Am I a good parent?

[eric]

Sorry if this gets too personal, but I am a little worried! For those of you who don't know me, My wife, Erin and I, home school our five children. Its not by choice or a religious thing, its a survival thing. We live in an area where teachers don't care! I have proof, but won't go into that! I wanted my children to be happy and be educated like Erin and I were in public schools. When we first moved back to Oregon from Kansas we enrolled them in school here. Than the nightmare started! I drove by the school one afternoon to see my son of seven years of age being beaten by an older kid. We teach our children to stand up for themselves, but to what point? That was almost five years ago and it still haunts me with a gut wrenching feeling! I don't want my children exposed to violence, and to be violent as a revenge tool. I know I did the right thing especially in the wake of the Virginia Tech situations. What bothers me the most is the killers of both attacks at VT were somebodies babies. Someone loved them, someone changed their diapers and sang them to sleep! As what I did and do! I am a stay at home Dad. It was hard for me at first knowing I am not the bread winner of the family and the pressure I must put on Erin. But over the years I have realized that sacrifices must be made to proved the best care and quality of life to our children. But there are times when I think am I a good parent? I wonder this a lot especially with homeschooling am I providing enough challenges that when they leave the will be ready for whats out there? It scares me! I love my children and I worry about them. I just need to be a good parent!

 

[Alliemac]

Goodness, I think you're doing the right thing by doing what you think is best for your kids. That's all you can do as a parent. I'm lucky enough to live in a great school district but if I didn't I would home school in a second. We're actually still debating it for our youngest as she's a challenging child and we don't know how she will do in a very structured environment.

Home schooling takes dedication that most people don't have it in them to give so right there you are a great parent in my eyes especially with 5 kids. If they are happy, growing, learning and love life then you're doing your job.

 

[rawson5084]

I agree with Alliemac. I think you are a good parent some people just don't care about what education their kids have (or getting) or what they do for that matter. So when you are thinking that you are a bad parent just remember that you care about your kids enough that you want them to have a good education and that they are safe! I think you are doing a great job at keeping your kids safe

 

[metaldad904]

I honestly think home schooling is one of those case-by-case situations. A lot depends on the child & if they can handle public school. It also has a lot to do w/the parent and their dedication to making the home schooling structured and such. From how you sound, you seem very dedicated & i would think it is a good thing for your children. I will give an example of how it's not, and this may sound mean but its the truth & maybe i am a little mean.

My little brother just turned 14, has been homeschooled his entire life & he is entirely incapable of normal social interation. His personality is that of a hummingbird on crack trapped in a shoebox, just buzzing about hitting the walls & never stopping.....ever. Now i don't see him very often b/c he lives in Michigan & i'm here in Georgia but from what i've seen this could be the most annoying child i have ever known in my life, coupled with the fact it seems impossible to have him sit down & be quiet anymore. He wasn't always like this but i think the complete lack of structure & outside socialization w/other children his age has made him this way. I put a lot of the blame on his mother (my stepmother) who is the biggest piece of trailer trash & quite possibly the dumbest person i have ever met in my life....seems harsh, but it's the truth. She's the type of person that if you told her the ground was made out of candycanes she would believe you and probly give it a lick. I've talked to my dad about this before (not the stepmother part, but the brother), trying to explain to him that he's turning his youngest son into a "social retard", etc, etc.....but i really don't think it sunk in at all. He's always using some excuse, which one of them i understand (Michigan has one of the worst educational system country) but he doesn't seem like he's even attempting to rectify the issue at hand. It reminds me of when i told him about how he's letting his dog turn into a monster & just sits there and laughs and makes stupid excuses. I guess it's denial but enough is enough. I know this sounds judgmental & harsh but sometimes the truth hurts and you need to be able to be objective about things sometimes, he's my little brother & i care and don't want him to grow up to be some sort of idiot.

To sum things up, do what you feel is best, you sound like a very good parent and the fact that you question these things speaks volumes for you. Do what you feel is right. Hope that made sense.

 

[malt_geckos]

wow, I don't have kids but as a young adult, I feel that you're doing a fine job. As long as you let your children feel comfortable talking to you about anything. That's one thing my Mom and Dad have alway made clear is that I can talk to them about anything. As long as you tell them everyday that you love them and you treat them with respect, I think you'll be fine.

Also, you say you don't want your children to be exposed to violence, but it will happen. I went to public schools which were crule and I was made fun of a LOT. But once I was mature enough, I realized (through my parents telling me) that when children pick at you it's usually bc their jelous in some way. And it's better to let them see the real world and not shelter them from everything.

And one more thing, those people that did the shootings...they were sick, crazy, and there were warning signs to these illnesses that someone in the family had to see. Obviously their parents didn't pay enough attention to their kids bc any good parent would see their child wasn't right and needed help. Kids usually withdrawl and then they explode in a rage. A good parent like you would see your kid was withdrawling and try and help.

Hope that helps some...I know I'm not a parent but I'm fresh out of the nest and I'm going off of my parents good skills.

Mallorie

 

[Alliemac]

His personality is that of a hummingbird on crack trapped in a shoebox, just buzzing about hitting the walls & never stopping.....ever.

