Little Preturbed This Morning

[goReptiles]

I'm not a morning person, so don't tell me as I'm walking out the door, "I told your dad about the extra turtles, and he just shook his head. Oh, and I think I'm going to start charging you rent now."

I get it. Your house your rules. That's why I've been looking for a house. The one I thought I was going to get earlier this year fell through on the basis of it needed more work that I was willing.

I'm still looking and found one. But, now because things have changed with my finances, I have to go back and get re-approved. I barely have time for myself, much less to go to the mortgage place.

She's been in a mood for some time, and is usually my pal in hiding the extra animals from my dad. Now, she's tells on me. I get it. They want me out. Ok, mom. If I have to I will get an apartment, although, I'd rather them wait for me to get this house

I am fully aware that it is my fault for the extra turtles, but don't tell me about rent as I'm walking out the door for work at 7:30 in the morning when you know I don't really like to be talked to in the morning.

**

Now, once again my fault completely, but I failed to see where my final was due October 1-3, and I missed that since it is the 5th. I have a B right now, but when grades are in, I'll have an F if he doesn't let me retake it with a late penalty.

Again, my fault completely, as I somehow missed the announcement, but UGHH this just isn't a good morning and it's only 8:24am.

 

[goReptiles]

I have an addiction apparently.


She doesn't tell my dad that who burns off more calories that he eats. Or when he has 1-4 boxes a day coming in for his motorcycle or some sort of exercising thing.

 

[Dog Shrink]

I have an addiction apparently.

Um yeah but don't all of us here have some form of that same addiction? or we wouldn't be here right?

Coming from a parent side I can relate to where your parent's are, seeing you miss finals, bring on more burdon with more turtles, working so much to support your current habits and put away for a house, it's frustrating for them to see you not trhive and strive the way they know you can when you're passionate about something.

Starting with a house right off the bat, not a good idea imo, unless you have a serious do-able offer in mind. Still in school (or so it sounds), what kinda job/career you workin now? Are you making at least 40-50k a year? If not owning can be very difficult, not so much that you won't qualify but moreso the upkeep and maint. of the home and grounds or modify as you want to suit your herp addiction . If you absolutely have to go that way, I'd suggest looking at short sales, they can sometimes work out a little better for a lower price with a move in condition home. It would almost be more reasonable beneficial for you to offer your parents an insulting rent offer such as $200 a month just so you can tell them to shut up and do what you want imo.

The 17 year old in me many years ago remembers my mom giving me the same pay rent or get out speech (at 17 mind you) at (get this) Christmas time. So I worked to pay rent, last year of catholic high school ,car, ins. and food. I was too "proud" I guess you could say (mom and I didn't get along well. Think "Mommy Dearest" when you hear me and my mom) to succum to my mom's demand for rent. I see it now as a bit of a mistake because I could have enjoyed my youth a little more, worked less, banked money, and learned a lesson by paying her (in some odd way).

As far as the not a morning person, join the club, I'd have tee shirts made up if I could being a parent, I know why they did it. We old folks like to get our worst part of the day done as soon as we can so the rest of the day can be enjoyed. A little of making your day worse so they can make their better. A bit of a selfish trade off but not one we parents usually do often. It can't always be about you hon. Being resistant, bitter and smug is only going to make them react accordingly, then it's just a big mess.

Ok I'm rambling now. All I can say is I hope when I give my 14 year old son the same pay rent speech (and he knows it'll come some day but he wants to be a Marine so I doubt it'll reach that), I hope he handles it gracefully, maturely, prob. with a little bit of his sarcastic humor, but understanding It's about accountability, responsibility, and installing good values.

Anywho... that's my 2 cents. I hope in some small way it can help a little :main_yes:

 

[sunshinegeckofarm]

im sorry that you and your mom/parents aren't getting along. but we can definitely relate on that, hence why we left my husbands parents house we were tired of being judged, mentally abused and etc. I hope you guys can work something out or you can find a place thats in your budget.

 

[maggiee22195]

I have a question... Why is it that the kids need to pay the parents rent??? If the parents decided to have the kid, they support the kid until he/she is 18 IMO. I don't think that a kid should have to pay a parent anything to live in a house, have food, clothes, and love. When it comes to having kids, you as the parents decide that is what you are going to do, but you also need to take into consideration that you will have the kid for 18 years. You will have to pay for food, clothes, and shelter. The parents decided to have a family, and therefore they should support that family until they become "legal" adults.

