate, and I'm glad you felt like you could come here on the forum and share...

This traumatic situation is stressful for BOTH you and your husband. Being a caretaker means that you feel like you have to be 'up' and 'brave' most of the time. Everybody is concerned about your husband, but very few will ask how YOU are doing. Remeber that if you do not take care of yourself, you cannot have 100% of the resources you need to support your husband.

On the flip-side, being the one who needs the care is tough as well. It's hard to look back and see what a strong, healthy, vital person there once was. A sense of overwhelming loss like that can mean having to totally redefine one's self. Most people do not want to be limited to what can be done right now... the focus is on what cannot be done.

You are both overwhelmed and afraid. The anxiety alone can leave you both exhausted and frustrated, with little time or energy to focus on living in the moment. If we spend all our resources worrying and being afraid of what might happen, we cheat ourselves out of the joy we can have right now! There was a reason that your husband is still with you... you said it yourself. It's called Grace. Focus on the one thing that really matters right at this moment. Each other.

 

[Snowy & Petra de Gecko]

Sorry

I am at a loss for words. What can I say other than that I can feel for both you and your family.

Sometimes it seems that in life everything is going your way and at other times it feels that somebody is crapping in your bed.

Right now there is a lot of crap going on.

Know that we are thinking of you and your family and will keep you in our prayers.

Focus on your family and keep doing the little things that in the long run mean so much more.

 

[fallen_angel]

Don't be sorry to let everything out, we're all here for you when you're in need.

I am sorry to hear that you and your husband are not getting along so well now, and that everything you've gone through together has really broken you down. I would think that right now he may need you more now than ever, you both should try your best to stay positive and look forward to things getting better. I know it's very hard when times are so rough like this, but the best thing to do is just keep your head up and take one day at a time. You have eachother and are together now. Spend the time together and cherish what you have now. Try not to let all of the bad things break you down entirely, sometimes the light of hope is very small, but tomorrow's another day.

 

[moosassah]

You probably won't listen, but TAKE SOME TIME FOR YOU.

I repeat, YOU NEED YOU TIME.

I don't care if it's as simple as going out for a cup of coffee & reading the funny pages in the coffee shop. Please just take a little time to do something for you. Go out with friends for a vent-fest. No money? Fine. Go in with friends. Hang at their house for a few hours.

You'll probably feel a lot better when you give into yourself a little.

 

[rubym]

Everyone need a place to vent and heaven knows from the sounds of it you deserve some time to vent. I am sorry truly sorry that it is so hard right now for you. I agree with jeanine, you need to remember to take just a little time for yourself. Even if it is as simple as a 30 minute bubble bath with some candles and soft music. Don't think about the world outside that locked door for just a few minutes. My mom loved to use the quote " whatever doesn't kill us proves to make us stronger". It took me a lot of years to realize that she and that saying are right. We don't see it until we are through the hard times but trust me when you come out the other side of this thing, you will be stronger for it. My thoughts are with you during this. I hope you see the light at the end of this tunnel very soon. Hugs and best wishes.