Life sucks.

[Select Gex]

So first of all.. I am sorry for posting this. It makes me feel like I am asking for "omg sorry" posts and makes me feel incredibly vulnerable. The thing is a lot of people on this forum have watched me grow up and I look up to them like Aunts and Uncles.

I called my Mom today for the first time in 4 days. Turns out my Dad has not been paid in 4 weeks. I asked her last time I went home... just how long can our family live if my Dad looses his job? She told me not very long. Well tonight she told me "Remember when you asked about how long we can last? Well, we can't any longer".

The last time I was home my dad said something that scared me. He said "I just want to kill myself". He is upset he cannot support his own family. How does a son deal with that? How can I go slap my dad on the wrists for saying something so terrible? I'll get him a counselor! Oh, wait. No money.

Then she tells me start looking into student loans because she doesn't know how we will pay for school next semester. Perfect. She told me, maybe I can take what I have in the stock market out but it won't be much. She says "I just want you to be able to finish school". Well I am a sophomore at a two year school. So technically I will get my Associates in Business after next semester. Does she not realize I am going on to get my bachelors? Four years mom, not two..

Then she tells me we need to give back a tortoise or two I bought. I think to myself, give back? I bought red foot tortoise with intent to breed them. Oh, okay. I'll give them back. The poop stinks when they are indoors during the winter and they eat too much. Sigh, okay mom. I'll sell them, no problem. They are just what give me the most joy when I am home.

Now I sit here, typing this. I am sitting on the edge with classes this semester. I have never been this type of student, I usually pull a low A or high B. A D? What's that... I guess I'll know soon enough.

I know everyone else has their troubles, especially now in this crises we are all in now.

 

[Golden Gate Geckos]

Matt, the last thing I want to do is sound like your parent. But, parents will do everything they can possibly do to make their children's life and future better than their own. It is a deep sense of failure when we can't. Things are VERY tough right now, and as parents, we do everything we can to shield and protect our kids from it.

With our economy failing the way it is now, some of us are wondering how in the heck we will be able to retire, much less afford to put our kids kids through college. Our homes are valued at more than 50% of what they were worth 3 years ago. Jobs are being eliminated in astronimical numbers. Our paychecks are being stretched with the price of fuel just to get us to work and back... to pay for the bills, mortgages, and tuition we could afford a couple of years ago.

My parents couldn't afford to put me through college back in the 70's before you were even born. I had to get a job and work full-time while paying for my own education. Yeah, it took me a lot longer than others who seemed to 'have it made' with their folks paying their way. But I did it!

I'm sure your parents are really struggling right now... not only financially, but with their dream to get you through college and make your life better than theirs ever could be. Things must be pretty critical for them to have to tell you about it.

You may have to get a job, Matt. You may have to cut back your classes so you can do it right now. You may need to get a college loan for your education. The main thing is, that YOU may have to come to terms with the fact that you are going to have to be instrumental in your own future.

If you can do this, EVERYONE will benefit from it! You will have the education you will need to survive in this unknown and shaky future, and be able to say you did it yourself. And, in doing so, you will let your folks off the hook during these desparate times.

You can do it, Matt! Just think... a few years from now you will be able to look back and say you worked hard for your own future, and make your parents even more proud and greatful that they raised such an incredible son.

 

[Grinning Geckos]

Well put Marcia!!

 

[preacherman]

Sorry to hear you're struggling with things right now, Matthew. My parents are on the verge of losing their business right now, and it's a very difficult thing to watch.
My only advise is this: don't give up on your education because the cost seems intimidating. My wife and I both went to a private Christian universtity, and it wasn't cheap. I was fortunate enough to receive a few small scholarships, but our parents were in no position at the time to help us out, and we ended up with a pile of student loans. We also worked two jobs each all the way through school to help offset the cost. We still have a long way to go before those loans are paid off, but it was well worth it. Hang in there, and good luck with everything.

 

[nwheat]

Well said, Marcia. Most of us are experiencing stress (understatement?) over the current financial situation - it does seem terribly unfair that you have to deal with it at your age, though. It's important to just work through it and stay in school. Things will get better - hopefully sooner rather than later.

Most of the students at the college where I teach have to work full-time or at least part-time. Many also have families to care for. I know it is hard for them and I can see that they sometimes struggle, but many of them are successful in reaching their goals.

I'm sure that you will be successful!! And we're always here when you need to vent a little!

 

[dprince]

Matt, many of us here really do feel for you. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all of this - especially if your father is even talking about suicide. Please look into your county resources to find out if he could qualify for some FREE mental health help - some counties do offer this, and it could be a (literal) lifesaver for not only your dad, but yourself. Depression is an incredibly hard thing to deal with during good times, but with THESE current times.......... :main_thumbsdown:

PLEASE also know that you can only do so much - you cannot fix this for him. You can offer support, check out mental heath care options in your area (check with your county first), and plan to find a way to pay your own way through school. I know it sucks, especially when you didn't plan to have to do that, but it's not the end of the world. I had to pay my own way through college - 6 1/2 years to get my masters. I worked and had student loans. But the payoff is worth it - PLEASE don't give up school because times look tough. Times will get better, and you will be so proud of yourself for accomplishing your goals and not giving up on your dreams.

Hang in there, and like Nancy said, we're always hear if you need an ear.

 

[LizMarie]

Sorry to hear about what's going on. I wish I could lift your spirits up.

I've been in a similar situation. When I was in high school (private school) my mother's hours were reduced so was her pay and we couldn't get much money from food stamps. It was a very hard period in our lives, that almost lasted a year. I was so terrified that we would end up on the streets with no where to go. I also found it very hard to talk to people because they couldn't understand (be serious a private school, these people bought $400 shoes to run around a gym!!!!, Lol) My mom was just like your dad she wanted it to end and sadly enough spent 3 days in a mental ward because she had a nervous breakdown and was put on suicide watch leaving me home alone. It was hard but we made it through.

My mom still lives pay check to pay check at times but we made it through the roughest part. Even though you might be scared, confused and extremely worried there will be a brighter side sooner or later. You might have to do a few things you don't want to or tighten your pockets but it will get better. You just need to come together as a family and see what everyone can do and try their best to keep their spirits up. You guys have each other, love and most likely your health.. everything else is just extraness..

 

[Select Gex]

Thanks guys, I feel better after getting my thoughts and frustrations out.

I actually am working though, heh. I have an on campus job, try to make income via my web projects, and worked all summer at an awesome job. Working isn't a problem, its just I can't work much more without giving up classes totally.

Things are looking up for this summer though. I have work opportunities in the reptile field as well as where I worked last year at a mission based camp. Those two things are motivators enough.

Thanks again for your support! Love you guys.

 

[bohannbj]

Julie made it through college with anti help. Her parents were against her going to college and she fought all the way through college. On a cool note, one of her jobs was babysitting Carl Crawford's son. She worked for the salvation army, three workstudies, Rays internship, liquor store, car dealership and volunteered at K-Life. She did it all, but she made it through and is tough as nails now. Times are tough but they will get better as long as gas stays low. This country runs on oil litterally, and if its cheap then business will pick up. And I hate to say it Marcia, but I think retirement is a thing of the past for my generation. I figure my great grandchildren will be paying off this debt until they die. Just terrible.
Brent

 

[clear]

Everything I am going to say is my opinion. Take it any way you want.

You should start paying for your own college and let your parents use that extra money for bills to give you shelter. School loans are not the end of the world and as an adult you should be paying for them yourself (most school loans you don't pay until your out of school). This little bit off the shoulders of your parents will help them in many different ways.

What can you do for your dad? Talking to him and telling him that you understand and you want to help will make him feel better. Show your parents you are willing to cut back on things that you feel is a necessity in your life which in your parents eyes are not necessity. When times get rough everyone has to stick together to pull through it. I give this advice because I once was in the same boat.

 

[SLY]

You mentioned web design, have you looked at your local craigslist? There's usually a ton of gigs that you can grab doing easy (and I mean EASY) web design stuff. Hell, that stuff pays for my beer money. A $350+ job every couple of months isn't bad at all.

Also, and don't take this the wrong way...but have you looked at the military? If you're not opposed, one usually comes out of the service pretty well off, with job skills to boot. And if you want to finish school before you leave, fine...check out ROTC...they'll pay your way provided you enlist as an officer straight out of school (5 year active duty). It's really not a bad gig, trust me. But also, if you finish up this year at school, then enlist, you'll start out at a higher rank/rating (E-3) and you'll likely move the promotion a little more quickly (depending on your MOS). Then once you're out, the government still pays for your school.

 

[Untide]

Maybe you should I don't know get a job and get student loans? I do it, I work everyday at 3am and I go to school part time. It's life and sometimes you have to deal with it instead of going emo. With that being said good luck with your situation, times are tough...but what doesn't kill you will make you stronger.

 

[thestack510]

Consider it all a test. Times are tough, you've got to be tougher. In life things happen in cycles, all you have to do is ride it out. No one worth the skin they're in has gone through life without troubles. Do your best to help lighten the load for your parents. You'll find when this is all over that you are tempered by your experiences and at that point you will be stronger than you ever have been before. If I were you (my family history seems quite different) I would have a serious one on one talk with my father and express to him how it made me (you) feel when he mentioned suicide. Let him know that you need him there with you, and that you are there with him. On a much lighter note, take some time to get away from it all. Go connect with nature. A nice hike, a vigorous run, or maybe some field herping might do the trick. I prefer a local Japanese Tea Garden. I don't know your beliefs, but prayer/meditation can help too. Good job venting. Bottling things up only makes things worse. Be a phoenix.