I need your opinions?

[Retribution Reptiles]

There has been alot of drama that has been going around in the community. There is NO need to mention any names or what has happened cause well its none of mine or anyone else's business.

But i'm going to put my personal business out there cause well that's my choice i guess.

This is the situation : (no names will be given as to avoid getting points for breaking TOS i would appreciate when giving responses names be left out to for your own protection of getting points)

You have been very good friends with someone for some time. After trust and respect has been built over that time the other party breaks that trust and respect and for better term kicks ya in the jimmy. I know most people would say take the higher road and prove that you are the better person. But in all reality that's just not human nature. So these are the 2 options i have given myself. Forgive but don't forget. Or say screw it if this person has the guts to do it once then will do it again?

Mind you yes i'm a hot head. Yes i have made many people hate me for sticking up for people. This has nothing to do with any of that now. I'm looking for what would you do? If you have other options that i might have over looked in my spout of anger please chime in.


Thanks,

Ryan

 

[acpart]

Here are some thoughts and suggestions, bearing in mind that I am not a hothead:

It's useful to figure out your goals with a relationship that has been injured. Specifically, how much of you wants to vent out what you're feeling (that does usually feel good while it's happening, though not so much afterwards), how much wants to hurt the other person (that can also feel good for awhile, then not), do you want to try to repair the relationship, never have to interact with the person again, or co-exist in order to stay in the community?

It's good to know which ones are operating and to be prepared to reap the benefits and take the consequences of whatever you choose.

When I am in this situation, it usually depends on whether or not I want to try to "fix" things. In that case, I have a talk with the person and see if there's any way we can patch it up. I need for the person to both tell me and show me over time that they are not going to hurt me again, and I have to be ready to hear their side, possibly accept some blame, and take the chance.

I have to say in reality, that I don't forgive very easily, and most of the time if this happens (it very rarely happens to me, to be honest), I continue to be cordial to the person and friendly in a superficial way but never again trust them with anything. THat means our relationship becomes one with no depth, but it does enable both of us to continue to co-exist in the same community without tearing the community apart.

I say this without knowing what's going on and with who, and not wanting to know.

Aliza

 

[KelliH]

You get what you give. Karma, baby.

 

[acpart]

You get what you give. Karma, baby.

Once again, I have no idea what's going on, but I will say that this isn't always the case.

Aliza

 

[KelliH]

It's very painful when someone you care about betrays you. It sucks so bad. But you just have to pick up the pieces and move on with your life. As you get older you will come to realize that you can count your friends on one hand. People suck.

 

[KelliH]

Once again, I have no idea what's going on, but I will say that this isn't always the case.

Aliza

You're right. I guess the main point I wish to convey is that what comes around goes around. I guess that's a bit different than karma though.

 

[Retribution Reptiles]

At first the hot head in me was the grrr for this post. but in retrospect. yeah Kelli i deserved that one

You get what you give. Karma, baby.

 

[KelliH]

Well as you know I read some very hurtful comments on Facebook that you wrote. It's been hard for me to get past that. I'd actually like to talk to you about it sometime. I'm sorry, I'm human and my feelings get hurt like anyone's.

 

[BioWorkZ]

Ryan, I'm a hothead too and I had to do tons of soul searching in the past 3 years to finally come to terms with myself and others. I don't know about you, but I'm really strict and expect the best from others, yet I'm more strict and tough on myself. With that said, the hardest hardest hardest thing you can do is look into yourself and see what went wrong with your relationship with your friend. There's a huge difference between "blame" and "responsibility". So how can you own and take responsibility for this situation? Once you're able to see this clearly, the solution will fall into place. Since I don't know the details, it's hard to be more precise with my advice. Is it possible that you trigger the kick in the jimmy? Is it this exact situation that pissed you off or did it reactivate some past events that you're not complete with? I hope this makes sense...

 

[KelliH]

At first the hot head in me was the grrr for this post. but in retrospect. yeah Kelli i deserved that one

I didn't mean it in a "haha you get what you deserve way". I meant it more like... oh crap I dunno but I hope everything works out the way it should. Life's too short and precious. :angel:

 

[Retribution Reptiles]

yes but even if you said haha you get what you deserve, i totally earned that.

 

[eric]

.

 

[Gregg M]

Ryan, it sucks that you got "kicked in the jimmy"... All I can say is that you just need to move on... You need not mention names because it is painfully obvious who did the jimmy kickin... It been going on like that for a while... Its too bad it needed to happen to you before you realized it... The good thing is that you do not need to invest anymore of you to that relationship... Now you can start new ones and mend some old ones if need be...

 

[paulnj]

Ryan, we live, we learn and we grow.

I can empathize with your situation and do not hold a person defending a "friend" against them. Even if that "friend" is dropping seeds of hate and burning every bridge they cross.

Time to get back to the love of reptiles and have some fun!!!!

 

[Roaming Reptiles]

Time to get back to the love of reptiles and have some fun!!!!

YES!!!!:main_thumbsup:

 

[maximusx6910]

Time to get back to the love of reptiles and have some fun!!!!

+1

 

[JordanAng420]

Ryan, we live, we learn and we grow.

I can empathize with your situation and do not hold a person defending a "friend" against them. Even if that "friend" is dropping seeds of hate and burning every bridge they cross.

Time to get back to the love of reptiles and have some fun!!!!

Paul, that is a great post! Thanks for posting such wonderful, positive advice that we can ALL use in every aspect of life.

 

[geckoavenger]

you can count your friends on one hand. People suck.

+1!!

 

[Yamori]

Every Action has an Equal and Opposite Reaction.

If a relationship has gotten to the point where one or more parties are getting stabbed in the back and are more often than not left feeling stressed out then its time to cut your losses and move on.

Taking the high road to me anyway implies that you are the better person, instead try to be a good and decent person. We all have flaws and on occasions do stupid and regrettable things. we don't know the full story so we can not judge so its up to you to decide if it can be saved and if its worth saving. If its got to end at least try and do it amicably to save regretful feelings down the road hey.

Most disputes or damaged relations between people here in Australia are fairly short because people tend to have the "no worries mate" mentality and things are usually forgotten after a few beers lol

life's short, don't waste it stressing out and being miserable. Heck i was in love with a woman i have known for several years and nearing the end it was bloody hell and she was driving me round the bend. we broke it off fairly amicably and i have never been happier, we still speak occasionally too and amazingly never argue lol.

just my 2 c.