 

[Desdemona]

I was lucky, my parents didn't make me pay rent. As long as I was in college, they were happy. They would rather see me go to college and have the free time I needed for class than to stress me with rent, having to get a job, etc. Mind you, if I didn't go to college then they would have asked for rent. I will do things a little differently when my son gets to that age though. I went to college right out of high school, and didn't take it seriously, was burnt out, etc. I am going to give him a year to just enjoy life and be "irresponsible" (mind you I don't want to be paying bail, but he can live with me rent free). Of course once he turns 19 then it will be time for him to get serious. But, this way he will have a year with no school or other pressures to figure out what he really wants to do (not all kids know at 18).

But, anyways, I'm getting way off topic. It's a little passive aggressive to tell someone the "bad news" as they are walking out of the door. I suggest you sit down with your parents and have an adult discussion about everything. Not buying any new pets till you have a place of your own would probably be a good idea as well.

I am also with the renting for a few years. A house is a HUGE obligation. Are you guaranteed to work where you are going to school? If you end up having to take a job out of state or town then you will have to deal with selling a house. Once you have a full time career, THEN you should buy a house. The economics teacher I had in college suggested not buying unless you knew you were going to live there for 5 years. I am 30 and don't own a house, I am military and move much too often.

 

[robin]

I have a question... Why is it that the kids need to pay the parents rent??? If the parents decided to have the kid, they support the kid until he/she is 18 IMO. I don't think that a kid should have to pay a parent anything to live in a house, have food, clothes, and love. When it comes to having kids, you as the parents decide that is what you are going to do, but you also need to take into consideration that you will have the kid for 18 years. You will have to pay for food, clothes, and shelter. The parents decided to have a family, and therefore they should support that family until they become "legal" adults.

it's called responsibility

 

[prettyinpink]

I have a question... Why is it that the kids need to pay the parents rent??? If the parents decided to have the kid, they support the kid until he/she is 18 IMO. I don't think that a kid should have to pay a parent anything to live in a house, have food, clothes, and love. When it comes to having kids, you as the parents decide that is what you are going to do, but you also need to take into consideration that you will have the kid for 18 years. You will have to pay for food, clothes, and shelter. The parents decided to have a family, and therefore they should support that family until they become "legal" adults.

I honestly haven't heard of many people paying their parents rent for before the age of 18. But I guess I'm weird

@goReptiles -- Tbh at 23 I wouldn't say it's a 'huge' deal she's asking for rent money. I'm not too sure what she's asking, meaning how much. But if I was you I'd much rather stay with them and pay (if what they're asking is a reasonable amound) a lot lower amount then to move out and pay a ****ton of bills. You could always talk to her and maybe reason with her if you're having a money issue and say you'd be willing to pay for grocries and maybe some bills here and there. I'm not you though, and don't know you're situation. Just stick in there Doesn't seem too bad imo but you're probably thinking ":main_rolleyes:" ... but that's me

 

[Stl_Greaser]

My parents never asked me for rent, but I worked two jobs my senior year of high school! They told me at about 11 or 12 "if you stay away from drugs and alcohol, you can pretty much do what ever you want!" They never had a problem with any of the reptiles as I paid for all of their needs out of my own pocket. They never said anything about all of the tattoos I started getting my senior year. After graduating one of my jobs went full time and I stayed on at the other part time job as well. The never asked but I did offer, figured as an adult in the household I should try to contribute. I still did chores and everything! Mom was actually upset when I bought my house at 22 years old.

 

[maggiee22195]

I honestly haven't heard of many people paying their parents rent for before the age of 18. But I guess I'm weird

@goReptiles -- Tbh at 23 I wouldn't say it's a 'huge' deal she's asking for rent money. I'm not too sure what she's asking, meaning how much. But if I was you I'd much rather stay with them and pay (if what they're asking is a reasonable amound) a lot lower amount then to move out and pay a ****ton of bills. You could always talk to her and maybe reason with her if you're having a money issue and say you'd be willing to pay for grocries and maybe some bills here and there. I'm not you though, and don't know you're situation. Just stick in there Doesn't seem too bad imo but you're probably thinking ":main_rolleyes:" ... but that's me

I have never heard of it either... and I think Robins comment was not accurate. It is not responsibility, having to balance highschool, a job, a life, and paying for things that your parents should be able to cover because they decided to have the kid(s). I do not think the a 17 year old should be paying rent. But once the kid turns 18 I think it could be taken into consideration. But I think until they are, once again, "legal" adults, they sould not have to pay their parents for what parents are supposed to provide. But that is just in my opinion. If, when I have kids, they have healthy hobbies, stay away from drugs and alchohol and have good grades, they won't need to move out or pay rent until they turn 18, 19 or maybe even 20 years old. If I decide to have kids I am going to ask myself these questions, "will I be able to PROVIDE and not take from my children until they are at least 18 years of age?" I think that is a very valid question. But I just wanted to know why any kid younger than 18 should have to pay rent. I can understand being 23 and being responsible, but when you are still a minor I just don't think it is necessary.

