When your partner doesn't approve!

[Euphoric]

So I currently live with my mother so I can save money while I am going to college. I have a special needs brother, so most of my pets have to stay in my room (except for fish)

So Right now I have four hamsters in three cages, a crested gecko in a exo terra on my bookshelf, a twenty gal of my leos, and a twenty gal because today I am getting a baby bearded dragon in trade for two of my chiclids.

In justice, the one tank is on a stand and one is on the floor I plan as soon as I have the money to buy a stand that will hold both tanks.

I have only one fishtank in my room along with three bettas and a window full of plants (they are really a pet too if you think about it) but I have two others in the house.

I had two degus which are like chinchillas but I gave them to a friend yesterday. Its weird I miss their sqeeks.

Now when I told my boyfriend that I was getting the dragon he got kinda mad and said "How many more pets are you going to get?!"

Its hard because this is my hobby and my interest. Okay, he plays World of Warcraft. Thats his interest. You don't see me saying "How many more hours are you going to play?!" (even though sometimes its me playing with him)

Well I would just like more support from someone you know? My mom is okay on it, I keep everything clean and no smell so she doens't mind..sometimes.

Anyone else got this situation?

Oh, and for how many pets I am going to get, heres a list.

1. More leos, prob around six (I want to breed too)
2. Two more cresteds for a family
3. Posion dart frog (2) habitat
4. Giant day gecko
5. Sugar gliders (2 or 3) (I should be getting in December)
6. Two albino red ear sliders when i have room/enough money (they are expensive!)
7. More fishtanks than you can imagine (My number one hobby)
8. When I move out, i want two handfed rosella parakeets

And thats it. How is that soooo bad. Give me a break!

 

[Mel&Keith]

The thing is that once you move out of your mom's house you'll have a LOT more responsibilities. Work, taking care of your house or apartment, feeding yourself and all of your animals, then bills: rent, car, insurance, grocery, phone, car maintenance, gasoline, electricity, water, personal care items, medical bills, clothing, I could go on...lol.

Keeping that many pets would be very ambitious to say the least. You'll have to take all of those pets with your when you move out so I would figure out what your cost of living and time commitments will be and then consider if more pets fit into the equation.

Instead of getting more pets now, save the money you'd be spending on them and keep it for when you're ready to move out.

 

[Euphoric]

I used to work full time and go to school full time. I had to quit my job due to family problems but now I am back with a full time job.

I also watch and care for my siblings as well as help pay the bills. I have been helping supporting my mom since I was 16. I do know some about bills. I know it will be more when I move out hence why I am saving now.
I right now pay for groceries for four people and other parts of bills, all my school expenses as well as personal items such as clothes and toiletries. I was on my own for six months when I was 16 too living in an apartment with only one room mate.

I never said I was going to get all those pets now, I was just stating the pets I wanted in the future. Thats where you were mistaken. The only pet I plan on getting in the near future is my gliders. And the fact I work at a petstore so either I get a large discount, or many free things.

Thankfully I have a good job now as a dog trainer plus in a month I will be state certified to watch my brother has rehabilitation, which is 12.50 an hour.

So while you may be trying to give some good adult advice, I may only be 18 but I got a little more common sense than you think.

And I would never take in any animal that I thought I couldn't give it a life home.

 

[Mel&Keith]

I'm sorry you felt like I was jumping on you, I wasn't. I've also lived on my own from age 16 so I totally understand. I never said that you didn't have common sense. This was the part that made it sound like you wanted to have all of those pets at one time -

Oh, and for how many pets I am going to get, heres a list.

1. More leos, prob around six (I want to breed too)
2. Two more cresteds for a family
3. Posion dart frog (2) habitat
4. Giant day gecko
5. Sugar gliders (2 or 3) (I should be getting in December)
6. Two albino red ear sliders when i have room/enough money (they are expensive!)
7. More fishtanks than you can imagine (My number one hobby)
8. When I move out, i want two handfed rosella parakeets

And thats it. How is that soooo bad. Give me a break!

 

[Euphoric]

Yeah, I guess I could see how it could be taken wrong,
but what I meant is those are the animals that I want to own in my general pet life..

Like the turtles I won't get until I have my own house and a good tank to put them in. Same with the giant day gecko.

As for the frogs, I have two exo terras (The other I have my crestie in) that I got for twenty each when I was working at petsmart and they were making room for the new exo terra cages. The two twenties I have now one I paid four dollars for and the other only 25.
So i can be pretty thrifty

And as for the gliders, for the past year I have been stocking up on things like the vitamins and hammocks and I have the cage and food when I have seen them on sale. I should get them for xmas as a present from myself, my mom, and boyfriend as a cumulative gift. I know gliders can be expensive so I have waited almost two years before deciding I really wanted to get a pair.

A lot of the stuff you need to set up I already have for about 4 more habitats. When petsmart re moldeld I got a lot of stuff for cheap and even more for free.

The only things I need to buy is change in bulbs, substrate and food

 

[moosassah]

You should check out freecycle.org for a stand. I'm picking up a free 20 gallon set up, complete with cabinet stand tomorrow. All the extra fish stuff I'll toss in the giant container in the attic & pass along to other people.

That's quite the list. I bet it'll change 1,000 times over the next few years. I know mine has & I've only been into reptiles for about 2 years.

As for the boyfriend who just doesn't get it...love you, love the pets, it's both or it's not going to work out too well

did you check out the recent pics someone added of their fish tanks...wow!!!

 

[BEAR]

I don't know how old you are, but i'm assuming you are between 19-21 because your in college.

I keep about 10 geckos right now(4 are being sold), and my girlfriend is alright with it.

I would just let him know that it is YOUR hobby and let him know what it doesn't take up all your time(unless it does).

I would imagine that he spends FAR more time playing WoW than you do caring for your pets. I used to play WoW and my girlfriend hated it, she doesnt mind my geckos. And I dont play WoW anymore.

I don't know your relationship, but as long as you both are fullfilling one another then that is all that matters.


on another Note...

I currently do not want my girlfriend to get a dog/cat. (we have been dating for almost 4 years Sep. 20th) The reason that is, is because in 2 years I plan on us still being together and I want us to make that decision together and hers will by mine, and mine hers. I made sure she understood that. My gf supported my gecko hobby from the beginning(I asked her opinion) so that is why it is cool with her.



I think you should talk with him about it and see why he doesnt think you should get more...maybe it is for a reason greater than you know...

How long have ya'll been together?

I think I got everything I wanted to say in...

 

[clear]

For substrate use tile or shelf liner, and for food, breed your own for most of them pets.

 

[cwazy]

As for the boyfriend who just doesn't get it...love you, love the pets, it's both or it's not going to work out too well

i must agree... i mean there are some things that you comprimise on... but something that your passionate about stays... if someone doesnt understand it then really its not gonna be a great relationship... my wife and i are both animal lovers and have a weak heart for the unwanteds.... much like you my #1 thing is fish... i have a 55 gal, 10 hex, 29, 10 used for breeding, all freshwater, then i have a 40ish gal saltwater tank... ive grown up on fish its what i know and love! my wife has taken a likeing to them over the past few years... we have a cat, 2 parrakeets, 2 chinchillas, 3 mice, 1 tokay gecko, 2 leos, 2 green anoles, 1 madagascar spiney gecko, an awesome 2 year old daughter that loves them all! and one on the way... our kids will always have pets... pets help the family make a house a home... not to mention all of our lizards have been "rescues", as were our chinchillas and some of our fish, and our insanely awesome cat too!!! its just what we do but back to the topic... theres always gotta be some push and pull and some comprimises... but he should learn to love it... :main_rolleyes:

 

[Euphoric]

Oh yeah I got a bookshelf from freecycle once and gave away some furniture.

And yes, he gets off work at 10pm and if he doesn't come over to see me, he will spend that time until 4 am playing wow. I play wow too, but maybe invest only three hours a week in it.

I have told him to try supporting me more, but he refuses to even BUY me a pet. I asked for my birthday (I will be 18 in two weeks for age reference, as for the college thing I have been going to community college since I was 15 on a scholarship and now I go to a university.) to get a jungle mac from michaelj who my mom already ordered a gecko for me..and he said no.

Its a bummer. But he does take me to pet stores and lets me do all that stuff and he won't really say anything but "Thats cool." He is a dog person only pretty much. We have only been dating for four months...but my animals come with me you know! I really like him and want to be with him, but I am afraid his lack of interest will hinder. Then again, different interests can help too.

My one leo, three hamsters, my degus and two of my fish were rescues not to mention I have had so many in the past too.

 

[RAZERWIREREPTILES]

Well i would just like to say its good to see a young person so willing to give back and help out where they can you sound like a very good person at heart. As far as the pets and cost go I say go for it if it cost more, like it more than likely will after you move out even if you dont get all those pets with in the near future you can always just work more to afford more lol but the only tip i would give is dont let your pets leave no time for a loved one like a BF or GF husbad/wife and so on. That might be what he is worried about IMO. Best of luck but do some digging to get to the bottom of why he really might not want more animals.

 

[acpart]

I do think it would be a good idea, as some people have mentioned, to try and figure out why he is having a problem with it. He may not even really know why. Here are some possible reasons which I listed just to show the range, not in any way implying that these are his reasons:

a person just doesn't like that type of animal (e.g. I don't really like dogs and could probably put up with 1 dog if a sig.other wanted it, but couldn't put up with 6)

worry about the increase in pets taking time and attention away from him

not liking clutter and perceiving all the cages as clutter

being worried about someone accumulating more and more (some people have issues with large numbers of anything and the process of increasing what they have just freaks them out every time it happens)

not being comfortable with change, even a change in the configuration of a persons pets.

I hope this is helpful.

Aliza

 

[Euphoric]

Well I tried asking him and all he said is that I had "too many pets!"
He really dropped it at that.
BUT
I couldn't believe my text when he messaged me about buying a gecko for me online...
the only thing is he is really strapped for money (He had to replace his motorcycle tire due to a nail)
He said he will either get me a gecko online that is only 50 but is "pet only" due to enlarged eyelids
Or go to petco because they often sell patternless for the same price.

So I guess it was a win

 

[Arctic16]

That's a lot of pets. I would love to get more geckos like you have but me moving back and forth from home to college makes it impractical to have more than the 2 I have, and even then it's going to be a pain to move two 10 gallon tanks back and forth.

 

[Euphoric]

Well things got worse. He said (Even though its far off) he wouldn't move in with me with my pets. I tried to compromise on a number of pets,
but one hamster, four leos, and two cresteds were still too much.

Now I feel lost. I really want this to work (sorry for the bad relationship babble) but I feel like I have to change so much.
Animals are a part of my life. Its like my hair color or my favorite music. Why do I have to change it all?
Am I wrong?
To me the animals I have now is not a lot of pets.
So are we to be together for 5 years and still not live together because I have too many pets in his eyes?

 

[BEAR]

Well things got worse. He said (Even though its far off) he wouldn't move in with me with my pets. I tried to compromise on a number of pets,
but one hamster, four leos, and two cresteds were still too much.

Now I feel lost. I really want this to work (sorry for the bad relationship babble) but I feel like I have to change so much.
Animals are a part of my life. Its like my hair color or my favorite music. Why do I have to change it all?
Am I wrong?
To me the animals I have now is not a lot of pets.
So are we to be together for 5 years and still not live together because I have too many pets in his eyes?

Well in my opinion you shouldn't be talking about moving in already.

You are still very young...You will both change A LOT over the course of the next few years, maybe he'll even stop playing WoW.

If you feel like he won't ever accept this...then just move on. It is going to bring up too much resentment for the relationship to work.

Do what you wanna/gotta do.

good luck

 

[fallen_angel]

I agree and think that if he can't accept something that is so much a part of you, then it really just can't work.. I can't believe he actually said he could never live with you.. there must be something that is going on in his mind/heart that he is worried about that just turns him off from you having so many pets.. everyone is also very different and sometimes people just don't understand how passionate one can be over reptiles.. I am not sure but I wish you the best of luck with him and everything else, you seem like a very sweet, caring, and genuine person. And hey, you live in Mesa, that's awesome

 

[Gregg M]

What do you do when your partner is not willing to let you be who you are and do what you love??? You get rid of them FAST!!
One who dictates in a relationship is not a partner at all...

One should never have to compromise their passion for a boy/girlfriend... Especially one that spends hours on the computer playing warcraft... LOL...

 

[packs_fan]

I think for something like a case like this there needs to be compromise. Which you did offer him and yea he still said no. He really cares enough about you he should support you in what you love no matter how well different it is to him. Every relationship has compromises if there isnt any and its just one way for the partner well one partner isnt going to be happy.

 

[LadyGecko]

I would get rid of the bf and start saving to upgrade that 20 gal Beardie tank

Sorry that you bf is not as interested in animals as you are

For what it's worth-

I really don't trust people that don't like animals around them/living with them

just my .-02

Sandy