Hey Paul

[Grinning Geckos]

Do you feel like an outsider, even though you're clearly an insider? LOL ... I just wanted to know if I was the only one. You know, one freak to another.

 

[PaulSage]

Yeah. I still feel like everyone else has this cozy little group and just lets me play along even though I know that's not really the case. It's kind of the same as how I feel like I'm one of the most grotesque and hideous human beings to ever walk the face of the Earth, even though I know that's not true. I have a distorted sense of reality and low self worth... but I'm hoping to get over that soon.

 

[Grinning Geckos]

For what it's worth, I don't think you're hideous or grotesque! The boobs kinda throw me off, but at the same time they're oddly attractive.

 

[Golden Gate Geckos]

Shanti and Paul, I'm sorry if you feel like outsiders... if that's how you really feel. I think you BOTH are incredibly wonderful and special people, and not only bring sooo much to the leopard gecko community, but to all of us here. I deeply value both of you!

Shanti, you are an absolute delight! Your beauty as a woman, a mother, and friend has enriched my life. Your artistic talent and crisp sense of humor never ceases to amaze me! You are an incredible person.

Paul, I was privileged to be able to spend one of the most meaningful and memorable weeks with you when you came to visit. You are among the most sensitive, gentle, and considerate spirits I have been able to come to know. Your inner strength, combined with your wit and intelligence, is a breath of fresh air in a very stale world.

When you feel like you are on the outside, all you have to do is knock... I will always be there to let you inside my heart and in my life.

 

[Grinning Geckos]

Thanks Marcia!

I think it's hard to understand without being us. Actually, I don't even understand it. It like me (not) calling people...I don't do it because I always feel I'd be imposing on someone, but intellectually I know that people would probably be happy to hear from me and if it was a bad time they would say so and it wouldn't be a big deal...but at the same time I'm convinced they wouldn't say something because they're being nice but they really want me to go away. What can I say? It's fucked up.

It's the same thing when I'm at someone's house. I'm constantly thinking I've overstayed my welcome. I'm not sure when or how I got to this point, but I'm sure there are several things that happened growing up that didn't help any.

I knew if anyone knew what I was feeling, it would be Paul. Normally I don't think of it too much (or try not to), but tonight it decided to bite me in the ass. I think this thing with Justyn started it. I was wondering if people feel that way about letting him into our little circle, how was it I got in here? Let the self-doubt begin. I'm in a privileged position, but darned if I know why. LOL

If you want to know what the really stupid part of it is ... I'm not this way at work. At work I'm full of self-confidence and I have no problem dealing with people. It's socially where I'm all fucked. I can't tell you the last time I went to someone's house for a visit. Actually, I think the visit to Jeremy's house was the last time I've gone anywhere to visit a friend - and that was a looooong time ago, and I was waiting for him to kick us out. If I'm not at work, or out somewhere with Eric, I'm at home 99.999% of the time. I'd be some crazy hermit cat/gecko lady without Eric because I'd never see ANYONE.

 

[Golden Gate Geckos]

I think this thing with Justyn started it.

I truly hope my lack of tact and sensitivity in blurting out my feelings of the moment didn't create additional feelings of doubt for you, Shanti. I really do understand what you are saying much more than you think I might...

 

[Golden Gate Geckos]

It's kind of the same as how I feel like I'm one of the most grotesque and hideous human beings to ever walk the face of the Earth, even though I know that's not true. I have a distorted sense of reality and low self worth... but I'm hoping to get over that soon.

Paul, I wish you could see yourself through my eyes...

 

[PaulSage]

Shanti and Paul, I'm sorry if you feel like outsiders... if that's how you really feel. I think you BOTH are incredibly wonderful and special people, and not only bring sooo much to the leopard gecko community, but to all of us here. I deeply value both of you!

Shanti, you are an absolute delight! Your beauty as a woman, a mother, and friend has enriched my life. Your artistic talent and crisp sense of humor never ceases to amaze me! You are an incredible person.

Paul, I was privileged to be able to spend one of the most meaningful and memorable weeks with you when you came to visit. You are among the most sensitive, gentle, and considerate spirits I have been able to come to know. Your inner strength, combined with your wit and intelligence, is a breath of fresh air in a very stale world.

When you feel like you are on the outside, all you have to do is knock... I will always be there to let you inside my heart and in my life.

Thank you, Marcia. I wasn't saying what I said because I needed the validation or anything, I'm just tired and not holding back. It's been one of those weeks. heh Like I told you before, visiting you was one of the best experiences EVER. You and Kelli & Steve are some of those few people whom I just can't get enough of. Just being in your presence is a rush. :main_thumbsup:

It's the same thing when I'm at someone's house. I'm constantly thinking I've overstayed my welcome.