 

[Desdemona]

This conversation makes me think of a book I have called, "Our Babies, Ourselves." It approaches child raising from a cultural standpoint, how our culture affects how we raise kids. In America we have a fast paced society where we develop independence so we push our kids to grow up as fast as possible. We want them to sleep on their own from the moment they are born, push them away if they take up too much of our time, etc. In societies where infant survival is more important babies are kept close. They are attached to their parents pretty much 24/7 for the first few years of life. Independence is not that important because they survive as a whole not as individuals. Of course their kids still learn self care independence since it is a natural part of aging, but they do so naturally vs being pushed into it.

People forget sometimes that the first twenty years of life are only 1/4th of a person's life, if they live to 80. You were suppose to be grown up yesterday and if you do anything to suggest that you are not then an adult then you must be pushed into it, even if you are just a teenager.

Psychological studies show that kids who are allowed to gain independence naturally, per a developmental stage are as adults, more independent than kids who are forced into it too young. Mind you these are studies on young kids, not teenagers (I don't know if one has been done on teens). Infants and toddlers who are given to much animosity have lowered self esteem and cling to their parents more than infants and toddlers who had more adult attachment.

But, our society says that we must be independent as soon as possible, so that is what most parents do.

 

[prettyinpink]

Maggie, Maybe I missed something but the OP is 23 not 17? I'm confused as to how we got talking about 17? Did I miss something?

As for how in detail you're going I'm not going to go that far. But to say everything you stated at your age, at 17... I think you'll change your mind a lot when you have children of your own and you start 'actually' thinking about this. I know my parents said a lot of things when they were younger, which did not happen when they got older. I'll just leave it at that

 

[maggiee22195]

Maggie, Maybe I missed something but the OP is 23 not 17? I'm confused as to how we got talking about 17? Did I miss something?

As for how in detail you're going I'm not going to go that far. But to say everything you stated at your age, at 17... I think you'll change your mind a lot when you have children of your own and you start 'actually' thinking about this. I know my parents said a lot of things when they were younger, which did not happen when they got older. I'll just leave it at that

Well, when it comes to that stuff I tend to think rationally and reasonably. And I am going from what dog shrink said. I know tha OP is not 17... dog shrink said she was given the speech at 17. I think if you are 23 you should have to either get your own place or pay rent... but I;m just sayin until the kid is 18 they sould not have to pay... thats all I'm gettin at.

 

[maggiee22195]

This conversation makes me think of a book I have called, "Our Babies, Ourselves." It approaches child raising from a cultural standpoint, how our culture affects how we raise kids. In America we have a fast paced society where we develop independence so we push our kids to grow up as fast as possible. We want them to sleep on their own from the moment they are born, push them away if they take up too much of our time, etc. In societies where infant survival is more important babies are kept close. They are attached to their parents pretty much 24/7 for the first few years of life. Independence is not that important because they survive as a whole not as individuals. Of course their kids still learn self care independence since it is a natural part of aging, but they do so naturally vs being pushed into it.

People forget sometimes that the first twenty years of life are only 1/4th of a person's life, if they live to 80. You were suppose to be grown up yesterday and if you do anything to suggest that you are not then an adult then you must be pushed into it, even if you are just a teenager.

Psychological studies show that kids who are allowed to gain independence naturally, per a developmental stage are as adults, more independent than kids who are forced into it too young. Mind you these are studies on young kids, not teenagers (I don't know if one has been done on teens). Infants and toddlers who are given to much animosity have lowered self esteem and cling to their parents more than infants and toddlers who had more adult attachment.

But, our society says that we must be independent as soon as possible, so that is what most parents do.

Nicely Said! +1

 

[robin]

Well, when it comes to that stuff I tend to think rationally and reasonably. And I am going from what dog shrink said. I know tha OP is not 17... dog shrink said she was given the speech at 17. I think if you are 23 you should have to either get your own place or pay rent... but I;m just sayin until the kid is 18 they sould not have to pay... thats all I'm gettin at.

what if the kids graduates at 16 or 17?

 

[maggiee22195]

what if the kids graduates at 16 or 17?

Then the kid can get a job and move out early if THEY want to. Otherwise, they can have a job and live in the house until they are 18... at 16 and 17 many if not all are just getting licenses, or permits, or are just the legal age to get a job... you can't expect a kid to cover all food expenses and maybe the electric or gas or water bill when they are just starting out.

 

[M_surinamensis]

what if the kids graduates at 16 or 17?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-iHFA31l1uY