something serious...

[Golden Gate Geckos]

I know that "happens in Vegas stays in Vegas"... so I need to post something before I go insane. It's not anything X-rated, and I don't want to fight. I guess I just need to type out some stuff or I will surely self-destruct.

There's only a couple of you (Kelli, Britttney, Eric) who realy know me personally. I'm just the Mean Old Gecko Lady to most people. But I am so much more than that. I'm gonna be 55 years old here in another month, and I am disabled with FMS and have degenerative bone disease. I cannot remember having a pain-free day in nearly 9 years.

I also have a husband who is an alcoholic and is sometimes abusive. He is a good man... hard working, loving and considerate deep inside. But he is abusive none-the-less. Last Monday night, he got drunk and hurt me really bad. My next door neighbors called the police, and he was dragged out of OUR home in handcuffs. I was fortunate enough to have Brittney who lives a few blocks away come and get me, and I stayed 2 nights at her home.

Tonight, I am just walking around this empty house feeling lost. It traumatized me seeing my husband, Glenn, taken from our home by the police in handcuffs. Seeing this was worse than any physical or emotional pain I have ever endured. I don't know where he is, but I just know that I cannot let him be HERE. I have to be strong and try to take care of myself.

I'm sorry if I seemd so angry here a few days ago. I WAS angry. I took it out on the Fight Club Forum. I hope you will know that I really didn't mean to be so cruel to anyone. I just didn't know how to express myself any other way, and felt like it was 'safe' for me to let it out here, even it if was inappropriate.

I know that one person here said they lost all respect for me. I want you to know that I have worked hard over the past 14 years to earn the respect of the community, and I am sorry if I let any one of you down. I'm sorry that I let my anger, frustration, and pain come out in such an ugly way.

Truly, if I didn't have these wonderful creatures to take care of, and this forum to try and do the best I know how to do to help, and all of you, I would be... well, I don't know where I'd be.

Anyway, please know that in my heart each and every one of you (and your geckos) are important to me. It's what makes getting up each day worthwhile.

 

[Kitsune]

Oh Marcia. I'm sooo sorry to hear this. =( I know we don't know each other well at all, but I respect you so so much. You're such a strong person.
Please know that I (and the rest of the community, I'm sure!) will always be here should you need us! We're all only a PM away!
Things WILL get better. Be strong and keep your head up. I'm sending lots of hugs your way!

 

[David Evans Reptiles]

Marica, I don't know you on a personal level and I believe I may have only asked you one or two questions by email, but I do know what you have brought to the gecko world. I for one have the up most respect for you and all the other pioneers of this hobby. And it will take alittle more than a bad attitude or name calling for me to loose that respect. Not everyones life is all butterflies and flowers and its only normal for people to release there frustration when overwhelmed. It sounds like you might needed to vent in the fight club, I think that was the best place for you to do this. I personally didn't read anything you said that offended me in any way. I am sorry to hear that the last few weeks was a extremely rough time for you. If I could ever do anything to help you out, I would be more than willing to other than the fact I live on the other side of the U.S. But if you ever need someone to yell at, fell free to fire away. I wish you the best and hope your issue is resolved in a manner that will best benefit your needs.

 

[JCornelisse5]

Marcia,

I'm a cop that specializes in domestic abuse/relationships. I'm not like most asshole cops and I know I don't know you on a personal level. However, I respect everything in this thread you just talked about. It's extremely hard and I am here for you for anything that you need. Instead of a PM if you need someone to talk to especially someone that sees it almost everyday of the week I am here for you. Your's a strong woman and I will list my own private cell phone number for you to call any day or time. Even if it's just to talk. (401) 378-7588. Like I said ANYTIME. I can give advice or just talk and understand. My name is Jeff Cornelisse. I can't tell you how much respect I have for you for saying all that to everyone in here. Again you're a strong woman.


anything you need,
Jeff

 

[fallen_angel]

Well thus far everyone has pretty much said where I stand as well.

Marcia, you are one of the people that paved the way for all of us to be here, of course many of us respect you for that and ALWAYS will!! We ALL have bad days, life's a bitch more often than not IMO. I too have dealt with alcoholism and abuse, it's very detrimental to your well being to say the very least. I am terribly sorry that you are going through something like that especially.

I guess there is one time that I addressed you in the thread with all those pictures, and I was a little upset by your comment.. but before long, it really wasn't a big deal at all. I quickly got over it, and I was trying to express that in the thread as well. There's nothing that you could do to make me think less of you, besides personally fucking me over, and well.. I just don't think that will ever happen!! When we move to northern CA, I truly would love to meet you in person. I am very sorry that you are going through all of this, at least you have friends that are always going to be there for you in your time of need (that's what's MOST important of all). My heart is with you during this very difficult time.

 

[fallen_angel]

I also have a confession to make, and maybe this will put a little smile on your face, I don't know.. mind you, I also should have known how to correctly pronounce your name since you are Irish..

But for the longest time, when I read your name, I was pronouncing it "Mar-see-a" instead of "Mar-sha" LOL

It wasn't until I heard your name actually spoken on Late Night Leos that I knew how to correctly pronounce it, how bad is that?

 

[Kristi23]

I am so sorry to hear this, Marcia. Very few people know this, but I was in an abusive relationship with my daughter's father. It is so hard to see the person you love turn into someone completly different. People think it's so easy to just leave, but they don't know how hard that is unless they've been in that situation, too. I am always here if you need anything. I hope things will start to look up for you. There is hope. I am married to a man now who would never lay a hand on me and treats my daughter like his own. My ex (never married though) made me feel like no one else would ever want me or love me like he did. It was just another way to break me down.

 

[paulnj]

Marcia, I KNOW YOU QUITE WELL TOO and have known about you home life for awhile. I totally understand what you are going through and think if Glenn shows intent to change on his own( AA, anger management, one on one therapy) , you can indeed learn to trust and love again once he gets his self love back.

You know who I am and where I have been and gone. Don't give up on him, but make him prove his willingness to be the man you love.

I do indeed love you Marcia !!

 

[nevinm]

i understand macia. it really sucks. i was a child of alcohol abuse so i know. i got to watch my mom be abused by my father

 

[fallen_angel]

I totally understand what you are going through and think if Glenn shows intent to change on his own( AA, anger management, one on one therapy) , you can indeed learn to trust and love again once he gets his self love back.

Don't give up on him, but make him prove his willingness to be the man you love.

I totally agree and just want to stress it more.. you can both get through something like this, as long as he is truly willing to do so.

 

[Golden Gate Geckos]

Thank you all. I try not to be a crybaby, but sometimes I just need to let this out, and I have said some hurtful things to the people I care about. I'm so sorry if I hurt anyone.

 

[fallen_angel]

You are by NO MEANS a crybaby Marcia. It's good to let things out, holding stuff in isn't healthy for the soul, as I'm sure you know.

 

[paulnj]

Marcia, today is a new day :main_yes:

 

[Riyo]

I'm so sorry you are going through that, I wish I could say something more meaningful than that but it's hard to find words. Although we barely know each other I want you to know that I do support you! I have so much respect for you and you have done so much!

I know it can be hard but the bad times aren't forever.:heart:

 

[fallen_angel]

I know it can be hard but the bad times aren't forever.:heart:

Thank goodness for that

 

[LizMarie]

Marcia my heart goes out to you ...

I don't know you personally but have read your post and have heard you on LNL's and I feel as if your a good friend of mine. Your a beautiful person inside and out with a heart of gold. The compassion you have for geckos is unbelievable and the knowledge and experience you share with us everyday is an absolute gold-mine for everyone. I'm sorry this had to happen to you.

But I have to ask what made you stay with him all these years, so I know I'm not completely nuts for still wanting to be with my bf!? We've only been together 3years and don't live together but things have begun to get ugly, really ugly and I just don't know what to do. I want to run and never look back but then again I feel like there's this STRONG force that's pulling me back to him and endure what he dishes out but I don't know why and it bothers me.. do you know because I don't think I can you the "I Love Him" excuse anymore.

 

[Jenn]

what a strong person it takes to come here and share that with this many people. I wish you nothing but the best and I hope you can continue to do what is best for YOU no matter what that may be.

 

[paulnj]

GF is FAMILY

 

[Golden Gate Geckos]

I have to ask what made you stay with him all these years

First of all, he was not an alcoholic when I married him. I know the person he really is, but his drinking has changed him into an angry, bitter, unhappy person. Last week was the first time he was ever physically violent with me, and it will be the last.

I always hoped that things would get better for him/us. Glenn is a banker, and has worked for the same bank for 33 years. When all this economic mess started, the bank lost so much money that Glenn's retirement was taken away. He is almost 58 years old, has spent 33 years working for the same bank, and now has NO retirement! He's had to let 1/3 of his staff in 5 states go, but the workload is the same, if not more. Glenn stated drinking excessively when I became disabled alomst 9 years ago. He started becoming verbally abusive 3-4 years ago.

One of the other reasons I have stayed with him is because I am disabled, and now only make Social Security Disability. Where in the world can I go with 2 dogs and 200 geckos and live? I do not have family... they are all dead and gone. I know it's a lame excuse, but somehow my own self-esteem has eroded over time. I feel so trapped.

 

[KelliH]

Where in the world can I go with 2 dogs and 200 geckos and live? I do not have family... they are all dead and gone. I know it's a lame excuse, but somehow my own self-esteem has eroded over time. I feel so trapped.

You know there is always a place for you in White Trash Settlement. :cowboy: