I don't want a wedding!

[goReptiles]

I'm not the girl that has imagined and planned her wedding since she was little. I'm not the girl who can imagine herself in a long, formal white dress in front of friends and family. I'm not the girl who can pick out flowers, wedding colors, dresses, a venue, etc. I'm just not that girl.

I can't do all the decisions.

I'm the girl who doesn't really believe in weddings, but I believe in marriage. I don't think that one should spend thousands on a wedding to essentially sign the same papers that one would sign at a court house or when eloping or whatever.

I'm not the girl who wants a ceremony because that one day is nothing in comparison to a lifetime with the person. I just don't like the idea.

Well, my boyfriend understands, and his mom said it was a good idea... Instead of a wedding, have his parents and mine just give us the money they were going to spend and we go do something simple and easy. Come back after the honey moon and then have a reception/party with friends and family.

My mom on the other hand hates the idea.

She says:
* You don't want your dad to walk you down the isle? (Thanks mom yea that makes me feel good.)
* do what you want to do bc we love you but remember we won't get to have another wedding, (thanks mom put that on my shoulders)

Why would she tell me to do what i want to do and then try to guilt me into having a wedding. If she makes me do it all heck will break loose. i'll stress out because of the decisions, and I'll get pissed off thinking about the money that's being wasted that I could use elsewhere.

I don't get it! I'm highly upset and frustrated about the whole thing. Why should I do what she wants when it's my day. she even said, it's my day and do what makes me happy, but....

We're not getting married right now anyway, but i feel like i have to make the decision now because when it comes time, i'll be stressed out even more.

She's basically saying "it's your day, and do what makes you happy, but until you choose to do what I want you to do, I'm going to guilt you into it."

That's just not right. If it's my day, why should I feel like I have to do the traditional thing just because they want me to.

It's not my fault they had a girl who isn't girly. I hate dresses. I hate ceremonies. The only reason I went to high school graduation was bc they wanted me to. I'm just not like my cousin who is going to spend a year and a half planning her wedding (and yes that's what she's doing right now). To me, that's stupid.

I just don't want a wedding!

 

[Kristi23]

I got married at the court house and had a small reception a couple months later. The only thing I regret is not flying somewhere to get married on a beach or something. I'm glad I didn't have a big wedding even though I'm an only child. To me, it wasn't the wedding, it was the marriage. We'll be married for 9 years on the 16th.

I say do what you want. It's your day and you need to be happy.

 

[ILoveGeckos14]

It doesn't have to be either/or at my cousins wedding recently she didn't do a bunch of tradtions, like throwing the garter belt/flowers thing, had different types of cool cupcakes instead of cake(mmmthe red velvet ones haha) ,and had the ceremony at pavillion in a state park. I guess I was just saying it could be fun coming up with your own non-tradtional wedding to fit your wants and needs,good luck with everything and congratulations!

 

[Tony C]

That's the great thing about parents, no matter how old you are they will never treat you like an adult. :main_rolleyes:

 

[Angel]

I had the big wedding 200 plus guests big white dress { that I hated but my mom and bridesmaid where not enjoying shopping so bought the 2nd dress i tried} spent a ton of money and in the end it wasnt what I wanted and I regreted it for a long time. {we are now divorced so dont really care anymore lol} but point is if you dont do what you and your fiance want you will regret it, So do it your way your parents will get over it besides they had THEIR day you deserve to have yours.

 

[sunshinegeckofarm]

i know what you mean i hear o you didnt have a ceremony thing from my mom all the time and go when are we going to have a big get together for it and stuff. its like some day soon maybe its not on my priority list to do at this point and time.

i got married at the courthouse and didnt have a honeymoon until a year later, no reception or anything like that. i would have liked a small wedding with close family and friends but i didnt want to ask for it to be paid for me and we didnt have the money to do it so i didnt bother with it.

I say do whatever makes you happy because ultimately its you getting married not her. Good luck hun and congrats if you guys have gotten engaged

 

[Mel&Keith]

Keith and I were in a similar situation when we got married. My dad is a minister and really wanted us to have a large church wedding with all of his family there. 1) Although my dad is very religious, we are not, 2) I don't even know most of my cousins and I don't speak to hardly any of my family. Why would we want them at our wedding? Out of spite, he set a $1000 budget for the entire wedding. We had joked about running off to Vegas anyway so it wasn't that big of a deal. My mom told us that we could use her contribution to the wedding for either the ceremony or our honeymoon. Easy decision, honeymoon!

We really did want our immediate friends and family there though so we got married by a minister but used non-religious vows at my mom's house. We had 12 people there total. White dress, flowers, cake, but no formal traditions like dances or throwing garters or bouquets, no bridesmaids or groomsmen. Then we took off to Europe for 2 weeks.

When it was all said and done, I'm really glad we did it that way. It meant a lot to our parents and my grandparents. It also meant a lot to us. We were able to accommodate those people who were close to us without compromising what we did and did not want. We even made everyone try sushi! lol

Just remember that your wedding can be whatever you want it to be. It doesn't have to be as simple as signing papers at the court house or as traditional as 200 guests at the church. Ne creative and make it your own!

By the way, we planned our wedding in 3 months so don't feel like you have to commit to anything too far in advance unless it's a venue that you really want.

 

[robin]

i had my wedding in my fathers backyard. small wedding, preacher, i wore a dress :main_rolleyes:, i wanted my father to walk me down "the isle". as soon as the wedding part was over. i kicked of the heels i was wearing :main_rolleyes: took the dress off and put on my flip flops, a baseball hat, t-shirt and a pair of blue jean shorts. everyone sat down ate mexican food, drank wine and beer (except me :main_rolleyes

i had the chance to have a church wedding or a big wedding and a big moneymoon but i didn't want it.

i like simple

for our honeymoon we drove to daytona for the National Reptile Breeders' Expo (aka the big daytona show) LOL. we took our dog, picked up a couple of friends on the way to florida and had a blast!

 

[paulnj]

I paid a grand total of $3200 to have 70 people at my neat and casual wedding.

I got married at my brothers house outside and her father walker her down the .. runner From there we fed everyone AND HAD LEFTOVERS....... italian mostly I think(was drunk..lol) and booze wasn't cheap

rented a tent and tables, had friends help cook , got a officiant, chose my "no god" vows, got a cake that was rated at 130 people from the shop rite (amazing $79 3 layer cake).

GOOD FRIENDS, GOOD FOOD, BOOZE AND FAMILY!

 

[Barbel]

I completely agree with you. I honestly don't see the point of spending thousands on one day. I can find so many other uses for that amount of money! My boyfriend and I don't really want to get married at all; we are happy just being together. We started living together about 5 months into our relationship and now, almost 4 years later, we have moved across two states together, bought a house and have a baby. The only difference between us and "real married" couples is a piece of paper.
Both of our parents would like us to get married. My mom has said not for "moral" reasons but for insurance and tax purposes. If we get married we get married, if we don't we don't. Also if we do, it will be a quick run to the courthouse and a call to our families afterward.

You can do what my parents did. They invited a few family members and close friends over for a BBQ (I think less than 30 people) and had a minister show up about an hour into the party. They got married in their living room both wearing jeans and sweaters then ate their $20 wedding cake. No one had any idea.

The main point is, just do what you want to do. As hard as it may be, you need to try and ignore you mom's guilt trips. She will get over it especially when she realizes how happy you are! Good luck!

 

[goReptiles]

Kristi that's pretty much what I want to do. I wouldn't mind just going to the mountains for a week. I don't have to go out of state. Unlike my cousin, I don't have to go to Jamaica to be happy. And, definitely- the most important thing is the marriage not the wedding ceremony.

Angel, see my point. A lot of money spent for nothing. That's my fear, why spend so much money because in all reality no one really knows if anything will every be permanent as much as we'd like it to be. I know I will be pissed watching everyone spend money that I know I could spend better elsewhere.

Danielle, no we're not engaged but we're talking about it.

Mel, I wouldn't mind parents and grandparents, but no one else. But, then to me it's like what's the point for just those people to be there. You'd still have to rent a venue no matter how many people showed unless you did it in someone's yard, which his mom has plenty of yard we could do it in, and it's not like backwoods hicks or anything. It'd be a woodsy thing, which would be cool, but to me it's 'what's the point in setting anything up for 5 minutes.' Yea, I want to please my parents, but sometimes I feel like I need to please myself so that I don't regret it. And, hey if later in the marriage I decide I want the ceremony, I'll pay for it myself. I have a cousin who did that- courthouse paperwork and after a few years did a wedding.

 

[leogecko88]

My husband and I got married in the courthouse. We didn't want to spend a ton of money, and certain relatives were giving us a hard time about things. We are happy about our decision. However, my super religious grandparents are not happy because they wanted us to get married in a church and have an expensive reception. I really don't care what they think. It's my life.

You should not give in to pressure. Do what makes you happy, and get married your way.

 

[spykerherps]

its YOUR special day your wedding in the end you guys do what you want to do and what feels wright. don't feel the need to please others hopes its your guys day. In the end its one day and that day will come and go quickly. its the marriage that counts.

 

[dprince]

You get to do what YOU want, Whitney. It's your day baby! You only get it once.

We got married barefoot on a beach at Hanalei Bay on Kauai. I wore a sundress, and my hubby wore a Hawaiian shirt. My dad walked me down the sand, and my sis was my maid of honor, and my father in law was the best man. There was a total of 22 people there - mostly family, and a few friends - and we stayed for a week. It was the most AWESOME way I could have imagined a wedding to be - complete with wedding leis and a reverend named Leilani. Plus, it was awesome because we got to spend a week in Hawaii with our friends and family. The wedding itself cost like $200-$300 bucks, complete with photo album. (The travel, etc, was more but.........eh, it's Hawaii. )

When we got back home, we had a big reception complete with me wearing a wedding dress, hubby in a tux, full wedding party (I think we each had 5 people), full photography session, etc. It was WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY more stressful than our actual wedding was!!

I *loved* the way we got married. It was special, unique, and didn't cost a fortune. The reception..........eh, it was fun, but not as fun as the whole Hawaii experience. Whatever you decide, I wish you the very best.

 

[goReptiles]

Thanks guys... I'm trying not to think about it for now. I mean we're not even engaged lol it was just brought up with my mom and definitely stressed me out. I don't understand why she tried to guilt me into things and then follow up with 'do whatever you want.' She's always done it- whether it be which high school to go to or whatever.