L
LadyGecko
Guest
I got a call tonight from my sister-in-law about taking my mother to see her doctor on the 18th of this month which is a Friday
I told her that "we" meaning my life partner/bf of 20 plus years would be OK with this because there is no other option
WE -because I do not currently drive nor have I ever driven a car
Now let me explain my circumstances
This is the first time that i have talked to my sis-in-law for at least 2 years
My brother only just recently started getting in contact with me when Mom began having more serious memory/dementia problems that have increased over the past year
Mom moved up north into a retirement community when she first started having memory problems about 2 years ago rather than here near to me-down south (In IL) because she wanted to be close to her grandchildren-who are now 15 and 21
I don't think that she realized how very little time that most kids have for their grandparent at those ages
I begged mom to move down here into the small town that I live in
It would have been perfect for her and for me
She loves to walk and although I am worried about the possibility of her getting lost now-it would have been perfect for her even 2 years ago
Small town here -but enough shops and stores close enough to walk to or to take the senior mini-bus to and I could have had fun doing lots of things with her that we can't do living so far apart and with me not driving
Mom insisted that she move up north to be close to my brother and her grandchildren-mostly for her grandchildren
The retirement community is very expensive that she lives in -but thank God-she has the money from the sale of her Condo and some other savings so that she should be OK financially for the rest of her life
Mom is 84 1/2
My bf works every Tuesday night to Friday night driving a taxi from 6 pm to 6 am or later each evening
His health has not been that great in the past few months but he continues to go to work every week with the exception of the week that he was in the hospital about 2 months ago
Therefore-he would have to take that Friday off from work to take my mother to the doctor and drive the 90 miles back home to come and pick me up to go with my mother
We would then drive the 130 miles up to Naperville and take her to the doctor and visit with her and then drive another 130 miles back home
That is a lot of driving for my bf after driving for three days previously for 12 plus hours per day and his BP has been high lately despite his taking the medication for it every day
He is also having really bad headaches going along with the increase in his BP
He needs to go back to the doctors this week-and he will be going-most likely on Monday-his only day off when the doctors office will be open
The last time that I talked with my brother he had mentioned that his wife was going back to work for the summer at the garden center that she has worked the summer at for the past 5 or so years
He asked me if we could take mom to a doctor appointment if neither he nor his wife or my niece could get off of work to do so
BUT he said that he would take the time off of work to take her himself to her next doctors appointment
I said yes-all that I asked was that the appointment be made on a Monday afternoon so that my bf would not have to miss work
My brother agreed to this but the net thing that i know-I get this phone call last night
Now let me explain further about that phone call
My Niece called me on my cell phone-no one has that number except for maybe 2 people-I want it that way
I gave it to my brother recently in case of an emergency to use if he cold not reach me on the land line
I can't remember if I requested that he not share it with his family but obviously he did
Anyway-she called me saying that Mom had been trying to get in touch with my by phone and she could not get through to me
Mom was very worried that she would not be able to make this doctors appointment -obviously because my sis-in-law told her that no one there would be able to take her
The appointment is not for anything physically serious but she needs to have a ongoing problem taken care of and has several doctor appointments scheduled for this problem
Mom as I will also mention later has a problem with using the phone lately and I believe that she frequently just mis-dials my number or gets confused with voice mail-ESPECIALLY WHEN SHE IS UPSET
Mom was VERY upset about possibly not being able to get to her doctors appointment and then not being able to get in touch with me and I blame my sister-in-law for even mentioning this to her and upsetting her when it could have been handled in a different manner
This may sound strange to many of you but my sister-in-law had written me out of her family for a period of almost 10 years ) over a very stupid trivial incident that had to do with me being unable(due to not driving) to do something for her 10 years ago and only recently has wanted to make amends with me and I'm sorry-I want nothing to do with her
She is bossy and confrontational and I don't need her in my life to aggravate my already frayed nerves
She has done the same thing with my mother for a period of two years (didn't speak to her)- a while back-and my mother did not see her grandchildren for that entire time
That really tore my mother up and and she would call me crying about it
I can not forgive my sister -in -law for doing that to my mother
I'm sorry but that was just plain wrong
The more that I think about the condition that my mother is in-the more that i would like to have her move down here close to me so that I can see her every day for the rest of her life and care for her in whatever way that I can
Chances are-where ever she moved here (a retirement home or a assisted living community-we have them here too) would be within walking or at least bike riding distance for me to see her every day and help her with whatever she may need
I do not believe that my brother or my sister-in-law or going to be willing or able to have the time to respond to her needs if her mental condition continues to deteriorate as rapidly as it has been in the last year
Obviously i can not be running back and forth up there as need be-I don't drive and I am on a large dosage of opioid medication for chronic pain and medication for my anxiety -so I sure would not want to learn to drive at 54 years old
I am pretty much flabbergasted-for want of a better word at this whole situation and ii am planing on meeting with my brother to talk about what is going on with my Mom soon and I want to have Mom move down here before this coming winter
I am very familiar with severe/progressed dementia-my paternal grandmother had it at a relatively young age (early 60's)and she was completely in her "own world" in diapers and spoon fed as a child for around the last 10 years of her life
I have very vivid memories as a young child of a little gray haired old lady sitting in a chair and holding a doll(her baby)at my aunts and uncles home (my Aunt-her daughter in law was a saint and they kept her at home and cared for her until she died)and my grandmother did not know anyone and spoke only Italian
I remember how difficult that was for my father every summer vacation (he used his 2 week vacation) that we made the trip up to Canada to see her and the rest of his family
It kills me to picture my mother this way but it sure seems as if she may be headed there with the way that she has been forgetful-having problems with using the phone and the TV-thinking that she is working again and many many other things that are going on with her mentally
Mom has been blessed with extremely good physical health all of her life and this is a very difficult thing for me to deal with as it is for anyone
As I have mentioned here previously-my health is not that great and my nerves are very strained-mostly with worry about my mother
I do call her every single day-mostly once in the am and then before she goes to bed at night and communication with her on the phone with her keeping on any one subject is becoming increasing more difficult and frustrating for me
I love my mother with all of my heart and we have become very close in the past 10 years since my father passed away
I know that i really needed to vent and that there are pieces of the puzzle and details that i have omitted-or this would have been 20 pages long- but i am just amazed that my brother and sister in law are just assuming that my bf take the responsibility for my mother with helping with getting her places since I do not drive
Am I completely nuts in thinking this way??
As always and feedback or questions needed to clarify anything would be most welcome
I sure hope that this makes some sort of sense as i have been having increased pain and distress issues lately with many other things in my life as well and I have not slept much in around 5 days
Thanks for reading this mini-novel and good night or good morning-which ever the case may be for you all
Sandy
I told her that "we" meaning my life partner/bf of 20 plus years would be OK with this because there is no other option
WE -because I do not currently drive nor have I ever driven a car
Now let me explain my circumstances
This is the first time that i have talked to my sis-in-law for at least 2 years
My brother only just recently started getting in contact with me when Mom began having more serious memory/dementia problems that have increased over the past year
Mom moved up north into a retirement community when she first started having memory problems about 2 years ago rather than here near to me-down south (In IL) because she wanted to be close to her grandchildren-who are now 15 and 21
I don't think that she realized how very little time that most kids have for their grandparent at those ages
I begged mom to move down here into the small town that I live in
It would have been perfect for her and for me
She loves to walk and although I am worried about the possibility of her getting lost now-it would have been perfect for her even 2 years ago
Small town here -but enough shops and stores close enough to walk to or to take the senior mini-bus to and I could have had fun doing lots of things with her that we can't do living so far apart and with me not driving
Mom insisted that she move up north to be close to my brother and her grandchildren-mostly for her grandchildren
The retirement community is very expensive that she lives in -but thank God-she has the money from the sale of her Condo and some other savings so that she should be OK financially for the rest of her life
Mom is 84 1/2
My bf works every Tuesday night to Friday night driving a taxi from 6 pm to 6 am or later each evening
His health has not been that great in the past few months but he continues to go to work every week with the exception of the week that he was in the hospital about 2 months ago
Therefore-he would have to take that Friday off from work to take my mother to the doctor and drive the 90 miles back home to come and pick me up to go with my mother
We would then drive the 130 miles up to Naperville and take her to the doctor and visit with her and then drive another 130 miles back home
That is a lot of driving for my bf after driving for three days previously for 12 plus hours per day and his BP has been high lately despite his taking the medication for it every day
He is also having really bad headaches going along with the increase in his BP
He needs to go back to the doctors this week-and he will be going-most likely on Monday-his only day off when the doctors office will be open
The last time that I talked with my brother he had mentioned that his wife was going back to work for the summer at the garden center that she has worked the summer at for the past 5 or so years
He asked me if we could take mom to a doctor appointment if neither he nor his wife or my niece could get off of work to do so
BUT he said that he would take the time off of work to take her himself to her next doctors appointment
I said yes-all that I asked was that the appointment be made on a Monday afternoon so that my bf would not have to miss work
My brother agreed to this but the net thing that i know-I get this phone call last night
Now let me explain further about that phone call
My Niece called me on my cell phone-no one has that number except for maybe 2 people-I want it that way
I gave it to my brother recently in case of an emergency to use if he cold not reach me on the land line
I can't remember if I requested that he not share it with his family but obviously he did
Anyway-she called me saying that Mom had been trying to get in touch with my by phone and she could not get through to me
Mom was very worried that she would not be able to make this doctors appointment -obviously because my sis-in-law told her that no one there would be able to take her
The appointment is not for anything physically serious but she needs to have a ongoing problem taken care of and has several doctor appointments scheduled for this problem
Mom as I will also mention later has a problem with using the phone lately and I believe that she frequently just mis-dials my number or gets confused with voice mail-ESPECIALLY WHEN SHE IS UPSET
Mom was VERY upset about possibly not being able to get to her doctors appointment and then not being able to get in touch with me and I blame my sister-in-law for even mentioning this to her and upsetting her when it could have been handled in a different manner
This may sound strange to many of you but my sister-in-law had written me out of her family for a period of almost 10 years ) over a very stupid trivial incident that had to do with me being unable(due to not driving) to do something for her 10 years ago and only recently has wanted to make amends with me and I'm sorry-I want nothing to do with her
She is bossy and confrontational and I don't need her in my life to aggravate my already frayed nerves
She has done the same thing with my mother for a period of two years (didn't speak to her)- a while back-and my mother did not see her grandchildren for that entire time
That really tore my mother up and and she would call me crying about it
I can not forgive my sister -in -law for doing that to my mother
I'm sorry but that was just plain wrong
The more that I think about the condition that my mother is in-the more that i would like to have her move down here close to me so that I can see her every day for the rest of her life and care for her in whatever way that I can
Chances are-where ever she moved here (a retirement home or a assisted living community-we have them here too) would be within walking or at least bike riding distance for me to see her every day and help her with whatever she may need
I do not believe that my brother or my sister-in-law or going to be willing or able to have the time to respond to her needs if her mental condition continues to deteriorate as rapidly as it has been in the last year
Obviously i can not be running back and forth up there as need be-I don't drive and I am on a large dosage of opioid medication for chronic pain and medication for my anxiety -so I sure would not want to learn to drive at 54 years old
I am pretty much flabbergasted-for want of a better word at this whole situation and ii am planing on meeting with my brother to talk about what is going on with my Mom soon and I want to have Mom move down here before this coming winter
I am very familiar with severe/progressed dementia-my paternal grandmother had it at a relatively young age (early 60's)and she was completely in her "own world" in diapers and spoon fed as a child for around the last 10 years of her life
I have very vivid memories as a young child of a little gray haired old lady sitting in a chair and holding a doll(her baby)at my aunts and uncles home (my Aunt-her daughter in law was a saint and they kept her at home and cared for her until she died)and my grandmother did not know anyone and spoke only Italian
I remember how difficult that was for my father every summer vacation (he used his 2 week vacation) that we made the trip up to Canada to see her and the rest of his family
It kills me to picture my mother this way but it sure seems as if she may be headed there with the way that she has been forgetful-having problems with using the phone and the TV-thinking that she is working again and many many other things that are going on with her mentally
Mom has been blessed with extremely good physical health all of her life and this is a very difficult thing for me to deal with as it is for anyone
As I have mentioned here previously-my health is not that great and my nerves are very strained-mostly with worry about my mother
I do call her every single day-mostly once in the am and then before she goes to bed at night and communication with her on the phone with her keeping on any one subject is becoming increasing more difficult and frustrating for me
I love my mother with all of my heart and we have become very close in the past 10 years since my father passed away
I know that i really needed to vent and that there are pieces of the puzzle and details that i have omitted-or this would have been 20 pages long- but i am just amazed that my brother and sister in law are just assuming that my bf take the responsibility for my mother with helping with getting her places since I do not drive
Am I completely nuts in thinking this way??
As always and feedback or questions needed to clarify anything would be most welcome
I sure hope that this makes some sort of sense as i have been having increased pain and distress issues lately with many other things in my life as well and I have not slept much in around 5 days
Thanks for reading this mini-novel and good night or good morning-which ever the case may be for you all
Sandy
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--can be so frustrating sometimes.