OMG.....what a horrible thing for your brother but quite possibly the most creative description I've ever heard. I do agree that homeschooling is ONLY a choice you should make if you are mentally able to handle both the material and the stress of having their education on your hands. I also thinks it's uber important to make sure they are socialized properly, get to play with other kids regularly and get to participate in things that we take for granted in school like organize sport, art, music etc. Not to mention being able to stay sane. :main_laugh:

To sum things up, do what you feel is best, you sound like a very good parent and the fact that you question these things speaks volumes for you. Do what you feel is right. Hope that made sense.

ITA. A neglectful parent wouldn't even consider questioning themselves because it's too much work. IMO a good parent constantly wants to be the absolute best they can be so their children benefit from that.

 

[Sunrise Reptile]

Eric - First of all, I think you're making it too easy on the education system by placing the responsibility upon yourself. My boy was subjected to bullying only once, and that has been the only incident to date. It happened on a school bus, and the next morning I met the bus (with my son) at the corner. I told the bus driver that I send my children to school to be educated, and not bullied and intimmidated. I haven't had another problem since, and my children are all honor roll students. So the system CAN work.

But to your credit, so long as you keep asking yourself the question "Am I a good parent?", I don't think there can really be any doubt that you are.

I think that, in the end, you can't possibly prepare them for EVERYTHING. You just need to be there for them when they come to you, regardless of the situation.

 

[BettaDragon]

I think that if you're kids are home schooled because of the teachers not caring (a rampant problem here I've had to put up with) then they should indeed be home schooled. My parents thought of pulling me out many times in high school for the same problem but I wouldn't let them because I wanted to stay with my friends. I'm actually headed to be home schooled soon due to a disability but it will be done by a teacher from my school. Personally I think home school is a great idea as long as the kids are socialized well.

My grandma's neighbors have completely isolated their children by putting up high fences and never letting them off their property (not kidding, they don't even go to the store with their parents). They are of course home schooled. Their mother has forced them to live in this "little house on the prairie" fantasy land. They have chickens, a mini covered wagon, outfits, and everything. She also forbid her children to talk to anyone. I'm really going to hate to see what these kids will turn into when they're thrown into the real world. Now this is a case of extreme home schooling that has gone too far.

If you don't want your kids exposed to violence it's a good idea to teach them about it and tell them how wrong it is. Education is the best tool against anything. A good idea might be some self defense classes. I learned my self defense naturally from living in a rough environment but trust me that's not a good way to learn it.

In short, as long as your prepare your kids for the world so they don't get a culture shock when they leave the nest, you're doing a fantastic job and kudos to you for taking your kids out of a bad learning environment.

 

[metaldad904]

OMG.....what a horrible thing for your brother but quite possibly the most creative description I've ever heard. I do agree that homeschooling is ONLY a choice you should make if you are mentally able to handle both the material and the stress of having their education on your hands. I also thinks it's uber important to make sure they are socialized properly, get to play with other kids regularly and get to participate in things that we take for granted in school like organize sport, art, music etc. Not to mention being able to stay sane. :main_laugh:

Hehehe, thanks....i tend to do that a lot. I'm all about imagery, even to the point of being disgusting sometimes lol. Yeah, i feel bad for the poor kid...he needs help but i know the reality is nothing will be done about it most likely. I don't wanna come off like i'm some sort of perfect parent, i know i've made mistakes with my daughter but sometimes you gotta know when you have an issue. Not like my dad & stepmother are the only ones either.....my mom is 10 times worse than those 2 put together (it's obvious i'm a big fan of my parents, huh?)....that woman is just plain insane. People are always asking me why i am the way i am.....and then they meet my mother lol.

 

[Mel&Keith]

I have cousins on both sides of my family that were home schooled in two very different ways so I can see both sides of the homeschooling "argument".

One set of cousins were pulled out of school because they were raised in a cult and their parents didn't want them to be tempted by the secular world. They were only taught at home and didn't have much interaction with the outside world other than their church group. They have not become well adjusted, successful adults by most people's standards.

The other set of cousins were home schooled due to the terrible education system where they lived. They joined a home schooling group where different parents taught different subjects and the kids took classes in groups with other students. They took class trips, etc. One of my cousins graduated with honors 2 years early and was accepted by a state university for their nuclear engineering program. Her brother is autistic (another reason why they chose homeschooling) and they've managed to keep him learning at the same rate as the other students his age.

Home schooling means different things to different people. You care enough about your children to stay home to try and give them a better education and that's great. If you're worried about them missing out on the social aspects of public school, think about signing them up for the city softball league or bowling team. If their not into sports, sign them up for dance, art, or music classes. Many community colleges have continuing educations classes that young people are allowed in or summer programs for younger students.

 

[thestack510]

I don't have kids, but I think just the fact that you voice your concerns speaks a lot to your parenting. It's human nature to want the best for your children (at least among good parents). I grew up in public schools and I know that each kid deals with things in their own way. I have a disability and as a result have been exposed to people from all over the spectrum, from mentally challenged to those who might try to kill you for a few dollars, did I mention I always lived in close proximity to street gangs? I know exactly what you are shielding your kids from, but the truth is you also don't want them to be over protected "boy in a bubble" type kids either. I am "the acception to the rule" in my area. I went to college and have two degrees while many of my friends ended up dead or in jail, and that is no exaggeration. I applaud your efforts, just be sure that they don't become social pariah as a result. Often those are the kids who crack and go on shooting sprees. You can't shield them from everything.

 

[thestack510]

...not saying that you are, only that it can't be done. You can however teach them how to deal with whatever situations they are presented with in the best possible way. I like the idea of home schooling for the fact that you can foster their interests. Kids do noticeably better when you peak their interests and curiousities. Play to their strengths and teach them to strengthen their weaknesses. From what I've read of you, Eric, you seem intelligent and well rounded. I'd venture to say that they are in good hands.

 

[moosassah]

Straight out, if you are asking "am I a good parent" then the answer is a handsdown YES! You'll never get parenting perfect and hopefully you'll pass that knowledge onto your children too. It is OK to make mistakes so long as we learn from them.

Best of luck filling their minds with the tools they'll need to make the right choices in life.

 

[Golden Gate Geckos]

Eric, the fact that you are even questioning your parenting ability means that you are a good parent! I feel at a better advantage to give my opinion here because I know you and your family personally, and am privvy to more information that you cannot share here on GeckoForums.net. I know that you live in a very rural area in Oregon, and the schools are primarily Native American students and teachers, and many are extremely racist against European Amercians. By home schooling your children, you are keeping them safe under these conditions.

In today's economy, it is almost impossible for a family to survive financially without two incomes... especially with 5 children and the costs of child care. The fact that you and Erin are making the sacrifices to give up one income in order for one of you to be able to stay home to raise your children, and even home school them, is exceptional parenting, IMHO.

I know many people question the level of education home-schooled children are getting... and question those children's ability to interact 'normally' with other children in a social environment. I know a LOT of Californians who are home schooling their children because the level of public education in our State is deplorable, and few can afford private or charter schools for their kids.

I agree with the previous comments that you are the only one who can determine whether or not your children can adapt to the world beyond their own home and family. How they relate and behave in public or social situations is a measure of your own parenting skills. If you and Erin are happy with this, and your children are happy and well-adjusted, then there is no question that you are a good parent!

 

[ariana]

you're a great father eric.
i honestly wish i had parents like you and your wife.
dont worry
you are an amazing person and father

 

[LeapinLizards]

Eric, you and I have talked about this a few times on the phone...you know where I stand, you are a GREAT FATHER and Erin is a GREAT MOTHER. Like Marcia said, the fact that you are questioning it alone is proof. Like Marcia, I know more about your home life than most here on GF...

I personally question the school system these days as well...even with my sister being a school teacher. Danny and I (even though we have no children YET) have talked many times about home schooling. The only thing we don't like about it is that the children don't get the interaction with other children as much as they would if going to public school. I completely agree though...no interaction is much better than NEGATIVE interaction. I have a cousin that was scarred because of constantly being harassed and beaten up all through middle school and into high school. He was pulled out of school and finished it at home.

I think this is an even BETTER reason for you guys to move up north a little (not to mention closer to us lol)...I'm thinking Pleasant Hill sounds like a GREAT place I had friends in the school system there, and I know it's not terrible by any means. Lol just my two cents!!!!

 

[dprince]

Like it has been mentioned many other times, if you are taking the time and effort to self reflect on whether or not you are a good parent, I'm going to wager a lot that you are. Parenting isn't something that comes with a manual; we all have to figure it out as we go along. The people who are truly thoughtful and purposeful in what they do (instead of just going along for the ride) are the ones who are more successful in ANYTHING - parenting certainly included.

As for the homeschooling situation, Mel has it exactly right. Kids who are homeschooled appropriately can fare just as well if not better than kids who attend public or private schools. It really depends on the parent, their level of dedication, and the program that the kids are in. There are fortunately more and more GOOD homeschooling programs like the one Mel talks about available to famililes these days.

No worries, Eric. You and your wife are doing JUST FINE. Keep up the great work.

 

[eric]

A big thanks to you all! You guys really made my day! Thank you all again.

 

[Pepper]

I wish I could be home schooled but my mom refused..

I hate public school, I've never been made fun of but I get to see fights, racial remarks, sexual harassment, and people picked on everyday, a lot of those people my friends.

It's just hard for a lot of kids, sometimes people find one thing wrong with them and torment them their entire school year, or years.

It's also getting harder ton concentrate in class because the teachers are becoming more laid back and just let the kids talk as loud as they want too, and for people who actually want to focus it's near impossible.

Most schools here are banning basically everything, hats, backpacks, phones, music, etc..And no one even knows why, there aren't even any gangs in Fairbanks.

 

[paintedlizards]

one thing i would add- and you may already do this- is that i spent a year homeschooled while i showed on the horseshow circut as a kid- my parents made sure to make 'life lessons' out of school stuff too we'd go out and do alot of hands on learning ...