Tired of pretending...

[LeapinLizards]

Most of you that know me on here - and the few of you that know me outside of here - know that I am a very positive person. I'm always smiling, always laughing, always trying to help in any way I can.

The last year for Danny and I has been a living nightmare. We sold our convenience store in March, and got married a week later. The store was killing us, we were making money, but weren't in a position to advance (we didn't own the property, only the business). We, for the last year, have been working on opening a new business, but things have not gone to plan. It took us 6 months to even get the building permit from the city, and we are just now close to finished. That's almost a year of paying bills out of our savings with NO income. Danny's mother lives with us, so we also support her, and pay her bills. We are down to nothing, not even enough to open the business. We are defaulting on house and car payments. We're to the point of losing our home, something we worked SO INCREDIBLY hard for...over something that shouldn't have happened...it should not take a year to remodel and open a business. The city we are doing it in has bent over backwards to make it impossible. We've sold everything we can part with (all the extra vehicles, toys, etc.) For the last 6 months we've been trying to find an SBA loan or anything really...but banks will not loan money to someone that is not employed....so you see the problem. We WILL be employed if we open the business.

I'm so tired of being stressed EVERY second of every day, and pretending like nothing is wrong, that we're doing fine. My friends all come to me with their problems, and I try to help them but in the back of my mind I can't help but think "wow Heather, you are selfish..." when I keep thinking their problems are so little compared to mine.

Danny and I are good, extremely hard working people that love each other very much...something like this should not happen to people like us. We are newlyweds and should be looking forward to building a family, not losing what we have built. Something has to give...

This website, and these animals are my escape. I know that may sound ridiculous, but when I feel like everything is crashing down, I seclude myself in the gecko room...my plastic bubble of sorts.

I guess I just want to say thank you to this community, and to the few people on here that have been there for me on a regular basis...listening to me complain. I just can't pretend anymore...things are NOT alright. In fact, far from it.

I'm really sorry to write this, but I have to get it out or I think I'll explode.

 

[Sunrise Reptile]

Heather, I'm sure everyone has had their share of hard times. I'm certainly no exception. I've been bounced around so much, I think life is one big pinball game. :main_laugh: And as daunting as it may seem now, based on your obvious determination, things are bound to turn around.

The fact is, with the current state of the economy, it's nearly impossible to get a loan of ANY type. There's a huge risk involved for the bank, no matter who's applying.

I'm sure you'll pull yourself up by your bootstraps and be just fine. Hang in there!

 

[dprince]

I'm so sorry to hear of all of your struggles, Heather. You're right, this situation totally stinks, and you certainly deserve some peace from all of this stress. I'm so glad that your geckos and this community can give you a little break from your stress.......it's amazing how healing that can be, even if only for a few moments.

Hang in there.

 

[KelliH]

I understand where you are coming from. Life can certainly throw you for a loop sometimes and it can be hard to deal with. I just keep telling myself: "My life could be better, but it also could be a lot worse". While I still yearn for what I don't have anymore I try to focus on what I am blessed with and value what I do have. My motto is "one day at a time".

Keep your chin up and I am glad you get some happiness from your animals and the community.

 

[LeapinLizards]

Thanks guys.

Kelli, that's just it. I don't care a BIT about monetary "things". A couple years ago I had 3 cars, all the clothes I could ever want, etc. Now I have nothing compared to that, but it doesn't bother me a bit. I've told Danny I don't care if it's just him and I, living in a one bedroom apartment with the dogs, working at McDonalds. I really don't care, because we'd still have "us"...it's just the toll that it's taking on us that is killing me. We're completely unhealthy, can't sleep, argue over things that are completely stupid, etc. I know things will get better, it's just so frustrating to be in a situation that should not have happened in the first place. I understand "life happens"...I really do, but it's getting so much harder to deal with. Like I said, something just HAS to give...

 

[Mel&Keith]

Hopefully something will give soon! That's a LOT to deal with.

 

[Haligren]

I certainly know how you feel. I'm dealing with my 'end of the my rope'-ness as we speak. I wish I could offer up more than my sympathy but it's difficult right now.

I know how you feel about always being the one to be cried on. I'm the same kind of person. And for years I've kept much of my problems and feelings inside because I didn't want to become "that friend" if you know what I mean. But lately all of it's coming back to bite me in the a** as I'm reaching the end of my rope as well. I don't have anyone to really support me as my husband is going through his own crises. We are "newlyweds' as well and are also struggling financially.

I'm really glad that you two have each other to help you through this. I know things look bleak now but they've got no where to go but up, right? At least that's what I keep telling myself.

 

[eric]

Heather I think I know you pretty well, I strongly believe we are giving only what we can handle in life! This says a lot about your character! And I am proud to have you as a friend!

 

[Golden Gate Geckos]

Heather, I know that life can feel overwhelming at times. I'm so glad you feel enough trust in us here at GF to share how you really feel, and know that we will not judge you. This is a community based on mutual intrests and feelings, and you are safe here to be who you are. You can always call me and just vent... I really DO care.

 

[Lecko my Gecko]

heather stay possitive we are all here for you and eachother the forum has become my outlet or bubble if you will aswell. stay strong, karma karma karma! its gotta come back around

 

[LeapinLizards]

That's what I keep telling myself Nick...

I am just thankful my health has held up like it has. I have a seizure disorder, grand mals actually. I had 4 when I was 15-17, and none since. This last summer, I had 2...woke up both times on my driveway. They are directly related to stress. I just have to keep myself positive, and take it one day at a time.

 

[DanTheFireman]

We wish you both the best in getting thru this crisis, your track record indicates that things will turn around for the better. They just have to. Our governmental bodies make it so hard for good, hard working people who try to do the right thing and follow all the rules then go to great lengths to accomodate those who sit back and loaf.