made a big decision...

[Golden Gate Geckos]

After getting in my car in my slippers and spending the night (alone) at the Ramada Inn last night, I have decided I want a separation and am going to ask my husband to leave tonight. If he refuses, he will be on a business trip for a few days next week and I will simply pack his clothes and personal items, change the door locks, and leave the stuff on the front porch.

I would leave, but where would I go with 2 dogs, 100+ geckos, and a monthly Social Security Disability check of $1528... and very sick on top of that?

I actually feel very calm right now, despite feeling like a two-dimensional gaping 'void' of any feelings. I don't feel sad, or mad, or scared. I don't feel any love, hate, or ANYTHING! I am completely indifferent about everything. I feel numb, detached, and robotic.

 

[Jeremy Letkey]

Marcia, if you need anything, let me know. It is a big decision and I support you.

 

[Mel&Keith]

Wow, we hope the everything works out the way it needs to.

 

[BalloonzForU]

I'm sorry you've had to make this choice Marcia. We are here for you!

((((HUGS))))





edit due to my brain not typing what I'm thinking. That's happening way too much lately.

 

[PaulSage]

Marcia, give me a call later if you feel like talking.

 

[Jeanne]

Wow Marcia, I am sorry to hear this, if you need ANYTHING, please just ask!

((HUGS)) from your friend in Boston!

 

[Golden Gate Geckos]

Well, I was going to talk to him last night, but I fell asleep before he came home. I got up around midnight and he was sleeping on the sofa, and them was gone to work by the time I woke up again this morning.

I was all brave and ready to tell him I wanted a separation, but now anxiety is taking over. My heart feels like it's going to explode, and I don't go back to the Dr. until Tuesday the 5th. I thought I had my mind made up, but maybe now isn't the time to act on a major decision like this?

I am terrified that I will wind up going through what Jeanne went through when she had to sell her geckos and move out into her own place...

 

[Jeanne]

I am terrified that I will wind up going through what Jeanne went through when she had to sell her geckos and move out into her own place...

Hi Marcia,

I know all too well what you are going through, maybe not to the extent, Bobby and I weren't married and we were only together for about 8 years. BUT, I do know about that exploding feeling you are talking about, it is a combination of you wanting really bad to do what you KNOW is best for you, but not wanting to hurt Glen. Unfortunately I let it get to the point of a complete and total breakdown, and that is what it took to get me to DO what I KNEW needed to be done. It still wasn't easy, but it was the best thing that I could have done for myself. I am now living the life I yearned (sp) for so badly, and it feels great. I still feel bad about walking out on Bobby, but fortunately we have been abe to remain friends, which is important to me.

Remember that life is short, there comes a time when you need to start thinking of YOURSELF!

Seriously Marcia, if you need to talk to someone who understands what you are going through, and has survived it, call me 978-996-5995. Nights are best for me

 

[Jeanne]

P.S. I LOVE you Marcia!

 

[nwheat]

Oh, Marcia I'm so sorry you're having so much trouble!! (((hugs))) PLEASE try not to let yourself get super stressed over this - I know that's pretty much impossible (and I know that's an understatement), but it worries me so to think of you dealing with all this anxiety when you are already sick.

 

[dragonflyreptiles]

I know that this does not apply to you situation Marcia buts its All I can tell you ans as I thought about it I thought that maybe this is too long of a story with along background to get to how daughter became injured and while at the hospital with her stiches and Cody and Dad waiting to see if she was ok the first thing I heard off the phone was He took my 8 year son to a crack house to buy drugs.

A REALLY BIG WAKE up call for me!

 

[KelliH]

I love you, Marcia. Whatever decision you make, we are all behind you. ***hug***

 

[dragonflyreptiles]

Yeah, that's just it Marcia, We are here for you, to backyou up, stand beside you when you feel like you can't stand on your own, to push you back up if you take a slight fall. That is what friends are for, to be there no matter what, and I hope you know we are and that I am, even I can only offen conversation and big HUGS! Hey, Maybe Ill get to fly out to you one day in the next couple of years!

 

[Golden Gate Geckos]

I told Glenn to leave. He refused. But after I went to my room with the dogs, I heard him on the phone telling everybody in his family I wanted him to leave and he wanted to make sure they had is cell phone number.

I don't know what will happen now. I just know I am very sick and need to get better... if I can. I feel completely numb and void, and wish my heart would just stop beating.

 

[dragonflyreptiles]

I am very sorry you are going through all of this, I hope this is what you really want, only you can make the decision that is best for you and decide what your breaking point is and make things happen.

Your heart will mend, not anytime soon, maybe not for a long time but it will and we will all be here to help you anytime we can, even if you just need someone to cry to, you have listen to me cry many a time!

 

[Golden Gate Geckos]

Glenn has been packing all day.

 

[PaulSage]

 

[Golden Gate Geckos]

Glenn's stuff is all moved and in storage. My son and his roommate have a spare room for him... God know's Danny has come come plenty of times needing a place to stay and some TLC. But Glenn says he will not leave me while I am sick. He will sleep in the guest room, or leave the house temporarily, but he cannot walk away from me if I am sick.

I see the Cardiologist again on Tuesday, and have my echocardiogram that day as well. I just don't have the strength right now to do much of anything except sleep, so I don't care. I need my husband to care about me.

 

[Jeremy Letkey]

Good luck with everything. I hope that Glen can be emotionally supportive. Do'n let him stress you out more than you already are.

Get some rest... sleep is good.

 

[Jeanne]

Get some rest... sleep is good.

Yes, yes it is!

I hope everything goes good at the cardiologist tomorrow. i will be thinking about you all day! Please update us ASAP.

Love Ya!!!!