so many losses...

[Golden Gate Geckos]

You would think that with over 13 years of keeping Leopard Geckos I would be a little more calloused when I lose one... but I'm not. My heart wrenches for every one of these beautiful creatures when they die, and especially when I have to put one down. This season has been overwhelming with loss, and it it weighing heavy on my heart.

I have had to euthanize about 15 little ones for severe deformities this season. I have lost 5 of my beloved breeders this year. They had names. They had their own distinct personality and demeanor. They were loved and held a precious place in my life.

I had to put down one of my lovely Enigma girls yesterday, and a 2-month old baby that would not thrive and only weighed 5 grams. My pretty Enigma girl was tripled up with follicles, and would not breed. The follicles were only partially re-absorbed, and became septic. She had such a bad infection, and did not respond to antibiotics... and she would not have survived surgery to spay her.

I am devastated and tired of loss. When I feel this way, it's hard to feel the joy of each little one that hatches healthy and perfect. I am so sad and heartsick.

I love my geckos so much, and suffer tremendously when they die. I agonize over the decision to put them down, and give them every chance to thrive and survive.

I just want all of you to know that there is a very dark side of breeding living creatures. God gave us dominion over these living things, and I don't take this lightly. Sometimes I worry about 'playing God' when I have to make the decision to end their lives. When I do, it is out of love and compassion for their suffering. And from this, I suffer.

 

[preacherman]

I'm really very sorry for your heartache, Marcia. If there were a way to send you a hug through the internet, I'd be sending one now.

 

[Chiefmcfuz]

So sorry for your loss

 

[hybrid]

Very sorry to hear all of that. Chin up! It something that has to be done in order for them not to suffer.

 

[dprince]

Marcia, you know my heart goes out to you. *biggest hugs*

 

[MSMD]

(((HUGS))) Marcia, I am heartsick for you. I am so sorry to hear about your recent losses. Your little ones are fortunate to have such a loving and caring gecko Mom.

 

[PacHerp]

Marcia, I grieve with you for your losses this season. I love you dearly and it makes my heart ache to see you hurting. I know how much each of your geckos mean to you and the joy that they bring into your life. I'm so sorry about how your season has been, but I do have faith that things will get better for you... **HUGS**

We love you.

 

[Chiefmcfuz]

Can I take a second to flip this around on you and say that such a caring and responsible person like you has hatched and helped so many animals to live great happy lives. You should look yourself in the mirror every day and say "I did that!" because you did and that is very important!

So yes the losses hurt and I feel bad with you and for you but I look at your website and your pics here and say WOW look at the beautiful healthy happy animals she has in fact help bring into this world. For that I and many others are thankful. To not feel bad it to not have a heart! But to not feel good about your accomplishments is just plain crazy because your accomplishments are phenomenal. We grieve with you but we also celebrate you and all of the good things you do and have done too.

 

[Kristi23]

I am so sorry Marcia.

 

[Mel&Keith]

Marcia, I love you! We can only hope that when this season is behind us, the next will be better.

 

[nevinm]

im in COMPLEAT agreeance with mel. marcia, i think most of us breeders that have close to 100 breeders or more feel the same way as you. i also have all the respect in the world for you since you have so meny breeders. ussually when a breeder owns as meny adults as you do, or even more, the animals begin to look like products instead of living animals.

im with you in the feelings
nev

 

[Golden Gate Geckos]

Thank you everyone. My geckos are not, and never will be, simply inventory items. They are beautiful, gentle, living creatures. My heart grieves when they die. I don't dwell on it for days like I used to, but I do put my face in my hands and cry for their lost lives.

Thank you all for being such a supportive community.

 

[BalloonzForU]

I'm so sorry for your losses Marica.

 

[Franks_Geckos]

I am very sorry for your losses. Keep your chin up. It can't get any worse than it has been for you this season and you do all you can for them when they can't do for themselves, and hopefully things improve for you after this season.

 

[rubym]

Marcia, I am so sorry for your losses and for your pain. I wish that in life love could come without loss but that doesn't seem to be the way it was planned. Each of your animals was and is so lucky to have had you as an owner. You take the responcibility of breeding very seriously and I have so much respect for you for this. I hope that next season brings you more joy and less loss.