Holy shit that is SO "me too". I think it creeps people out because I get all fidgety and shit. It's like "I gotta hurry up and leave before you start hating me" :main_laugh:

If you want to know what the really stupid part of it is ... I'm not this way at work. At work I'm full of self-confidence and I have no problem dealing with people. It's socially where I'm all fucked.

Ditto. That's pretty much the only reason I miss my management job I had at the pet store for three years. I was in charge of roughly 30 people at the age of 20 and I kicked that job's ass. I had everyone's complete respect (even the 30-40 year-old employees) and was full of self-confidence.

I can't tell you the last time I went to someone's house for a visit. Actually, I think the visit to Jeremy's house was the last time I've gone anywhere to visit a friend - and that was a looooong time ago, and I was waiting for him to kick us out.

Shanti, you definitely have to come up for a visit. :main_yes:

I'm not sure when or how I got to this point, but I'm sure there are several things that happened growing up that didn't help any.

Now I KNOW that shit I went through growing up is a major factor in WHY I'm like this. As a kid I was unusually sensitive, intuitive and intelligent. It set me up to become damaged goods though. My 5th grade teacher, in front of the whole class, flat out told me that she hated my face and couldn't stand to see it. Bitch. That's nothing though compared to what my grandmother did to me. There's a special place in Hell for her. I used to wish I would go to Hell when I die just so I could finally kick her ass once and for good.

Whoa I better stop.

 

[KelliH]

I thought I was the outsider??

 

[robin]

Do you feel like an outsider, even though you're clearly an insider? LOL ... I just wanted to know if I was the only one. You know, one freak to another.

i thought i was the freak

and for whats its worth shanti i am at home 99.99 percent of the time a gecko and cat lady (admitted hermit) all the way baby!!!!

shanti, i don't like leaving the house. even to go to peoples houses. even my own fathers. i guess its a safety thing. who knows. i get nervous and worked up and kinda paranoid. to be honest i feel like the real outsider here. i know i should but i do

 

[Jeremy Letkey]

All right... everyone gets a smack to the back of the head!!

You all are some of the coolest, nicest people I know. You all are welcome to stay at my house anytime, for as long as you want.

We're all a little whacked. Some more than others but that is what makes us who we are. Without the little quirks that we all have, the wonderful traits that many of us have might not show through.

Now get over it and call me and/or come on over for dinner.

 

[nwheat]

I think most of us feel that way to some extent. I'm very shy about calling people - but I LOVE to talk to my gecko friends!! :main_yes:

 

[PaulSage]

We're all a little whacked.

A little whacked? Dude, you know me better than that. lol

 

[PaulSage]

I think most of us feel that way to some extent. I'm very shy about calling people - but I LOVE to talk to my gecko friends!! :main_yes:

I hear ya, Nancy. Before I entered the "reptile community" and made such good friends, I NEVER talked on the phone. I still hesitate sometimes, but it's a lot easier to pick up the phone and dial now. And, I think I've started to get over the fear that I'm interrupting someone when I call, similar to what Shanti said about feeling like you're overstaying a welcome when at someone's house.

I used to dread having to make phone calls to companies and businesses and such too. I was a total wuss on the phone. Buying a home and dealing with an incompetent prick for a lender has been changing that though. It's way easier to be assertive and just go off on someone for their ineptitude. lol

 

[Mel&Keith]

I have a really hard time talking to people on the phone too. It's not so bad if the person on the other end has called me, but theres just something about dialing that freaks me out.
Maybe that's why we all get a long so well. Everyone in here seems to have quite a lot in common. I think it's kind of funny that we all think we're the "unpopular" one in the group. Well, maybe not Jeremy, lol.

 

[Golden Gate Geckos]

Now get over it and call me and/or come on over for dinner.

What's for dinner?

 

[Jeremy Letkey]

Paul, I'm a little whacked. You... you're a case study for a medical journal.


Marcia, tonight is beef tenderloin.

 

[Golden Gate Geckos]

Mmmmmm.... put a plate on the table for me!

 

[Grinning Geckos]

I truly hope my lack of tact and sensitivity in blurting out my feelings of the moment didn't create additional feelings of doubt for you, Shanti. I really do understand what you are saying much more than you think I might...

Nah, what you said has nothing to do with it. More the idea of someone wanting to join our group and having people say "No" or put qualifiers on their "Yes". Got me freaking out a bit, but I feel better today after reading such nice things.

I would take your honesty 1000 times over about how you feel about Justyn, then hear a false "yes".

You mean old gecko lady ... you mean you don't like EVERYONE? I mean, ministers aren't human you know. :main_laugh:

Oh crap, who let Lucille in?

 

[Grinning Geckos]

What the heck ... I try calling you Marcia, and you don't answer.

See what I get for trying to break outta the box. :main_rolleyes: